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Books Recommended to Help You

I love reading. As a little girl, growing up in a small town in New Zealand, I discovered the written word.  If it had text on it, I read it. It has helped teach me to be me, to grow both personally and professionally. Today you can easily enjoy audio versions of books too, terrific for the home commute.

This page is dedicated to giving you my literary recommendations for health and healing. I would also love to hear yours, so please suggest any you have found helpful and I will pop them up for all to see.

I’d be ever so grateful if you wish to purchase any of these books here, all you need to is click on the link or book picture to go directly to Amazon. This is an affiliate link through which I make a small commission. If you buy via the link this helps us to offset the cost of running this website and helping you and others, so a huge thank you. Of course you don’t have to use the link, you can search for them and buy it without the affiliate link.

They are in no particular order. Enjoy, learn and heal!

Self-development

Healthy Parts Happy Self – 3 Steps to Like Yourself

Happy Parts, Happy Self. 3 Steps to Like Yourself. Gordon Emmerson PhD.
Happy Parts, Happy Self. 3 Steps to Like Yourself.
Gordon Emmerson PhD.

Do your emotions get in your way? Do they cause you to eat, buy, or react in a way you don’t want?
Are there times when there is a battle on the inside?
When our inner parts are at peace and when they all feel safe and supported we can be our true selves. There is no better gift to give ourselves and our friends.
Addictions are a reaction to unhappy parts and when these parts get what they need and deserve we can live the lives we want.
We can enjoy all aspects of life better when we have the best part out. Buy discounted book here .

In this indispensable handbook, Richard Carlson demonstrates how we can change everything in our lives – earn more money, meet new friends, get a new job – yet still feel dissatisfied. Happiness, he says, is not ‘out there’ but within, a state of mind that is independent of circumstance: ‘If you begin to see that your thoughts are not the real thing – they’re just thoughts and as thoughts they can’t hurt you – your entire life will begin to change today.’Carlson’s step-by-step guide explains:• How your thoughts determine how you feel.• Why thinking about problems only makes them worse.• That thoughts come and go – you are free to choose at any moment which to hold on to and which to let go.• Straightforward methods for conquering depression.• How to dismiss negative thoughts and discover inner contentment.• How to overcome lifelong pessimism and start really living. I really loved this when I first read it in 2003. It is easy, smart and really helpful. Any of Mr Carlson’s commonsense books are a lovely read, here are some more titles I recommend:

I have mentioned Byron Katie’s four questions on the LRT blog. Again very practical, simple and elegant advice.

Here is her terrific book Loving What is, Four Questions that will Change your Life.

And this next book,  which is one I have contributed to, is a wonderful enclave that will help you deal with some of life’s crises when things don’t go as you’d hoped. Super pleased to have helped. Planning Plan B is practically focused. It covers death of a spouse or family member, legal questions around separation and divorce. With kids and without. My piece is on mental health and staying in touch with life during the dark times. Dealing with disability or incapacity due to accident or illness. Dismissal from employment, travel disasters and how to cope. Distressed selling of a house. Dissolution of a business in dubious or unforeseen circumstances. In Kylie Parker’s book Planning Plan B : Prepare for 10 of Life’s Unexpected stressful events we have an amazing collection of personal and professional stories. This is a must have for the above situations as it offers you practical real world advice. The book features chapters from lawyers, accountants, business owners, journalists, psychologists and people like us who have had some tough things happen. A super book you will be referring others to.

Brene Brown has written many books on vulnerability and shame. All key issues to be your best self in personal development. I find the more I accept myself flaws and all the more I embrace and accept others. What a gift!

The Power of Vulnerability. Brene Brown.

Ah shame, self doubt and not feeling good enough are real barriers many of us have to overcome. Unconditional love is the answer!

Ah now that title turns things around for me!

And here I am including her parenting book:

We can all do with support of this topic, I am sure.

And here is a recommendation from a client, and Chris listens a lot to him Jordan B. Peterson  and his Antidote to Chaos – 12 Rules for Life. It comes highly recommended.

And if you need a summary –

And I like this title here of the Audiobook – Maps of Meaning The Architecture of Belief.

