Welcome back to the Marriage Works Monthly Challenge Series. This is really a call to action to encourage share your positive parts to the world. This is for you no matter what your relationship status.
This month as we start to unfurl from lockdown’s, COVID 19 restrictions I ask you to share your kindness.
For some of us, this will be anxiety-provoking, possibly overwhelm, for others of us it may be a relief.
Whatever your reaction is, know it is all within the normal range to an abnormal situation.
Our partners can have their unique reactions to this so please be mindful and generous to their experiences.
So please share kindness. 🤗
I am a kiwi at home in Sydney (New Zealander for those who don’t know the euphemism). Being from a small town Thames it’s natural to say Hi and smile at folks when we are out and about. This can be such a goodwill gesture and often rewarded in kind.
Start with small.
Sometimes we have the opportunity to do more. I have had a friend who unexpectedly ended up in hospital. She called and I was able to get her clothes, supplies, feed her cat Izzy and support her. She is out now of danger and things are improving thank goodness.
Here’s the YouTube Marriage Works Channel video on Sharing kindness 🚸 Hear how I responded when a lady got anxious and told me off at the mall.
Hello marriage workers, counselors, and couples therapists. We would like to invite you to join us with our special guest Professor Kobus van der Merwe.
Kobus will join us live from South Africa where he runs his group practice Imago Relationships. There he does couples intensives, group programs, and much more. He has recently moved all this online and will share his experiences.
Professor Kobus is part of the Imago Studies program at Daybreak University. He is an award-winning Imago Couples therapist and all round nice guy.
His relationship coaching style is remarkable and allows growth and safety for couples.
The masterminds in therapy series is for therapists who are interested in hearing from the great minds and hearts of experts in our field.
Given these times of isolation, a connection and effective communication are now more important than ever. In Imago theory this is a central tenet. Where we assist communication and re-pair work. As you will know it is heart warming.
Working online can be lonely. So come and join us for a friendly chat and lively exchange of thoughts and ideas.
Marriage Workers Gathering for Therapists Mastery Series
Professor Kobus van der Merwe Imago therapist
When: May 18, 2020 17:30 Canberra, Melbourne, Sydney
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.
Love to see you there in community spirit.
PS. this is Not part of AIRTA, who does an amazing job organizing the Imago Therapy Community Australian, with whom I am a member. This is a separate and distinct initiative from Marriage Works with an international vision for therapists to connect globally in community and support with the same kindness and care we give our clients.
Watch this space for other world renowned therapists.
Hi lovely relationship workers. It’s way into April and I have not been in touch, so sorry!
I do hope you and your loved ones are taking these unusual times with COVID 19 in your stride.
Here in Sydney at least the weather is beautiful and we can go for walks. I really miss going out to dinner, catching up with friends, the movies, and the beach.
In some ways the pace has slowed but in others the workload has increased for me – how about you guys?
There is no monthly challenge here from me at Marriage Works, as I believe these times are tough enough already.
All I hope is you offer your kind self both to yourself and others. Please reach out if you are on your lonesome.
Be gentle with each other, limit the analysis of stuck patterns for a while.
It’s super easy for stress and close proximity to make us tetchy. I know when I am tired I can be cranky, ask Chris!
The good thing though if I snap, he mostly won’t go there and vice versa. But it does happen.
We are a bit like the caged Tigers in Tiger King.
My daughter sent me an Instagram add on where your picture can have the Joe Exotic features – blonde mullet, handlebar moustache and camouflage clothing. Hilarious and no I am not putting that pic of me up!
Yep, Netflix and Prime have been things that keep the pressure low.
What’s your favourite shows or movies? Love your recommendations.
Yesterday at the park we were watching children scooting around on their trikes. I learnt my husband Chris did not have a bicycle as a child. He did have a skate board – home made with metal wheels! How beautiful to share.
So go well, be kind and keep your immune system strong. Use this time to get to know your partner again in a slowed down world.
Please share your positive experiences in the comments box belong or Netflix recommends! With love and light xox
Please Visit us https://MarriageWorks.com.au for Relationship Coaching, Saving Your Marriage From Divorce – The Last Resort Technique, Healing Your Heart for Partnership and loads more advice and information.
Chris, my spouse is my standard for love and kind treatment. He is my lauchpad for care and respect.
In my rooms I see couples, lone partners and singles all striving for love.
