Dear Relationship workers, Chris and I hope this finds you well. We are in a wet patch here in Sydney. Just met with the plumber for drainage help.
Gloriously we returned to Bali, a place where we reset our relationship. We fell in love with this wonderful island a few years back. For us, it has the flavor of a honeymoon all over again. Positive vibes that warm our hearts and keep our partnership healthy and strong.
Wanting to share the love and healing of magical Indonesia we are thinking of offering a couples retreat in Bali winter of 2023.
Bali Tropical Paradise Couples Retreat 2023
The program would be a long weekend with a mix of workshops and activities. For fun, frolic, and reinvigoration with real-world communication skills and exercises immersed in a tropical paradise.
My suggestion is that your relationship is in a stable place and you are wanting to increase your heartfelt connection.
It’s not “Survivor for Relationships” if you get my drift.
We will keep the group small. You will only ever work with your partner, so rest assured.
Naturally, we will all benefit from being together, sharing wisdom and all that brings.
Registrations of Interest are now open. Applications are open from all areas of the world. Please join us.
So drop me a line or add a comment below. Please sign up for the newsletter to keep in the loop.
Super excited to offer counselors, social workers, family educators, psychologists, and other therapists AIRTA IMago Australia’s online training. Register now :))
Imago Clinical Training – Starting April 2022
AIRTA has organised for International Imago presenters to deliver the Imago Clinical training. For health professionals who would like to become certified as Imago Therapists or those interested in learning the skills. The training is delivered online. Each module consists of 32 hours and this translates to 32 CPD hours. 100% attendance is required but exceptional circumstances will be considered if a session cannot be attended. Previously Imago Therapists can attend the lecture one hour component for free.
This is a prerequisite for Modules 2 & 3. It is an introduction to Imago theory. 16 hour are spent on lectures whilst the remaining 16 hours consist of homework, videos, etc.
Module 2
This consists of hands on practice and less theory. The different dialogues, such as, Parent Child Dialogue. It is a feedback model and focuses on the phenomenology beneath feelings.
Module 3
This is like a learning lab. Videos of the students work are studied, there is feedback and coaching, specialist areas are explored, such as reactive couples, addictions, affairs, multicultural couples, sex (this is touched on) and more.
6 months self study period
On going supervision group for 3 – 4 hours once a month. A final video is then submitted and once approved, the student will be certified as an Imago Therapist.
Presenters
The presenters are Gene Shelley, Nedra Fetterman and Kobus van der Merwe.
Gene Shelley Clinical Instructor and Workshop Presenter
Gene is a pastoral psychotherapist and a fellow in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors, an International Association of theologically and clinically trained therapists. He is a New York State Licensed Mental Health Counselor. He also is an affiliate member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. He was a former member of the teaching and supervising faculty of the Blanton-Peale Graduate Institute, a psychoanalytically oriented residency training program. (Imago Therapy Gene Shelly, M. Div.)
Gene is also a Imago Clinician, Clinical Instructor and Workshop presenter. He runs the Getting you Love Workshop and the Imago Clinical Training for therapists. In addition, he runs individual and group consultations to support Imago therapists.
Dr Nedra FettermanClinical Instructor and Workshop Presenter
Nedra is a licensed psychologist and Director of the Relationship Center in Ardmore, PA. She brings over 16 years of experience in working with couples, families and organizations and is a senior therapist at The Center for Psychological Services and a clinical consultant to Corporate Initiatives. While she is known for her gentle, healing touch, she is a powerful presence in her workshops and her trainings. As a coach and mentor, she is committed to producing results which often means assisting clients transcends their self-imposed limitations and to get on with the adventrure of their lives. Nedra is passionate about rekindling her client’s aliveness and increasing their sense of wonder and possibility.
Nedra is a unique member of this training team and her work inspires transformational work in others. In both her workshops and trainngs, participants speak openly about the vulnerabilities and strengths that took them from a place of distance and injury to a place of connection and healing. She lives the dialogical processes that are at the heart and soul of vibrant relationships. (Imago Therapy Nedra Fetterman, Ph.D. (geneshelly.com)
Kobus van der MerweClinical Instructor and Workshop Presenter
Kobus van der Merwe is a faculty member of Imago International Training Institute and has been training clinicians in Imago Relationship Therapy (Clinical Training) and other professionals in the Imago Relationship Theory (Imago Professional Facilitator Training) since 1998.
He was a winner of the Harville Hendrix Award for Clinical Excellence in 2016 and is currently a Professor of Imago Studies at Daybreak University, California USA.
