Last September brought a moment that truly stopped me in my tracks.
Opening the official confirmation from the Imago International Training Institute felt like such a full circle moment. Wow!
Holding that certificate signed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt was not just a professional tick in a box.
It was a deep affirmation of the work Chris and I pour into helping couples rebuild, reconnect, and rediscover each other.
Becoming a Certified Imago Workshop Presenter has been one of the most rewarding and challenging steps in my career.
Countless hours of preparation, meetings, workshops, performance feedback, travel to NZ and zoom calls. Phew it took me nearly two years and $20k. Not a small investment – but totally worth every penny.
The real magic isn’t the piece of paper.
It is what happens inside the room when couples sit down together and finally learn how to truly listen.
I know this as this was Chris and my introduction to Imago eight years ago. Truly I didn’t think a weekend would work. Boy was I surprised by Satruday night we were more connected and playful (smiley face here) than we’d been in months. Sure turned me on to Imago.
What Actually Happens at Getting the Love You Want?
If you have ever felt like you and your partner are speaking two completely different languages, you are not alone. Most couples do not struggle because they lack love. They struggle because they lack a clear translation tool. It’s not group therapy – you only work with your partner. You get your own personal manual each to take home.
During our weekend intensive, we peel back the noise and focus on practical, transformational relational tools:
The Imago Dialogue: Moving past the urge to defend or debate, and stepping into a structured conversation where both of you feel heard and validated.
Understanding Unconscious Triggers: Unpacking why certain small moments spark big reactions, and how to heal those wounds together rather than picking at them.
Restoring Joy and Intimacy: Shifting your relationship dynamic from constant compromise back to genuine safety, warmth, and fun.
Join Us This Weekend in Sydney
We are running our Getting the Love You Want couples workshop again this coming weekend at the Crows Nest Community Centre.
Whether you are looking to repair a fragile patch or simply want to take a good relationship to a much deeper level, we would love to guide you through it.
Event: Getting the Love You Want Imago Couples Workshop
Facilitators: Philipa Thornton(Certified Imago Presenter) and husband consultant psychologist Chris Paulin
For many couples, intimacy doesn’t disappear overnight.
It fades quietly.
You still care about each other. You still function well as a team. Life keeps moving – work, family, commitments – and from the outside everything looks fine.
But something subtle has changed.
Conversations stay practical. Touch becomes brief or absent. You miss the ease you once had, the friendship, the sense of being emotionally close. You may not argue much, but you don’t feel particularly connected either.
In long-term relationships, this experience is far more common than people realise. And it often leaves couples wondering: Is this just what happens over time?
The answer is no. But what helps is not always what people expect.
Why intimacy fades even when love remains
In our work with couples, we often see that intimacy doesn’t fade because partners stop loving each other. It fades because emotional safety becomes thinner over time.
Small moments of disconnection add up. Missed bids for attention. Conversations that feel tense or go nowhere. Old hurts that never quite get repaired. Each experience subtly teaches the nervous system whether it’s safe to open up or better to stay guarded.
Most couples don’t consciously decide to pull away. They adapt.
They become efficient. Polite. Careful. And gradually, the relationship shifts from emotionally alive to emotionally managed.
Trying harder or “communicating better” rarely solves this, because intimacy isn’t created by effort alone. It’s created when both partners feel safe enough to be real with each other again.
Why talking about the problem often isn’t the solution
Many couples try to fix fading intimacy by talking about it more.
Ironically, this can make things worse.
When conversations feel charged, one partner may push for closeness while the other pulls back. One feels unheard. The other feels criticised. Both leave the interaction feeling less safe than before.
This isn’t a lack of goodwill. It’s a lack of structure.
Without a container that slows things down and reduces reactivity, even well-intentioned conversations can reinforce distance rather than heal it.
What actually helps when intimacy fades
What helps most is not insight alone, but experience.
Couples need opportunities to experience each other differently – to listen and be listened to in ways that feel safe, contained, and meaningful. When the nervous system settles, intimacy often follows naturally.
This is the foundation of the Getting the Love You Want workshop. This couple’s intensive weekend retreat has helped thousands of couples reconnect, re-experience joy and renew desire.
Rather than analysing the relationship or focusing on what’s gone wrong, the workshop provides a structured, private environment where couples can reconnect through guided experiences.
It’s not group therapy. It’s not about sharing personal stories publicly.
