Affair & Betrayal Recovery

Last updated on February 4th, 2026 at 06:03 pm

When Trust Has Been Shaken, and You’re Not Sure What Comes Next

Discovering an affair or betrayal can feel like the ground has dropped away beneath you.

Shock, confusion, anger, grief, and numbness are all common responses. Many people describe feeling unable to think clearly, unsure what is real, and frightened about the future of the relationship.

At Marriage Works, we offer structured, trauma-informed support for couples and individuals navigating betrayal infidelity with care, containment, and respect for what has happened.

Sydney and online sessions available.

First Things First: Slowing the Impact

Betrayal is not just a relationship crisis.
For many people, it is a nervous system shock.

Before decisions are made or conversations escalate, the first priority is to:

• reduce overwhelm
• stabilise emotional reactivity
• create safety for thinking and feeling

Rushing to “fix” or “decide” often makes things worse.

Our role is to help you slow this down so the next steps are taken from clarity, not panic.

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Common Experiences After Betrayal

People often tell us:

• “I can’t stop replaying what happened”
• “I don’t know what to believe anymore”
• “I swing between wanting closeness and wanting distance”
• “I feel ashamed, angry, or numb”
• “We can’t talk without things blowing up or shutting down”

These reactions make sense.

Betrayal trauma disrupts trust, attachment, and a sense of emotional safety.
Healing requires more than talking things through.

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What Affair & Betrayal Recovery Involves

Effective betrayal recovery is not about:

• forcing forgiveness
• minimising what happened
• assigning permanent blame
• pushing for quick reassurance

Instead, we focus on:

• stabilising the nervous system
• understanding the impact on both partners
• restoring emotional safety before deeper conversations
• supporting truthful, contained communication
• clarifying whether and how reconnection is possible
• figuring out what helps and what hurts relationship repair

This work is paced carefully, with respect for the depth of hurt involved.

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A Trauma-Informed Approach to Repair

Our work with betrayal is informed by:

• attachment-aware couples therapy
• evidence-based relationship research, including the work of John Gottman on trust and repair
• Divorce Busting, Marriage saving affair recovery expert Michele Weiner-Davis
• Imago Relationship Therapy principles for safe dialogue
• nervous-system based trauma therapy

For some individuals, unresolved shock or threat responses continue to intrude long after the discovery. When appropriate, we may recommend Resource Therapy, EMDR or Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) – a trauma psychotherapy developed by Frank Corrigan to support resolution of trauma at its source, without re-exposure or emotional flooding.

This helps create the internal safety needed for relational work to proceed.

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Working With Couples After Betrayal

When both partners are willing, betrayal recovery often becomes a form of Private Reconnection Work.

This involves:

• slowing conversations so they do not retraumatise
• supporting accountability without humiliation
• helping the injured partner feel heard and validated
• helping the other partner understand impact without collapse or defensiveness
• rebuilding trust through consistent, observable change

Reconnection after betrayal is possible for some couples, but it cannot be rushed or forced. The work is about repairing safety first, then exploring what is possible next.

🔗 Learn more about Private Reconnection Work

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When One Partner Is Not Ready

It is common for partners to be out of sync after betrayal.

If one person is unsure about couples work, we can begin with individual relationship-focused support to:

• stabilise emotional overwhelm
• clarify needs and boundaries
• reduce reactivity
• support wiser communication

This can become a bridge into joint work when readiness aligns.

🔗 Learn more about Individual Relationship Support

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Led by Senior Psychologists

Marriage Works is led by Philipa Thornton and Chris Paulin – a married couple and senior psychologists with decades of experience supporting couples through complex relational challenges.

Our approach to betrayal recovery is:

• psychologically rigorous
• trauma-informed
• relationally respectful
• paced for safety, not pressure

You will not be pushed to decide or forgive before you are ready.
You will be guided with care, clarity, and steadiness.

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When Things Feel Urgent

If you are feeling panicked, unable to sleep, or afraid your relationship may collapse before you can think clearly, timely support matters.

We offer structured, time-sensitive sessions to help contain the crisis and create breathing space so decisions are not made from shock.

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A Grounded Place to Begin

You do not have to know yet whether your relationship will continue.
You do not have to have answers.

Beginning with the right kind of support can help you:

• feel steadier, kinder to yourself
• understand what has happened
• reduce harm, guilt and shame spirals
• and decide next steps with care

📞 Book a free 15-minute consultation
or call 0434 559 011

We’ll help you find the most supportive starting point easing pressure.

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