Marriage Works husband and wife team helping you to have happiness

Relationship Coaching Helps You Reconnect with Your Love and Strengthen Your Partnership

Last updated on July 3rd, 2023 at 11:46 am

Please call us on 0434 559 011 today to book your free 15 minute call

Marriage Works is an Imago relationship counseling psychology service designed to give you practical, research-based communication skills and relationship advice to help you deal with your marital issues, roadblocks, personal stresses, and intimacy problems. We see couples or individuals, coaching for success.

Happy Couple Embracing love
We all need to enjoy the happiness of a supportive relationship. Imago Couple coaching can help save your partnership hurt and heartache and restore love.

If you are looking to have a better relationship with your life partner, your family, your child, your friends, your colleagues, and your community, Marriage Works will help achieve this with practical, common sense, real-world solutions for YOU.

Offering Imago relationship counseling, family therapy, marriage, and couple therapy to partners and individuals, Marriage Works is run by husband and wife team Philipa Thornton and Chris Paulin who are both recognized and qualified registered Sydney and online eastern suburbs psychologists and are fully accredited with the Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency (AHPRA) and Medicare.

Do you recognize yourself or your partner in any of these statements?

  • My partner has had an affair and I just cannot get over it.
  • All we ever do is argue, fight, and never get anywhere.
  • We just can’t seem to communicate anymore.
  • I am sick of the misunderstanding, hurt, and pain.
  • Things just aren’t the same after the baby arrived. I feel lonely and alone.
  • Since we had kids, we have forgotten about ‘us’. It’s like we are living separate
  • We have lost the spark –HELP! There is no sex or romance. Can we ever get it back again?
  • I just don’t know what to do anymore.

You may be in tears while reading this. We understand this is a painful time but please continue reading on for ways to find relief.

Betrayal, hurt, shock and anguish are common when affairs are discovered.
Betrayal, hurt, shock and anguish are common when affairs are discovered.

Are You are Ready to book now? Sick and tired and can’t wait any longer? Please call us on 0434 559 011 on weekdays 9-5.

For those not in a relationship we offer coaching for healing and getting you back out there.

Please call us on 0434 559 011 for help today
Please call us on 0434 559 011 for relationship healing today

You Are Not Alone

Help is at hand – We will work with you to give you back HOPE. And the fact you are here on our couples counseling website is actually a great start.

If this is a relationship emergency where your spouse has dropped the D word bombshell go here for the Last Resort support immediately:

Your couple goals are important to us at Marriage Work
Your healing and relationship goals are important to us at Marriage Works

Decades of scientific research from Professor John Gottman support this. Professor Gottman is an expert in psychology, specializing in predicting divorce by watching couples attempt to resolve marital conflict. His studies show that most couples face these and other serious problems:

  • Affairs and infidelities
  • Communication problems – criticism, blame, attacking, and defensiveness
  • Distrust and fear from past unresolved issues
  • Money worries
  • Grief and loss
  • Parenting issues
  • Separation issues
  • Conflict avoidance
  • Challenges of blended families
  • Sexual problems and intimacy issues
  • Depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other mental and physical health problems
  • Family problems and crises – miscarriage, job loss, natural disasters, bushfires, tsunamis… you name it!Care for your heart is at hand

Although this seems to be a long list and a little overwhelming to read, we are certain that you saw your problems laid out for you. And your decision to visit our website means you are determined to get expert professional relationship help. Have no fear, you are in good hands and we are committed to giving you the help that you need.

Happy communicators make good friends and lovers

Can’t wait, need help now?  Please call us on 0434 559 011 or 0411 144 646 on weekdays 9-5 to organize your free 15-minute consultation. Email Philipa Thornton at

Break Free from relationship pain
Break Free from relationship pain

Break Free from the rut and get out of the trenches! Relationship counseling will free you from corrosive patterns of pain and help you create the loving relationship of your heart’s desires.

Love meeting of the mind and heart fast tracked with therapy
Love meeting of the mind and heart is fast-tracked with good therapy

We will help you and your significant other learn new skills and heal emotional pains. Know you are not alone in your pain. Truly, it doesn’t have to be this way. Marital therapy and relationship counseling can help you rebuild your relationship.

