How our break up fixed my Relationship…

I want to share something personal – this is a huge thing for me to put on the website being a very private person. Yet I am a great believer in being real and honest. Chris and I went through some tough times earlier this year. We had come to a place of separation.

Broken hearts need healing help

It was over as we were wanting different things from the relationship.

Marriage is an Institution and investment in each other
Marriage

I am traditional and believe in the institution of Marriage – hence the name Marriage Works – right! Of course you can be totally committed partners without it. I am no Marriagist. Chris having been divorced was not bothered by matrimony.

I am glad to say we did work things through and are happily back together in a more powerful and deeper connection than ever.

Plus we got married on November 3rd 2018, a happy day all round!

The Bride and Groom - Chris and Philipa got hitched!
The Bride and Groom – Chris and Philipa got hitched!

What helped was us going and seeing a couple therapist and working through our sticking points. Being a client and learning about myself has always improved my therapy game. I could not believe how anxious I was going to every appointment. I definitely have a bucket load more compassion having had the counseling experience. Our good therapist really turned things around. Thank you!

Togetherness side by side in your recovery journey will get you there couple-260899_1920
Togetherness side by side

What also was incredibly useful was a couple therapy workshop called  Getting the Love you Want – Couples Weekend Workshop  Clink on the link.

Getting the Love You Want!
Getting the Love You Want!

Brenda and Peter hold these workshops in Sydney, Melbourne and Auckland New Zealand. In the weekend we learnt so much about each other and it offered us a way forward in hope with our love.

I am passionate about couples learning to connect and heal this can happen in the therapy room. The bonus is you get to take the learning and techniques into your life.

Look up and see the light and move away from misery and pain
Look up and see the light and move away from misery and pain

Using it as a therapy tool I have seen partner’s change in 90 minutes as they see and get their spouses angst in a hearfelt way. It’s different to the old ways of communicating which lead to hopelessness and desperation.

I recommend it to all my couples and friends! It is coming very soon 8/9 December so give your self the best gift every – a healthier, happier relationship for the two of you.

Find a beacon of light and hope here
Find a beacon of light and hope here

Hello from the United States of America!

Hi all you wonderful people who take the time to read and write in to me here at Marriage Works!

I have the good fortune to be in Boulder, Colorado at the Michele Weiner-Davis Behind Closed Doors training. Every morning I get up to look at the amazing Flat Irons at Chataqua Park, yes I climbed up them a little the altitude up here is 5,500 feet. The air is thin and it is hot.

What a place to have training in couple therapy up near nature of the Flat Irons Chataqua Park, Colorado
What a place to have training in couple therapy up near nature of the Flat Irons Chataqua Park, Boulder, Colorado

Now back to Michele’s training – she is so generous and super talented in sharing her divorce busting techniques with a fabulous group of wonderful therapists. I am enjoying meeting these committed couple therapy warriors who help couples to gain change. They are so friendly to this Kiwi who has come from Sydney Australia! Thank you all!

Behind Closed Doors with Michele Weiner Davis, learning from the Divorce Buster Superstar
Behind Closed Doors with Michele Weiner Davis, learning from the Divorce Buster Superstar!

It’s good to be reminded of brief solution focussed therapy and access Michele’s updated version. She is a wonder worker and her passion shines forth. I can’t wait to take this back to my couples and work with the folks who see me!

How lucky I am and grateful to Michele for sharing so powerfully of herself and her clinical skills! And thanks to Jim her husband too!
How lucky I am and grateful to Michele for sharing so powerfully of herself and her clinical skills. And thanks to Jim her husband too! So Jet  lagged.

Sadly today is the last day of the powerful training. I have had a blast and feel so warmly welcomed in the US. Perhaps Michele has saved the juiciest bit till last as our final day is working on the Sex Starved Marriage. Based on her wonderful book of the same title-find the Sex Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis here.

Thank you Michele, Jim and all the workshop participants for a wonderful adventure in learning.

With Love Philipa

 

Happy Easter from Down Under 2018!

In Australia we are approaching Easter, a significant religious holiday for many. While I am do not belong to any church custom, I do a respect folks observances and their special traditions associated with this holy time.

When we were kids in New Zealand our TV stations played the Biblical hits. Truly this was this (with the greatest respect) where I received my religious education.

Watching Charlton Heston part the Red Sea in the 1956 tribute The Ten Commandments, was awe inspiring and still is.

Charlton Heston with Ronald Reagan. He played a great Moses
Charlton Heston with Ronald Reagan. Mr Heston played a great Moses, I look forward to seeing him again.

I will be getting the DVD down from the shelves. Yes I own it.

Despite not coming from a Christian background I do believe the Ten Commandments area useful guide to live by.
Despite not coming from a Christian background I do believe the Ten Commandments are a useful guide to live by.