Many times there’s a struggle to find self worth, value and a belief in ourselves as deserving of a loving happy relationship.
Things go off into the ditch.
This is when our negative patterns show up in partnerships.
We use the idea of a maximiser – the one who demands and speaks up. They are like the hailstorm and pour down harder to be heard.
On the flip side is the minimiser. Their pattern is withdrawal. We call these guys the Turtle. They pull back into their shells protectively.
Whey I say this to couples they nod knowingly. They usually know whether they are a turtle or a hailstorm in their partnership.
I saw John Aiken pointing out this very dynamic on Married At First Sight. Boy what a hothouse for explosivity. Makes for TV ratings. I love that we are talking about relationships.
This dynamic becomes problematic when it goes off road in the ditch.
When harsh words are said against ones character, foul language and escalation happen.
We can quickly go to the danger zone.
While time outs are a useful tool and necessary tool. It’s vital we learn newer, safer, supportive ways of connecting and communicating.
That’s why I coach couples dialogue in my sessions. So your can find a part to help you get your needs met.
You get real world skills to apply in your relationship when the sparks fly.
If a partner comes alone, I always will extend an invitation to attend. Some come, some don’t. Sometimes it’s a new beginning or the next stage in their partnership.
One gentleman I saw for 10-12 sessions solo, by the end of our work they were happily engaged. Gorgeous pictures of roses, rings and romance. Ah love my work!
Occasionally my radar goes up where I hear contempt and threats. I gently query how the person feels on the end of this – this is the marker and what if any repair happens.
When there are excuses, blame and no accountability, I get concerned.
While I totally believe people can change. The proviso is they must want the change for themselves.
It’s usually then I point to a picture of us on our wedding day and say this is Chris. He would never say $%$^ to me. I have haven’t ever heard him use foul language apart from the rare stubbed toe expletive.
Chris wouldn’t ever say or treat me in that way. I trust him to support me and have my back. While we may not agree on everything, it’s all up for negotiation.
No he’s not an angel but he is good, kind and acts with restraint. Guess who’s the turtle here!
Respect is a cornerstone in a healthy relationship and it’s important we restore it quickly when it’s lost. No one’s perfect!
You are welcome to use Chris as a baseline too!
Ask yourself if there is a person or partnership you admire. Would they act that way, or say that ?
Perhaps we can require more of ourselves and our partners as we learn and grow together. Go gently and live fully. Yours in gratitude Philipa xox
I was watching Mel Robbins (Thank you Mel, you are awesome in your practical real world advice) and she asked, no she DARED the audience to send a text to someone they care about, family, their partner, friend, a significant person who’s important to you.
Here’s what she said to text – ” What can I do to to be a better partner or friend to you?”
I dare you to send that text right now.
See what comes back – love to hear what you get back please drop a comment in the box below.
Mel and myself ask to to show you that the person you choose to send it to is the safest person on the planet to get feedback on. How special is that!
Notice what comes up for you in doing this exercise. Is a part of you critical? Perhaps you hear a voice saying that’s silly. This is likely our fearful part coming on line.
It’s taking a risk and we resist risk taking.
So our relationships stay shallow. We feel disconnected.
Break out and take a risk. Safety is key in connections and we get there by being vulnerable, kind and respectful.
So please send the text and let us know your responses and how it feels both sending and receiving. Drop a line in the comments section below. Share with others. Thanks Philipa
Hi beautiful Marriage Workers and by that I mean all of us in committed partnerships. Welcome to the second month of the year.
As we are starting to get back into the day to day runnings, I wondered if we might just keep a hold of the holiday spirit and keep the fun running. It’s good to keep the fun running!
We crave novelty as a species and no more so than in relationships, that’s where affairs can happen. So what can you do to prevent doldrums?
Mix it up, break out of patterns by exploring your surrounds, learning something new or giving free reign to that desire you’ve held inside. Maybe you sky dive, perhaps you guys take a surf lesson. I did see an archery course on Groupon at Bondi, I think look like a fun time.
February Fun Challenge get out of your relationship rut by mixing up your routine. Captivate your mate by making a suggestion to do something out of your usual rounds. It can be as easy as a drive, a walk in a new park or beach. Or be a tourist in your city or town. We loved the Sydney aquarium. Love to hear your adventures please drop us a comment and share :))