Please call us on 0411144646 for help today

With relationship counseling or marriage therapy, you can:

  • Achieve connection and enhanced intimacy by being in a safe, caring, and committed partnership – on the same team
  • Feel truly heard and able to express your feelings with open, honest, and respectful communication skills
  • Resolve conflict in a healthy, cooperative, and collaborative way
  • Have compassion for yourself and your partner that creates closeness, understanding, and validation
  • Heal from past hurts and be free of resentment
  • Create a loving, open, and honest space that shows your children what a strong bond and healthy respectful partnership looks likemothers-love-659685_1920
  • Attain sexual excitement and vigor through increased intimate partner connection
  • Enhance emotional connection and support in all areas of your life
  • Achieve a life vision that inspires and encourages the best for you and your future life relationship together
Let your relationship reach the heights
Let your relationship reach its heights of heartfelt connection and fun!

Partner won’t come? 

Not an issue. We can work solo with you – as a friend of mine Michele Weiner-Davis says “It only takes one to Tango.”  We have helped many individuals work on their relationships without their partners attending.  From single to engaged. Separated to saying I do. Find our Prepare Package pre-marriage kit here.  Call us now at 0434 559 011  for a free 15-minute consultation. You may also email Philipa Thornton at

Emergency Help -My wife wants a divorce, help my husband has said he wants to separate,  she said she doesn’t love me anymore, I love you but I am not in love with you, and the worst feeling of all – it’s over. You need the Last Resort for when your partner is about to leave or already out the door. If you want Marriage Saving Advice click here

Find the Secret to True Intimacy & Love in Your Relationship Today!

Find out HOW you can move forward into being the couple you love and admire, desiring each other, caringemotionally connected, and committed.

Free yourself from the worries of the past and resolve your relationship problems now. Let your children see parents that live, love, and stay together through the toughest times.

Good times are togetherness with love and laughter.
Good times are togetherness with love and laughter. This can be the two of you again xx

As trained Imago Therapy relationship psychologists, we at Marriage Works know how Marriage Therapy and Relationship Counselling can help you to break free from unhappy and unhealthy relationship patterns.

Don’t wait until it gets really bad. Please call us now at 0434 559 011  to begin experiencing the changes you want today.

Advantages of Working with Registered Psychologists

Australian Psychological Society (APS) Associate Member Logo
Australian Psychological Society

The advantages of working with fully qualified psychologists who are registered with the Australian Psychology Board, the Australian Psychologist Association (APS), and the Australian Health Practitioners Regulation Authority (AHPRA) cannot be underestimated.

Philipa is a psychologist who is registered with Victims Services NSW part of the Attorney General’s office. Sorry her books are closed on this service please see the list of other therapists here. This means she specializes in working with individuals to overcome  Attachment issues, Domestic Violence, Trauma Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Complex PTSD and regain their self and life back.

We can offer you Medicare Rebates and Private Health Insurance Claims with HICAPS and EFTPOS on-site, claiming for rebates in most instances.

What Does This Mean for You?

Peace of mind, knowing that you have a mental health professional who operates within a code of ethics, is consistently updating their skills, is committed to excellence, and is trusted to be backed by the Federal Government’s Australian Health Practitioners Regulation Agency (AHPRA).

What do I get?
What do I get?

If you are eligible, you may benefit further by being able to access Medicare Rebates under the Department of Health. With the Better Access Initiative, your doctor can refer you to psychologists and mental health practitioners through the Medicare Benefits Scheme (MBS). For more information on the Better Access to Psychiatrists, Psychologists and General Practitioners through the MBS (Better Access) initiative click this text.

Happy Love
Happy Love

Get the Help You Need from Qualified and Experienced Relationship Psychologists


As a married couple We SPECIALIZE in relationships, and you get the additional benefits of top credentials and an experienced professional couple therapist.

Cherish those special times
Cherish those special times

Philipa successfully completed the Australian Institute of Relationship Studies (AIRS, a division of Relationships Australia) Graduate Diploma of Systemic Couple Therapy. This course incorporates theory and practice in order to qualify to their high standards of professional service.

Chris has a Master in Psychology Degree. He previously worked for the Health Department and we are lucky to have him at Marriage Works. Chris is seeing both couples and their families. Please call Chris on 0411144646 now to book your time.

Chris and Philipa at her daughter's wedding
Meet Chris and Philipa – happy mother of the bride at my daughter Jessica’s wedding.