Relationship Advice

The work of John Gottman, PH.D is world renowned, with helpful couples advice and exercises.

From the country’s foremost relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work.

Dr John Gottman provides the tools you need to make your relationships thrive. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman:

– Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection”
– Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional connection
– Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids
– And more!

Packed with fascinating questionnaires and exercises developed in his therapy, The Relationship Cure offers a simple but profound program that will fundamentally transform the quality of all of the relationships in your life.

And here are some great books from my hero Michele Weiner Davis: The last resort technique is in the Divorce Remedy



 

I like Gary Chapman’s The 5  love languages. The Secret to Love that Lasts as a sweet way to reconsider our partnership needs.

My top pick from Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas is The Five Languages of Apology. How to Experience Healing in all your Relationships is  I love his book on the art of apology. We all make mistakes and it is how we recover from them which progresses partnerships to deeper passionate connection.

Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakelly have added amazing insights into a couples world.

They theorise we pick our partner for both their negative and positive traits that remind us of our childhood needs. We choose this partner as a way to grow into a mature love. The power struggle in a relationship is the hallmark you are at a tipping point to this mature love. They use an intentional dialogue process to help you reconnect to your passion and aliveness in your partnership. Chris and I have trained in the Imago Dialogue approach and use it personally and professionally.


Stan Tatkin has written an excellent book – Wired for Love which supports our yearning for love and connection. Love science, love this book –

Pre Marriage

Ok this one I haven’t read yet but will. It comes highly recommended on the web and I wanted you to have something to start with.

First Year of Marriage: The Newlyweds Guide to Building a Strong Foundation and Adjusting to Married Life by Marcus and Ashley Kusi

You will learn how to build a strong foundation for your marriage,

In addition, you will learn how to resolve conflicts and get your sex life off to a great start. There’s plenty to learn in this must-read first year of marriage book.

We authored this non-religious premarital counseling book to help newlyweds and engaged couples build a strong foundation for a fulfilling marriage.

This book also comes with a 12-Week Action Plan to help you practice everything from the book. It’s the perfect marriage book for newlyweds and engaged couples.

Parenting

Boy this is the most rewarding and challenging job in the world. Certainly there is no manual out there that covers it all but here are some starters for a strong foundation.

These authors Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper and Bert Powell are proponents of their wonderful program Circle of Security. Delivered here in Raising a Secure Child. You will have seen this in the internet resources section. For parents and their helpers alike this well researched and sound book will be a go to for many years. And I can’t resist here is another goody:

If you are like me you folks while they did the best really struggled with parenting. And when your little darling arrives it all comes home to roost. This is such a practical book for every stage of child development with actual scripts and real world practical advice, totally non-shaming. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. A must have for any caring parent.

Infidelity

After the Affair Healing the pain and Rebuilding trust when a partner has been unfaithful. Janis Abrahams Spring PH.D with Michael Spring.

Ruth Ostrow says ” Affairs happen. It’s no use turjing a blind eye. We urgently need books like this to help us deal with one of the most prevalent, yet least discussed social realities plaguing modern life.”

I have read this book and like it’s take on infidelity, I have quoted it here –Infidelity help post.

“We enter intimate relationships blindly, often effortlessly, step up with the passion and an idealized perception of our partner, often cocky about our ability to keep things hot. Most of us are totally unprepared for what lies ahead and ignorant of what’s required to last the course…The affair shocks us into reality. Fortunately, it also invites us to try again.” Excerpt from After the Affair.

Emotional Infidelity. How to AFFAIR-PROOF your Marriage and 10 other Secrets to a Great Relationship. M. Gary Neuman.

I love this book and all of Gary’s work, I use it in my couple therapy. It offers a safeguard to protect your marriage from external threats whether it be a colleague at work, or your in laws. A must read for all couples! Especially early in the relationship. If you follow this you will have a truly solid foundation of your relationship house.

And of course more from Michele:

Steven Stosny, PhD has a brilliant book for the hurt spouse here with Living & Loving after Betrayal. How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity and Chronic Resentment.