Kobus is a remarkable teacher and couples’ therapist who seamlessly weaves theory and Imago relationship constructs into his practice and supervision with students.
He has made a significant contribution to the development of Imago globally and particularly in South Africa. He is a second-generation Imago practitioner as both his parent’s practice Imago. He has been married to Anita for 30 years and together they have nurtured a family of third-generation Imago practitioners. (Kobus – Imago Africa).
Dates of the training
Module 1 (Duration 2 Hrs)
Module 2 (Duration 4 Hrs)
Module 3 (Duration 4 Hrs)
Tues 26 April 2022
8:00 am
Tues 19 July 2022
8:00 am
Tues 11 Oct 2022
8:00 am
Mon 2 May 2022
7:00 pm
Tues 26 July 2022
8:00 am
Tues 18 Oct 2022
8:00 am
Tues 10 May 2022
8:00 am
Tues 2 Aug 2022
8:00 am
Tues 25 Oct 2022
8:00 am
Tues 17 May 2022
8:00 am
Tues 9 Aug 2022
8:00 am
Tues 1 Nov 2022
8:00 am
Tues 24 May 2022
8:00 am
Tues 16 Aug 2022
8:00 am
Tues 8 Nov 2022
8:00 am
Tues 7 June 2022
8:00 am
Tues 23 Aug 2022
8:00 am
Tues 15 Nov 2022
8:00 am
Tues 14 June 2022
8:00 am
Tues 30 Aug 2022
8:00 am
Tues 22 Nov 2022
8:00 am
Mon 17 June 2022
7:00 pm
Tues 13 Sept 2022
8:00 am
Tues 30 Nov 2022
8:00 am
Costs of the Training $1400 Early bird Prior April $1500 Standard fee
Welcome back to the Marriage Works Monthly Challenge Series. This is really a call to action to encourage share your positive parts to the world. This is for you no matter what your relationship status.
This month as we start to unfurl from lockdown’s, COVID 19 restrictions I ask you to share your kindness.
For some of us, this will be anxiety-provoking, possibly overwhelm, for others of us it may be a relief.
Whatever your reaction is, know it is all within the normal range to an abnormal situation.
Our partners can have their unique reactions to this so please be mindful and generous to their experiences.
So please share kindness. ?
I am a kiwi at home in Sydney (New Zealander for those who don’t know the euphemism). Being from a small town Thames it’s natural to say Hi and smile at folks when we are out and about. This can be such a goodwill gesture and often rewarded in kind.
Start with small.
Sometimes we have the opportunity to do more. I have had a friend who unexpectedly ended up in hospital. She called and I was able to get her clothes, supplies, feed her cat Izzy and support her. She is out now of danger and things are improving thank goodness.
Here’s the YouTube Marriage Works Channel video on Sharing kindness ? Hear how I responded when a lady got anxious and told me off at the mall.
Chris, my spouse is my standard for love and kind treatment. He is my lauchpad for care and respect.
In my rooms I see couples, lone partners and singles all striving for love.
Many times there’s a struggle to find self worth, value and a belief in ourselves as deserving of a loving happy relationship.
Things go off into the ditch.
This is when our negative patterns show up in partnerships.
We use the idea of a maximiser – the one who demands and speaks up. They are like the hailstorm and pour down harder to be heard.
Hailstorm Thunder of words can be overwhelming. This is a maximiser trait.
On the flip side is the minimiser. Their pattern is withdrawal. We call these guys the Turtle. They pull back into their shells protectively.
The turtle or tortoise withdraws to protect and minimise, usually invoking more thunder and hail from the maximiser!
Whey I say this to couples they nod knowingly. They usually know whether they are a turtle or a hailstorm in their partnership.
I saw John Aiken pointing out this very dynamic on Married At First Sight. Boy what a hothouse for explosivity. Makes for TV ratings. I love that we are talking about relationships.
This dynamic becomes problematic when it goes off road in the ditch.
When harsh words are said against ones character, foul language and escalation happen.
We can quickly go to the danger zone.
While time outs are a useful tool and necessary tool. It’s vital we learn newer, safer, supportive ways of connecting and communicating.
Danger zone, the frontal lobe is off line. We come from our reptilian brain. Attack and defend naturally occurs as our biology kicks in.
That’s why I coach couples dialogue in my sessions. So your can find a part to help you get your needs met.
You get real world skills to apply in your relationship when the sparks fly.