As field-proven Eastern Suburbs Psychologists with over 50 years of counseling training and experience in working with singles and couples on relationship issues, Philipa and Chris possess the tools, techniques, and strategies that can help you discover insights and take action to change your love patterns.

We feel truly blessed to have the skills, knowledge, ability, and opportunity to work with couples and individuals who are struggling with what seems like impossible odds.

At Marriage Works, you can benefit from:

  • Counselling services using evidence-based psychological therapies that are tried and true
  • Cognitive behavioural therapy
  • Resource Therapy ( Advanced Ego State)
  • Research proven Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping for depression and anxiety
Therapy for peace
Therapy for peace

Resource Therapy for sexual abuse, trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic violence, addictions, OCD, Phobias, and low self-esteem

Happy Lovehelp-686323_1920

New to relationship counseling?

Check out what to expect in couples sessions and how you can prepare for a better relationship in the relationship advice section. Please read this to make the most of your couple therapy session before your appointment with us.

All dogs can learn new things, so can we at any age. Thanks Mr Dawson

It’s an emergency my spouse has dropped the divorce bomb. You need the LAST Resort Technique to turn your relationship around today. Click the link Relationship breakdown, then the LRT is for you.

Relationship pain, is heart breakingly sad. Help is at hand.
Relationship pain is heart-breakingly sad and worrying. Help is at hand.

Engaged and about to get married?

Congratulations on your engagement.Congratulations on your engagement. Champagne to celebrate.Champagne to celebrate.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and engagement. Champagne to celebrate!

We invite you to look at our pre-marriage counselling packages. We offer very super reasonable rates for our Prepare/Enrich Program.

Our Location

At Marriage Works, you get to work with trained Medicare-registered psychologists in Randwick, near Bondi Junction/Woollahra. Our practice location is very close to Coogee, Clovelly, Bronte, Chifley, Centennial Park, La Perouse, Maroubra, Kingsford, Daceyville, Queens Park, Charing Cross, and Kensington areas. There is plenty of free parking for your convenience.

Public transport is easily accessible, as we are conveniently located in the Eastern Suburbs.  Both our Randwick Junction office 2031 and our Edgecliff Road Woollahra premises are easily accessible from the Bondi Junction train station and bus interchange. There are several regular buses available to our practice location in Randwick via East Gardens (314, 316, 317, 370, 377, 373, 410, 348, 400, M50), Clovelly, or Sydney City.  Of course, you can always grab an Uber or taxi if you choose!

Marriage Works Randwick Location in Sydney NSW, Australia:

Contact Us Today and Start Working Towards Your Ideal Relationship Rapidly

At Marriage Works, you will find the help and hope you need with your relationship problems. We are looking forward to encouraging safety and trust, so you can ease into your relationships, marriage, and life.

Determined to start now?

Call us today at 0434 559 011  for a free 15-minute consultation. You may also email Philipa Thornton at or Chris Paulin 0411144646 or email at

Happy Couple Smiling Milkshake
Share your ideal love vision and attuned relationship today.

44 thoughts on “Relationship Coaching Helps You Reconnect with Your Love and Strengthen Your Partnership”

  1. Hi
    Would like us/me to see you. Do you need to have a referral from a gp before we see you?
    We live in Surry Hills and I currently work 4 days a week with Wednesday being the day off. My wife is on maternity leave with our second child. So anytime on Wednesday’s would suit.

    1. No GP referral necessary, just a willingness to change and work through things. Please contact me directly via email or phone me 0434 55 90 11.
      Best Wishes Philipa

    2. Hi me and my child’s mother was looking to get married but I’m not ready due to a few issues between each other and our household! We don’t trust each other due to our past, she has a daughter that thinks she’s mine cause her father died back bout a year after she was born and her mom hasn’t build the strength to tell her yet and she’s 8 now but I pulled my family in this lie for her sake and I have children in other households which I feel she doesn’t really care for due to her actions and plays the stepmother role for me as long as I make her kids come first and I also have my youngest child by her which we also argue bout cause both feel the kids get treated differently between the ones that’s biological mine and the one that isn’t. Do u think u can help fix this or let us know if its worth being together cause I want to give up!

      1. Hi Richard,
        i can hear you are not ready for marriage and it is good to resolve the issues in your relationship and household. Sounds like more security is needed for you both. A relationship grows stronger with safety and kindness. What can you both do to encourage this, without expectation?