Domestic Violence/Family Safety

When Love Goes Wrong: What to do when you can’t do anything right. Ann Jones & Susan Schechter

From the book : Too many women find themselves in abusive relationships and don’t know what to do, or even what’s wrong. She may feel anxious, inadequate, intimidated and on eggshells, and find herself trying harder without success. The authors bring their experience with survivors to offer an eyeopening analysis of controlling partners and empowering information for women seeking change.

 

 

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing. Beverley Engel

 

I have several of Beverley Engel’s books, in my she is a legend. She speaks of the recipricocal cycle of abuse and asks us to recognise and change. Simply brilliant but confronting too.

Here’s the Amazon blurb which says it so well:

Engel doesn’t just describe-she shows us the way out.”
-Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship

“In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse.”
-Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse
and co-editor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse

“This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them.”
-Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook
and owner of BPD Central.com

The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world’s leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, How to Recognise it and Respond to it. Patricia Evans.

Patricia Evan’s gives wonderful and practical advice grounded in real world experience. I recommend any of her books.

Learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, how to recognize and deal with it safely, and most important, how to lead a happier, healthier life. Also, outside stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse, mitigate the effects on relationships, levels of abuse (insidious put-downs, tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threats that can escalate into physical abuse).

To stay or go? This dilemma is often a struggle. This book may help you decide.

This is for anyone who have been involved in an intense relationship that has affected their self esteem. Man or woman, just let any kind of too extreme stuff go, but Dina will help explain what happened and why you are so connected to someone who is not good for you in:

But he says he loves me will help you realise what happened in the relationship – highs the lows.

Separation and Divorce

Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way. M. Gary Neuman.

This is an epic volume, I happened across it in the good will store and am so glad I bought it for  a bargain $4. Packed full of children’s experiences, useful words and exercises this book does deliver. Every child’s age and stage is looked into and amazing advice offered. Pure gold!

This is another terrific book. And it’s from an Australian perspective. Yet it gives super practical parenting tips post separation.

Health and Exercise

So vital we take care of ourselves. Love to hear any you recommend.

Love the title for this! These guys are inspiring.And let’s not forget the boys:

 Diet Specific

Trauma and Recovery

Another brilliant book By Beverley Engel.

Kathy Steele’s books are easy to read for both client and mental health helpers.

For the Health Professional

Couple Therapy in Australia. Edited by Elisabeth Shaw and Jim Crawley. Click the underlined text for your link to buy this beauty.

Couple Therapy in Australia. Issues Emerging from Practice. Edited by Elisabeth Shaw and Jim Crawley.
Couple Therapy in Australia. Issues Emerging from Practice.
Edited by Elisabeth Shaw and Jim Crawley.

 

 

 

Couple Therapy in Australia: Issues Emerging from Practice

 

Harville Hendrix on Imago Couples Therapy.  A worthy read.

Robin Shapiro is both an amazing author and therapist she shares her treatment wisdom of EMDR, Somatic Therapy and Ego State Therapy

Generally Good Reads

Life is Good. George Dawson and Richard Glaubman,

George Dawson’s life is expressed beautifully by Richard Glaubman, and was an incredible and inspiring journey.

Read this book from the amazingly grounded and support medico who also has a life limiting condition and you will be gifting it to others. A pure joy to read and share. Delightful and down to earth. This book promises and delivers stories that heal. Warning some tears will be shed, often in joy and inspiration while reading.

And while you are at it get these two below. You’ll thank me.

Love to hear or read about your recommendations please add your comments below. Read some?  Then Tell us what you think.

Now this was an interesting read Chris gave me. This book helped free me of the fear death and gave me a vision for the after life. Kenneth Ring has interviewed many people on their near death experiences and he gives us their lessons from the light – illuminating! It was fascinating reading and practical too.

And this was given to me by a client and I am so thankful. I am enjoying it so much and want to share it with you, despite being only three chapters in. It will revolutionize your thinking and is artfully written.

You will enjoy this book and be challenged. What is so great is how Johann weaves his personal journey into the narrative. Totally awesome. Love to hear what you think. Drop a comment below.