If a partner comes alone, I always will extend an invitation to attend. Some come, some don’t. Sometimes it’s a new beginning or the next stage in their partnership.
One gentleman I saw for 10-12 sessions solo, by the end of our work they were happily engaged. Gorgeous pictures of roses, rings and romance. Ah love my work!
Occasionally my radar goes up where I hear contempt and threats. I gently query how the person feels on the end of this – this is the marker and what if any repair happens.
When there are excuses, blame and no accountability, I get concerned.
While I totally believe people can change. The proviso is they must want the change for themselves.
It’s usually then I point to a picture of us on our wedding day and say this is Chris. He would never say $%$^ to me. I have haven’t ever heard him use foul language apart from the rare stubbed toe expletive.
Chris wouldn’t ever say or treat me in that way. I trust him to support me and have my back. While we may not agree on everything, it’s all up for negotiation.
No he’s not an angel but he is good, kind and acts with restraint. Guess who’s the turtle here!
Respect is a cornerstone in a healthy relationship and it’s important we restore it quickly when it’s lost. No one’s perfect!
You are welcome to use Chris as a baseline too!
Ask yourself if there is a person or partnership you admire. Would they act that way, or say that ?
Perhaps we can require more of ourselves and our partners as we learn and grow together. Go gently and live fully. Yours in gratitude Philipa xox
I have just spent the last 3 days with my husband Chris attending a Character growth Imago workshop. This was with Advanced Imago Therapist Brenda Rawlings of The Imago Institute of New Zealand See here https://www.relationships.co.nz/about-us/
Now we are in luck Sydney folk!
The Couples Retreat – a 2 day weekend is here! Brenda and husband Peter are offering the Getting the Love You Want Couples workshop. Up the road in lovely Crows Nest.
We can definitely recommend this workshop. Indeed it saved us from the brink. Please do yourself a favour and get the love you want. Your partnership is worth putting in a 2 days effort !
The best thing you can do for your relationship health and well being is to come in early. Relationships can be repaired. It is so much easier and quicker to learn new ways or communicating and relating before hard core patterns of hurt set in. Waiting for change won’t work and the alternative where there is a breakdown or a crisis like an affair will double or even treble the time, energy and money you will have to channel into your couple therapy.
Not only does all the research confirm this commonsense tells you the truth here. Come in before your spouse says they don’t love you or it’s over.
Why wait for that pain?
Perhaps you have already heard those words. Come in and improve your partnership today I have a quick 4 minute video here encouraging you to take action and save yourself heartache and pain plus money !
Make the call today – take action!
You want this to be a beautiful version of your future – look at this couple.
Live in love together to a ripe age and stage having fun in your marriage.
I want to share something personal – this is a huge thing for me to put on the website being a very private person. Yet I am a great believer in being real and honest. Chris and I went through some tough times earlier this year. We had come to a place of separation.
It was over as we were wanting different things from the relationship.
Marriage
I am traditional and believe in the institution of Marriage – hence the name Marriage Works – right! Of course you can be totally committed partners without it. I am no Marriagist. Chris having been divorced was not bothered by matrimony.
I am glad to say we did work things through and are happily back together in a more powerful and deeper connection than ever.
Plus we got married on November 3rd 2018, a happy day all round!
The Bride and Groom – Chris and Philipa got hitched!
What helped was us going and seeing a couple therapist and working through our sticking points. Being a client and learning about myself has always improved my therapy game. I could not believe how anxious I was going to every appointment. I definitely have a bucket load more compassion having had the counseling experience. Our good therapist really turned things around. Thank you!
Brenda and Peter hold these workshops in Sydney, Melbourne and Auckland New Zealand. In the weekend we learnt so much about each other and it offered us a way forward in hope with our love.
I am passionate about couples learning to connect and heal this can happen in the therapy room. The bonus is you get to take the learning and techniques into your life.
Look up and see the light and move away from misery and pain
Using it as a therapy tool I have seen partner’s change in 90 minutes as they see and get their spouses angst in a hearfelt way. It’s different to the old ways of communicating which lead to hopelessness and desperation.
I recommend it to all my couples and friends! It is coming very soon 8/9 December so give your self the best gift every – a healthier, happier relationship for the two of you.
The Last Resort Technique page has offered hundreds of people hope and help when their spouse has dropped the proverbial bomb-shell – ” I’m leaving you.”
Having you all write in and share your heartfelt journey is very special to me – a big thank you.