        Trust issues are good to address and work through. You sound like you are taking an important father role in all your children’s life and care about their best interests. Blended families require a lot of careful negotiation and care. Certainly you are fighting as you both care very deeply – I take that as a good sign !
        Therapy I believe would help certainly. When children are involved you are going to have to have an ongoing relationship. It is good to focus on the highest interests of the children.
        Healing relationships is a worthy ideal.
        I applaud you for reaching out and encourage you to take action and seek relationship therapy near you.
        Thanks for sharing your struggles Rick and may they ease soon!
        Warmly Philipa

  2. I am estranged from my only daughter since May 2009
    I need assistance in drafting a constructive positive letter to her

    Any suggestions ?

    Thank You

    1. Hi Michael,
      good on you for reaching out to your daughter in order to repair your rift. A letter is a positive start.I would start with what your intentions are for contacting her, acknowledging any past hurt/disconnection/emotional conflicts etc and committing to a genuine understanding and rebuilding at a rate she is comfortable with. Usually that is slowly, slowly and be willing to listen to her without defensiveness or correction, rather be empathic and show this to her. Being authentic and mature are vital parenting roles we need to hold ourselves to.
      Perhaps get a trusted friend to check and review your letter. Be open, soft and hopeful.
      Good luck!

  3. I’m experiencing tremendous inner conflict with my marriage after almost 42 yrs and I don’t know where to turn for help to resolve my all-consuming and troubling thoughts.

    1. Hi Denise, first stop would be to talk to your husband with regard to the inner conflict you are experiencing, this may open the door for both of you to work through things. Failing that, it would be a great idea to chat to a qualified therapist in your local area, to help you clarify this relationship challenge. Good luck, Philipa

  4. Hi,
    I am married for almost 9 years and it was almost like an arranged marriage. till now i found it very hard to communicate with my husband and to establish my thoughts. recently the conflict became very high as i couldn’t have a baby yet through i tried 4 times last year through IVF. my husband and his mum just cant take it. Now he is not talking to me and always saying why i dont want to end up this mariage. i want to keep this marriage going on and want to start to talk to him to try again for having a child. but i dont know how to communicate properly to him so that he listens. what should i do?he seems a very good person when he is not in frustration and angry. i know he has good sides but when he gets upset its way too much and i find it he wants me to make guilty always for everything sad happening and i cant see respect for me in his eyes.

    1. Dear Heena,
      it sounds like you are in a tough place. I am sorry the conflict and communication is feeling very stuck.

      It is difficult for you both in very different ways undergoing 4 IVF cycles. I am sure you want to bring a baby into a relationship that is feeling safe, strong and stable for you both. I can hear you feel on the outer and isolated from your husband. It is not unusual for couples to get stuck in this communication roadblock from the hurt and frustration levels rising.

      I order to begin the repair process I would start by asking when would be a good time to talk to him about your relationship. Make that time and tell him of your feelings an dask him what he thinks you need to do in order to resolve this. Say something like ” In the interests of our marriage I would like to work through things, so we can get to a happier place.” In honor of our years of marriage. ”

      This must be done without blame or accusation. If things start to get heated make sure you take a time out ( google time outs, I will put an article up soon) – e.g. ” I am feeling too upset to talk further…and I would like to make another time to keep talking, when would you prefer”. At least 45 minutes need to pass before starting again. Do this before the old patterns of anger and frustrations start to take over.

      Good listening is what marriage counselors can teach couples in a way that allows them to feel heard and understood. This doesn’t mean someone will necessarily agree. It does promote better relationships and greater empathy for each other a wonderful things.
      Good luck and let us know how you go with suggestions.
      Best Wishes Philipa

  5. Hi Philipa,

    Is it possible to have individual counseling without my wife as she does not want to try to fix things at this stage ? I believe things can be repaired but she isn’t interested at this stage due to her perception that it was going to be a mutual split and she made her mind up based on that a few weeks ago after thinking about it for a long time. We still live together for the kids and she plans on staying while the kids are at school – this gives me time to work on myself and our connection but I would love to have some help to confirm I am doing things the right way. Thankyou. J

    1. Hello Joe,
      Yes indeed it is possible to work on your marriage individually.
      As always I want to work with folk who are ready to change.
      I am glad you are ready to take up this opportunity. Of course in life as you know there are no guaranteed outcomes, but working on yourself will definitely give you are head start. I look forward to meeting you Joe.
      Best Wishes Philipa

