Finding out your partner has been unfaithful is a shock.
Whether you had suspicions about your mate or were completely unaware.
Don’t make the number 1 mistake by letting strong emotions rule your decisions about your marriage. Please read on to find out more.
Avoid making the number one mistake by not making ANY BIG decision about your relationship without some time passing.
No doubt you are reeling from the discovery of infidelity in your marriage or relationship.
Naturally you will be feeling a whole range of emotions – shock, anger, anxious, rage, hurt, fear and _________ you can fill in the blanks. Let me reassure you, whatever you are feeling is completely normal.
Given you are experiencing a wide array of emotions and no doubt feeling at least a little overwhlemed your brain cannot be expected to be at it’s most productive.
The discovery of an affair is I what I call a relationship trauma. Your brain will be reacting with the amygdala and hippocampus area’s being activated like a christmas tree into a “fight or flight” mode as your sympathetic nervous system goes into overdrive.
At these times our frontal cortex, or executive functioning area of our brain is not being accessed. We are operating in survival mode from the oldest part of our brain, the hindbrain brainstem area. This is the reptilian part of our brain that links us back to our ancestors and kept us safe from ending up as sabre tooth dinner.
Pretty handy thing to be able to do. The only limitation is when we are in this mode we cannot make sound reasoned or rational decisions.
Your body and brain need time to for the dust to settle in order to process all the information and use your pre-frontal lobe which is the part that can best run our lives in the modern world.
So wait and let yourself cool down. Please avoid the number one mistake and don’t make any making decisions like divorce at this time.
With help and dedication (it’s not easy, but it is worth it!) relationships can be repaired and survive this crisis to go on to being stronger and healthier in time.
Please find and work with a marriage friendly professional today.