Ah it is the start of the new year and a fresh calendar for us in so many ways. We often start off with great gusto and many ideas, maybe even a few resolutions. What is the relationship you wish to create into 2014?
Yes 2014 a new beginning.
I watched the fireworks at New Years Eve on Sydney Harbour bridge with anticipation and delight excited to be welcoming in the next 365 days.
It is a fresh start as we ‘reset’.
With that in mind how can you create the relationship you most desire. Take some time to sit with that question and write out your wishes for a fulfilling partnership.
Perhaps you want to be in a marriage that has open communication, is warm and affectionate, where you can turn to your spouse for intimacy and companionship.
Look at what would assist this ideal. Reflect on your behaviour, what can you do to promote this happiness?
Ask what yourself what can stop doing? Perhaps it is being negative and pessimistic.
Now ask yourself what you can start doing? Maybe you can start to be more assertive in your relationship, become more optomistic.
Dan Siegel wrote the book – Learned Optimism, so it is a trait that can be fostered in the maturing of your personality. I am not talking Polly Anna here, but what can you do to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
I recently had a text miscommunication (so easy to get wrong) with someone I was meeting. Here words are missing the tone and energy behind them, making it difficult to get the intent of the message.
Here I always use the benefit of the doubt.
Meaning I take it at face value, not sarcasm, meanness but as a joke or at the most a misunderstanding which I can clarify without making the other person wrong.
The effect this has on my life is multiple, my friendships are easier and we can clear the air. Or I don’t even need to when I put a positive spin on things. There are no festering resentments or any overthinking needed. In general things are a lot nicer.
So for January get a pen and paper out and ask yourself:
What is the ideal relationship I wish to create?
What can I stop doing?
What can I start doing?
Is there anything I need to leave behind?
Hurt, resentments and anger from past indiscretions, if so what can I do to rise above it and let it go, so that it no longer impacts me in a negative way?
If you wish to share this with your partner great!
If not let your behaviour demonstrate you connection.
Best Wishes for the New Year. Philipa