  6. Hi Philipa,
    I was diagnosed Biplolar 2 after having 2 affairs consecutively, I have since sought treatment & am now medicated.
    Since this revelation things immediately seemed to improve & while things seem better than before we still seem to be stuck in a rut. We both now have PTSD symptoms & I am trying to be extremely patient but I wonder if he really is wasting his time on me. I had already offered him that I would be happy to leave if that’s what he wants & renounce all assets & money. I have shared passwords for all social media & mobile phone, have no contact with anyone & regularly share my locations via whatsap. I have made so many efforts for him but it’s never enough. I don’t blame him at all though. We were together for 12 years extremely happy until my manic episode that lasted 12 to 18 months & my memory is so sketchy it simply doesn’t help the matter.
    Are your treatments appropriate for this kind of situation?
    Thank you

    1. Hi There Ted,
      Im sorry to hear you and your relationship has undergone some distress, it’s great you are reaching out. Therapy can really help you both heal from the PTSD and repair your relationship. I would definitely encourage you to make an appointment with a trained marital therapist in your area. I am in Sydney but please send me an email if you would like referrals in your area.
      Good luck and you can recover. Philipa

    1. Hi Daniel,
      sorry your wife has left you. There are a lot of what if’s around reversing a persons decision to leave. But you now have an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the relationship. You really need to hear what your partner’s complaints have been and make adjustments. Sometimes even with all that it can be too little to late. Good luck and I wish you all the best, Daniel.
      Regards Philipa

  7. Hi Philipa,
    I am struggle with my relationship. WE are together for more then 4 years and have a baby 1.7 yo. I had post natal depression as I felt lonely without help from my partner after the baby. He does not have a good communication, we have different culture (opposite as I like to solve the problem quickly and him likes to be quiet and do not talk) Looks like we do not have admiration for each other anymore. Just obligation of life are between us. He affect me as he always sad and bad mood… and I get it as I might have done something… I am work full time and him as well, However he feels he do everthing at home and I feel that he does not help me with baby… So both are feeling with no support…. I do not know what we can do as communication is the skills that he does not have.
    Please help us.

    1. Thanks Gisele,
      I will be in contact via email.
      Congratulations on your baby and sorry you are impacted by post natal depression, which can be symptomatic of relationship distress.

      Let me reassure you communication is the number one complaint couples come in with. Often couples struggle with the adjustment of a baby into their relationship and how to best address this.

      It is great you are both seeking support, and therapy willl help fast track the change process.
      Best Wishes PHilipa

    1. Hello there Rama,
      That’s a good question. Its around 6-12 sessions. I’ve seen couples for only four sessions and some for over 20.
      Of course that’s a general guide. Every couple story is unique and it’s important you get the results you’re after.

      Thanking you for contacting Marriage Works – making your marriage work for you !

  8. Really sad to hear that your relationship has undergone some distress, it can great you are attaining out. Therapy can certainly help you both heal and can repair your relationship. I would definitely encourage you to make an appointment with a trained marital therapist in your area.

    1. Thanks Hilary for you comment – you are caring and kind.
      You are so right good therapy can really speed up healing and repair. We therapists encourage folk to come in early. Especially with relationship injury and breakdown.
      Please take Hilary’s advice and find a trained marital therapist near you today.
      Take action!

      In love and Light, Philipa

  9. Hi,
    My husband recently found out I have been having feelings for other men. He is angry and hurt. He had an affair 4 yrs ago and thinks i am refusing to move on. I don’t knwo how I can. We don’t communicate well at all. I have asked him to move out into a hotel which he has as he said he doesn’t want to try counselling again. He doesn’t think it will not work as we tried it before and whilst ot was better for a while, it was by no means fixed. I have told him I want to try counselling as i still love him. He refuses to accept this and says no.
    I have said we have to break up then so he said ok good. The thing is o have no idea how to do this and what to tell the kids. (3, 7 and 10). They are already balls of anxiety and anger because of our relationship.
    Is it too late?

    1. Hi Sally,
      I can certainly hear your relationship has been under stress from this crisis four years ago.
      Sadly I do see too many folk try and ‘get over it’ but end up stuck in unhelpful patterns of hurt and distress unable to process things.