For a while now I have been wanting to respond further and have added the Utube video on the LRT here Marriage Works Utube Channel
Often people who contact me want a personalised response to their situation and a guide through the LRT. Due to my busy schedule that is not always possible.
Heal heartbreak with the Last Resort Technique Workbook coming soon!
So I want to help you with my experience and offer you a workbook. I thought I would reach out and ask – what help do you want from a Last Resort Workbook?
Would it be more on Step 1. Or how to find a life in Step 2 or could it be how to have the patience needed in Step 3 and keep hope alive.
Please send me a comment below – I would really be thankful!
It’s a lovely piece. Perhaps you have a story about your pet? Please share your experiences.
Chris and I love our rescue cat Taneis
It’s not puppy love, unconditional love cannot be overestimated. So cute!
ha to bits. She is 16 years old and still going strong. She’s on my lap as I write this the little darling. She offers unconditional love and it is so nice to stroke her soft fur and hear a purr emit from her belly. The simple things!
This is the gorgeous Taneisha my rescue cat.
Please add your story below in the comments section. Love to see pictures too.
Doggy Love -The Joys of a sharing together.
Buying a dog in any relationship is a huge step. That’s because it essentially means you’re adding a new family member. It’s a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. A lot of thought, research, and careful planning needs to go into choosing a special pet. It’s always a smart idea to make lists of the pros before running to a shelter and grabbing the first dog you see. After careful consideration, you’ll find that a dog is a great asset to any marriage and any family.
What a great pair, think of the fun you can have choosing and caring for your dog![/caption]
Shopping Together for the Dog
Before you pick out a dog for your relationship, you’ll need to do some planning. This helps to make sure that everything goes smoothly and there’s no unexpected hiccups or arguments later on. Do your research on what type of dog you’d like to add to your home. Different breeds have different wants, needs, and activity levels. Find a reputable dog shelter or breeder, choose dog food that fosters their growth, toys for fun and learning, and dog treats that are healthy.
Dogs Can Save Your Marriage
If you’re having problems in your relationship or marriage, adding a dog may just be what the doctor ordered. Dogs can help save a marriage because it gives both people involved something positive to focus their energy on. Dogs also provide love to a relationship that may be struggling. They’re an outlet for positive energy and something that couples can focus their time on together.
Picking Out a Dog is a Bonding Experience
Choosing a dog, their food, their toys, and everything else is a bonding experience in itself. Couples can come together and learn a little bit about each other by learning what type of dogs and characteristics each other fancies. When a couple decides on what type of dog they’d like to adopt, they can make a day out of getting things ready for the dog. Not only does this entail picking out supplies and creating a safe place at home for the dog, it also means picking out the dog itself. Couples get a chance to meet different dogs in a small room or while going for a walk. This helps them find the one that is right for their family.
More Fun Activities For Couples Thanks to Our Dogs
If you are looking to improve your marriage, simply add a dog. That’s because if you are having marriage troubles, you’re most likely bored, frustrated, or unhappy with the routine that you’re stuck in. A dog can fix this because it completely changes your life. Instead of waking up, going to work, making dinner, and going to bed; there are now new possibilities. You can bond in the following ways with your spouse and the dog:
By going for a walk to see the scenery
Going for a hike anywhere that’s dog-friendly
Taking a trip to the dog park
Cuddling up together on the couch The three of you cuddling, laughing and loving together.
This breaks that routine that married couples feel they were stuck in. Dogs mean that everyday will be something different for you and your spouse. If you’re ever feeling frustrated, take some time alone with the dog.
Dogs Give Love Which in Turn Creates More Love
In conclusion, dogs provide love. If you’re marriage is struggling, it might be because it’s lacking love. A dog can come along and change everything. They can show that they have so much love to give which, in turn, can inspire you and your spouse. Dogs are also happy creatures. It’s hard to be upset when there’s a happy, panting, tail-wagging friend that is waiting for you every day. Overall, dogs can boost your morale, give you hope, and inspire you to do better not just in your marriage but in all aspects of your life.
This piece is written by Professional dog walker – Bruce Dwyer. He also runs dog treats business at https://www.healthydogtreats.com.au/. He strongly believes in having a dog to improve your marriage.
Thanks ever so much Bruce for your guest contribution, dogs can be our guides for unconditional love, a truly wonderful thing.
We love all animals at Marriage Works and I am Grandma to Tyson the Staffy!
My Grand doggy Tyson the Staffy is 5!
Have a helpful contribution you want to make ? Please contact me philipathornton@gmail.com