Easter isn’t just about eggs and chocolates. Yes I do indulge in the brown delicious sweet!

Easter eggs are a fun and yummy chocolate treat
Easter eggs are a fun and yummy chocolate treat.

I like to use it a a time for reflection.

It is a time where I am not working. What has passed in my life, people, habits or old beliefs? The death of things that not longer support me or help me grow. These can be a simple as changing an exercise routine.

It is an opportunity to bring about change with the ‘rising’. I ask how can I encourage and support myself and others to be their greatness? What works do I need to achieve in my mission of service?

How would you apply this to your relationship?

What do you need to do inspire for your partner? Is there anything you can do to enliven your partnership? Put some thought into it. Love to hear what you came up with and how it helped. Pop a comment in the box below.

With love and light,

Philipa

Chocolate Lindt Bunny anyone?
Bunny Love xox

Wishing You All a Happy New Year 2018!

The Sydney Harbour Fireworks light our way into 2018 so magnificiently!
The Sydney Harbour Fireworks light our way into 2018 so magnificently!

We are super exicted to welcome you to 2018. This year has a particularly good vibe to it.

We loved the Sydney Harbour fireworks exploding with joy and celebration. Uplifting as always.

Of course there have been the usual ups and downs of life. My heart has gone out to many who have faced loss and grief in 2017.

At the years beginning, I like to do a review. It’s great to reflect on 2017 by taking a look in the rear view mirror. What’s been my progress, whats got in the way? The way I do this is by looking at last years directions for 2017.

2018 Directions and progress by design
2018 Directions and progress by design

I enjoy a small ritual to invite in my wishes and desires for the opening annual. I keep it fresh and title it simply “Wishlist 2018.”

With my trusty pen I scribe my dreams, hopes and wishes in mu new 2018 diary, she’s a pretty pink this year.

Philipa's Pink Planning Diary for 2018, Easy to Highlight
Philipa’s Pink Planning Diary for 2018, Easy to Highlight

We all know there tons of research about the importance of writing ( yes physcially putting pen to paper) in goal setting. I am not going to bore you with it here.  Naturally this applies to dream wishing. Besides it feels good to use your fingers, listen to your thoughts and see them unfold on the fresh clean slate.

This is a creative list where I literally stop my rational brain from interfering. I am responding to my deepest desires and there is often lighter ( read shallower)  hopes.

On my list this year is the Clinical Masters of Psychology and there is a new stereo. The only proviso I have for this list is that anything can go on it. It is an open item and receives updates as necessary.

I would love to hear how you much you enjoyed writing your list and if you would be so kind as to share something of what’s on it, I would be grateful and I will respond. Again Happy 2018!

Peace and light so your glow shines for another year.
Peace and light so your glow shines for another year.

Merry Christmas and Good Cheer to All!

I am writing to say a huge thank you!

We wish you all the blessings to all our clients, and all the folk who have watched, read, heard and participated in Marriage Works online community and You tube.

Your wonderful selves make this world a better place. Thank you!

Please make merry in the festive season with the intended good will and cheer.

Tis the Season ...
Tis the Season …
Merry Xmas and Happy Holidays!

With love and gracious appreciation, Philipa and Chris of Marriage Works.

 

Blessings for the holiday season to one and all. Love Philipa and Chris
Blessings for the holiday season to one and all.
Love Philipa and Chris

Welcome our new therapist Rachele Davis to the team!

We are super excited – Marriage Works is expanding with the talents of Rachele Davis coming on board. She starts 28th July so hurry to book as she has limited availabity and we certainly don’t want you to miss out. Rachele is seeing Individuals only at this stage.

Rachele is an Associate Member of the APS.
Celebrate with a bugle for Rachele!

Rachele has a wide variety of experience working with clients in her career already.  We feel so lucky to have a provisional psychologist with access to the latest therapy innovations joining us in Randwick.

You are getting a fresh face as Rachele heads towards completing her psychological registration with the College of Professional Psychology.

This means Rachele graduated from the University of Wollongong in 2014 with a Bachelor of Arts (Psychology Honors), with a major in Psychology and minor in Philosophy. Rachele is a dedicated and skilled therapist, she completed her Clinical Resource Therapist qualification in 2016 with the Resource Therapy Institute of Australia.

Her skills include working across the lifespan with children, adults and families. Rachele wants you to know she work from a strengths-based frame work with a client centered approach. Since provisional registration she has gained experience working with physical/intellectual disabilities, a range of mood related and developmental disorders, anxiety related disorders and personality disorders.  Rachele’s therapeutic toolkit includes Resource Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Motivational Interviewing and Solution Focused Therapy.

Rachele’s specialty areas of interest

include working with those of you who have phobias – fear of flying, addictions, social phobia, agoraphobia anxiety, depression, trauma and stress-related difficulties.