      It does take dedication from both partners to move on from impact of an affair. It often takes a few goes for people in counselling before they hit their stride as it were.

      I am glad things got better for a while with therapy, this is common. I am guessing you were not able to address and deal with the deeper issues affecting the marriage.

      In my experience couples need to recover from the trauma and also release the guilt around this, otherwise it just keeps playing out between you both. Then they also need to work on enhancing the relationship as they grow together in recovery.

      I really cant’ say if it is too late.

      That fact you are concerned and want to work on things in therapy suggests hope. I have worked with one partner and this has caused a shift in the relationship and even a turnaround.

      As for telling the children, you and your husband do need to sit down and talk about what your plans are in a reasoned and practical state. When you have a fair idea of the next steps, whatever they are, the two of you will need to sit down and talk to your children. Kids have an amazing capacity to know all’s not well in the family environment. I believe talking with them, reassuring them you both love them, will be the best steps to help them be less anxious and angry (which suggests to me that they are most likely scared and unsettled).

      Good luck with it.
      Warmly Philipa

    1. Thanks Jill, for your contact and selecting Marriage Works for relationship strengthening and enhancement.
      I will be in contact with you directly via email to arrange your appointment for therapy.
      Best Wishes,

  10. Hi
    I live in Melbourne and are having issues can you recommend anyone down here?
    I am originally from Sydney (Kingsford) so come up to Sydney frequently. How many sessions do u recommend and how much are your fees?

    1. Hi Maria,
      I can certainly recommend folk in Melbourne. My daughter lives there, I enjoy visiting. What part of Melbourne please?

      Well Kingsford is close to my Sydney office in Randwick.As for recommended number of appointments for therapy – usually around 1-11 sessions but that number can vary according to your individual circumstances. The session rate is $200. I also offer SKYPE sessions to but prefer to meet first if you are coming to Sydney.
      Thanks for your inquiry.
      Best Wishes Philipa.

  11. Dear Philipa

    I would like some counselling along with my wife on effective couple communication skills and conflict resolution.
    How many sessions will it take and how much will it cost?



    1. Dear Vipin,
      thanks for your email and I am so pleased you and your wife want to improve your marriage with therapy. I responded directly to you with specifics.

      There are many variables involved in being able to estimate how long you will be in counselling. Things affect the duration of therapy are : how long you have been struggling with the issues you wish to resolve, each of your desire to change and be accountable to your relationship.

      It can be one session up to twenty counseling hours. I know this is vague but therapy is unique and adapted to your needs, skill levels and growth encouragement personally and within the partnership.

      Definitely giving you a big wave as you go into therapy and coaching. This is a wonderful opportunity to restore and regenerate your marriage.
      Well done!
      Best Wishes Philipa

  12. Do you need your ex-husband back or you want to save your marriage / relationship from breakup and Divorce?
    Give this a go!

  13. Hi Philipa,

    Do you have an upcoming couples retreat in September? If so, could you send me the details as both my husband and myself are interested in attending.


    1. Dear Marianne,
      thanks ever so much for your enquiry! I have been telling folks about a workshop Chris and I attended, which really helped our relationship and we are now incorporating into Marriage Works with great results. We do hope to run workshops for couples in the future. The one I am referring to in September is called ” Getting the Love you Want” good name, huh?!Here is the link:
      Getting the Love you Want Workshop Dates Australia and New Zealand,
      Thanks ever so much and lovely to hear from you!
      All the best,

  14. I have been married for 20 years this year nut around 4 years ago my wife caught me using porn. We moved on from this but was brought up every time she had a drink.
    2 weeks age I made an explicit commented on a picture on Facebook of a girl in a nurses uniform i dont know the woman in picture. now she is thinking more into it and wants a divorce. I understand I have upset her by looking and commenting on another woman but hope this works as need her back.

