Last updated on April 4th, 2019 at 05:22 pm
I have had this very question a lot. So I have recorded a video here for all you LRTer’s. This is especially for those of you who are experiencing the distress of separation and want to make a good go at repair.
Please like, comment and share if you think this could benefit a friend in need.
My husband and I have even married over 5 years. We are both 54yrs old. I was widowed and he was divorced. We have adult children all married themselves. 3 days before our wedding he was made redundant and hasn’t worked since. His health has deteriorated and hence spends most of his time watching TV or playing Ps4. He rarely joins me at family or friends functions, I didn’t used to go but am sick of the loneliness at home we rarely even watch TV in the same room so I now go alone. We haven’t had sex for nearly a year. There is little touch in our relationship. I feel like we are not on the same path. Tonight I said I can’t keep asking for change and nothing happening and I want to separate. He said he didn’t want to talk about it and just kept watching television. I said didn’t he want to fight for us and he said what didn’t I understand about not talking about it so I went to the other room to watch TV as usual.
We have had counselling in the past but the counsellor ended up asking us to see her separately he saw her twice alone I did a few more. I was asked to change my expectations which I did but he has withdrawn even further away.
Hi Lorraine,
thanks for writing in. I hear you are wanting connection with your husband. I am so sorry he’s been made redundant for many of us that is a blow that will knock our self esteem. He may be feeling low I would guess and I also imagine you wanting more fro him when he most likely hasn’t got much to give won’t be working well for either of you.
Sometimes too the way we ask can come across as pressure and criticism. I have written about communicating more effectively. It starts with you saying “When we watch tv and don’t connect I feel lonely and i don’t know what to do.” When I hear in your email ” telling him he doesn’t want to fight for us .. sounds like pressure and criticism. Then saying the separation will feel like added weight and burded – not helpful for the change you are wanting, in fact this could really back fire on you badly.
My advice is stop doing anything negative like criticism or pressure, it comes across as nagging, you don’t want to do that. I don’t think it’s going to get you your desired connection. I would guess he is feeling lonely too.
Good luck!