Lynn our latest therapist to join Marriage Works family!
Don’t let fear of flying keep you grounded!

Rachele is available on Fridays for individual adult appointments in Randwick.

You will also benefit from a special session rate. Please enquire with me Philipa 0434 559011. Book early to get your preferred time, as she has limitd appointment slots.

Welcome Rachele!

Rachele is an Associate Member of the APS.
Rachele is an Associate Member of the APS.

Save

Save

Save

Communication problems?

We are interested in hearing about the difficulties you face in talking to your partner.

Do you struggle to be assertive?
Perhaps you always try to let it go only to explode with overload?
Are you a peacekeeper, avoiding conflict at any cost, only to pay the price of disconnection?

You are not alone – poor communication skills are the number 1 issue couples face.

Need validation and communication skills?
Not feeling heard or understood? Feeling Stuck? Marital Therapy helps!

Chris and I want know your struggles, helps and hurts.  We are in the process of developing some exciting online resources.

We want you to talk your way to intimacy and healing in your relationship.
Please tell us your needs by sharing a quick comment, thank you!
You will be helping others too.

Save

Welcome to 2017! Relationship Hell or Relationship Heaven?

For many  of us 2016 involved highs and lows. I am certainly glad to be in 2017.
What does 2017 have in store for you? Will it be an easy time or continuing pain?
I’m hoping you want change old patterns and restore harmony.
Too often couples who are stuck in vicious communication cycles feel helpless and desperate. Repeating the same arguments without resolution or relationship repair. You have to have the tools!

air yourr elationship bridge
Build a strong bond in your relationship to bridge your issues in 2017

Well today is January 1st the day for resolution. So what will be the change you make ?  Personally I am aiming for more praise of others and sharing this joy. People really thrive with positive encouragement.

Please let us know your wishes for this year in the comments below.

Want expert relationship counseling? You have found couple therapists providing psychology services for your benefit.

We are back on deck from 10 January, hurry appointments fill fast, so call today for your free 15 minute consult 0434 55 90 11

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Happy Thanks Giving! What brings you relationship peace?

It’s nearly Thanks Giving in America, what a lovely celebration. Happy Black Friday to all our U.S. friends!

air yourr elationship bridge
Build a strong bond in your relationship to bridge your issues.

In Australia we can use this opportunity to notice what we are Thankful for.

Too many times Chris and I see couples fixated on the problems they’re having, to the exclusion of all the positives in their partnership. This causes more angst than peace and fuels many a fight.

Be a circuit breaker today in your relationship.

Stop for five minutes, take stock and do a quick relationship gratitude inventory:

  • What do I like about my partner?
  • How do they enhance my life?
  • How does he or she encourage my growth?
  • Think back to a time when you were both really happy and at peace, really step into that moment. Enjoy that sense of togetherness.
  • What in my heart of hearts am I grateful for in my relationship?

Your challenge is to share this lovingly with your spouse or partner. Notice what happens.

Please let me know how you go with this. Share below your experiences.

Couple Love by Samantha Villagran Mexico
Couple Love by S villagram Mexico

 

Save

Best on Screen Affair Apology with Robert De Niro

Over the weekend I saw The Intern with Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway starring. ( Spoiler alert I am going to give some things away!)

Anne’s character is a very busy productive woman who has started a very successful internet company, and reluctantly she takes on Robert De Niro as her intern. Well he wins her over of course with his usual charm!

Sadly Robert’s character sees Anne’s screen husband cheating with another school mum. A tad cliche I know. He doesn’t share this until she blurts out her concerns on a business trip. She has known for a while but has hoped it will all go away or ‘he would get it out of his system’.

The ostrich approach rarely works.

The husband’s screen presence is that of a nice guy who has strayed out of his marriage feeling lonely in his chosen role as primary caregiver to their daughter. He comes to his own truth about what is important to him and he decides it is his wife, her having her career and him learning about what led him to step outside of his marriage and breach their marriage vows.

In the best affair apology scene ever ( please feel free to share if you have others you recommend) he confronts the situation head on.

He goes to her work and fesses up. He takes full responsibility for his actions and choices ( Note he does not blame her, her work, or the lack of time, sex or intimacy). He acknowledges the impact of his unfaithfulness on her and their marriage ( owns the consequences) and commits to change for the future of their partnership by doing what it takes to achieve a new strength in their marriage to repair this marital crisis.

I urge anyone interested in recovering from the effects and impacts of infidelity to watch this, I am sorry it may be painful and sad especially if you are newly aware. Healing can happen with help. And please tell me your memorable moments from the silver screen that have helped you. Look forward to your comments.

Call us today to find out how to repair your relationship crisis.

Philipa 0434 55 90 11 or Chris 04111 44 646

Here’s the video trailer