  15. Dear Philipa,
    I am afraid this may be a long one….I have been married for 30 years. We have 4 grown children, two at home. My husband retired from a government job early, but now works as a contractor in another state while I am at home. The goal was to pay off some bills before he ‘really’ retires in about three years. He comes home monthly and I visit him monthly.
    We have always had a rocky marriage. I was a stay at home mom and feel he resented me for it. I feel he would have respected me more had I been a bringing home a paycheck.
    We have had many fights over money and he has usually refers to it as ‘his’ money.
    I have always been secure with myself and while I have shed many tears over his past words, in my core I was always pretty happy with myself inside.
    I have grown to be insecure during these past couple years that we have been living separately. And while I don’t believe he has ever cheated on me, I have noticed his overwhelming compulsion with social media and I am quite certain he is addicted to porn. He also talks to waitresses and other women in a way that if I were the other woman, I would think he was flirting. He says he is not and I know I sound paranoid.
    I am also afraid we could have a ‘Trump’ divorce as he is so hating Trump and anyone who is a fan. I have pleaded to him to stop talks no politics. I feel I have finally gotten through to him to stop in front of me. But as our time alone grows, I have grown into a stalker with him and I read his tweets and Facebook. He follows Wolfe , Kathy Griffin, Stormy Daniels and anyone who bashes Trump.
    When we married he was a Catholic like me, but now proudly declares himself to be an atheist.
    We are so very different and I find myself being needy but at the same time wondering if I really want to stay married or am just hanging on because he is drifting.
    In the past he was the one always going through my things.
    Last time I visited him he was very loving to me. But then when he came home, our first morning coffee. He yelled at me for the finances and said we cannot afford our house and wants to sell. We didn’t talk for the rest of the 5 days.
    I was feeling depressed and felt like reading a couple letters my children wrote me for Mother’s Day to make me feel betas they stated what a good mother I was , etc. After he left for the airport and I returned home, one of the letter’s was gone. I found it in a garbage bag in the dumpster.
    He is not so great with our finances and frankly in my head, I want to have the house as my life insurance on him. If we sell the house, he will most likely use up all the equity. I most definitely cannot say this to him.
    He makes a lot of money and there is no way we can’t afford the house. I have been paying all bills and groceries, etc with his pension. And he has been paying down some of the bills and his living on his contractor job. He also has a private bank account that he won’t put my name on and was furious that I didn’t trust him.


    1. Dear CH – I have changed your name to this, because many will identify with your story.

      Money and talk of finances is something that unsettles many in a marriage. It often means different things and of course we do need to have it in order to run our lives. Poverty sucks and limits choices.

      I had not heard of a “Trump” divorce but I don’t think the issues you are dealing with solely revolve around your political differences. I respect another’s right to their opinion even if I may disagree. One of my best friends is right wing through and through but I love her for her, not her politics. Your problems in your marriage sound longer term than Donald Trump’s Presidential tenure. So what if he follows those people he is allowed his mind and political freedom, just as you are entitled too. Both of us are luck enough to live in a democracy where we have access to social media and the internet fairly freely CH. Thankfully.

      I am thinking you guys would benefit from having someone to express what each of you need to say in more helpful ways. From your words you don’t trust your husband and want the house as life insurance on him that’s not an ideal place to be in for either of you. Those negative attitudes invade your relationship and interactions you have, not great.

      My guess is that both of you are feeling insecure. And reading between the lines here I think you both may be acting passively aggressive to each other. Rather than talking about your hurt fear and vulnerabilities with each other. I think you both need some help in creating a safe space to do this with some relationship coaching.Good luck.

  16. Hi, i have a few questions.
    1)From step 1 in The Last Resort Technique, the only thing I have and I’m working on stopping is talking to family, friends for help. Is that a make it or break it or can I still save my marriage?
    2)There are a few family celebrations coming up that I was told to come to by the grandfather. The rest of the family doesnt know. Is it bad if I decide to go. Wearing a gown and all as if everything is good?

    1. Hi Dena, thanks for writing in. I am a bit confused as to what you are asking there sorry. I will take a guess at what I think and you let me know if I got you.

      Yes you stop talking to family about the problems – the reason being is they are programmed to love care and protect you and it can lead to side taking.

      Family celebrations I imagine would continue. It sounds as if you had better do what grandfather wants out of respect. Go dress up, have fun and any questions be coy – it’s complicated. Good luck xx

  17. Greetings Kudzie and Priscilla here from Further Together. Further Together is a marriage mentorship ministry based in London UK. Off late we are having Facebook lives with guests from other organisations in an interview set up. Having known your work we thought of finding out if this could be something of interest to you? We normally do our Facebook live streams live. We would be happy to host you as our guest.

    We have two dates which are open in November if you schedule allows

    Hoping to hear from you

    Kudzie & Priscilla

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