Couples spend most of the time working one-to-one with each other, supported by a clear relational process that helps conversations slow down and feel safer.
What couples often notice during the workshop
Many couples are surprised by what shifts.
They notice how quickly defensiveness drops when conversations are structured. They begin to hear their partner in a new way – not just the words, but the meaning underneath.
For couples who have lost a sense of friendship, this can be deeply relieving. Instead of feeling like they’re negotiating or defending positions, they experience moments of genuine understanding.
These moments matter. Intimacy is rebuilt not through grand gestures, but through repeated experiences of feeling emotionally met.
Why this approach works for long-term couples
Long-term relationships carry history. Patterns. Memory.
The Getting the Love You Want workshop is based on an internationally recognised relationship model that understands this reality. Rather than blaming individuals or labelling relationships as “unhealthy,” it focuses on how connection is created, lost, and restored over time.
This approach has been used by couples around the world because it respects both partners and prioritises safety. When people feel safe, closeness becomes possible again.
“We’re not in crisis – is this still relevant?”
This is one of the most common questions couples ask.
The truth is that many of the couples who benefit most are not in crisis at all. They are still committed. They still care. They simply don’t want emotional distance to become the norm.
Intervening at this stage is often far more effective than waiting until resentment or withdrawal has taken hold.
Choosing to invest in connection early is not an admission of failure. It’s an act of care for you, your relationship and your loved ones.
A different kind of choice
When intimacy fades, couples often tell themselves they’ll deal with it later, when things slow down, when life is less busy, when it becomes unavoidable.
But closeness rarely returns on its own.
The Getting the Love You Want workshop offers couples a chance to pause, step out of daily patterns, and reconnect in a way that is structured, respectful, and deeply human.
Not because something is broken. But because what matters deserves attention.
Sometimes what actually helps is not waiting, not pushing harder, and not drifting further apart, but deliberately choosing to turn back towards each other.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this workshop only for couples in crisis?
No. Many couples attend because they still care deeply about each other but feel less connected than they used to. The workshop is especially helpful when intimacy and friendship have faded, even if there’s no major conflict.
Is the Getting the Love You Want workshop group therapy?
No. This is not group therapy. While the workshop is held with other couples present, most of the work is done privately, one-to-one with your partner. Sharing with the group is always optional.
What if we’re not good at talking about feelings?
That’s very common. The workshop provides a clear structure that helps conversations feel safer and less overwhelming. You don’t need to be articulate or emotionally skilled to benefit.
Do we need to prepare or read anything beforehand?
No preparation is required. You simply come as you are. The workshop is designed to meet couples where they’re at, without homework or prior reading.
How is this different from couples counselling?
Rather than ongoing sessions, the workshop offers a focused, immersive experience over two days. Many couples find this helps them shift patterns more quickly and gives them tools they can continue using afterwards.
What if one of us is unsure about attending?
That hesitation is very common. You don’t need to be certain or have a shared goal beyond wanting things to feel better. Curiosity and willingness are enough.
No affairs. No dramatic blow-ups. No talk of separation.
From the outside, they look like a solid couple. They work, parent, manage life, and get through the week. There’s care, loyalty, and shared history.
Yet somewhere along the way, the aliveness between them has faded.
Evenings are quieter than they used to be. Conversations stay practical. Touch is brief. Intimacy feels awkward or effortful.
When they try to talk about it, the conversation goes in circles, or one of them shuts down.
Eventually, one of them says it out loud:
“We love each other, but something is missing.”
This is a composite couple, drawn from the many couples who come to this work. And if this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Why talking harder hasn’t worked
Most couples in this place have already tried.
They’ve had “the talk”. They’ve promised to try harder. They’ve read articles or listened to podcasts.
And yet, nothing really shifts.
That’s because disconnection isn’t usually a communication problem. It’s a relational safety problem.
Over time, small hurts accumulate. Moments of feeling unseen or misunderstood don’t quite get repaired. Each partner adapts in quiet ways – withdrawing a little, pleasing a little more, avoiding certain topics, protecting themselves from disappointment.
No one is doing anything wrong. They’re doing what humans do when closeness starts to feel risky.
Love is still there. But safety has thinned.
The insight behind the Getting the Love You Want Imago approach
The Getting the Love You Want workshop is grounded in Imago Relationship Therapy, a relationship model developed over four decades ago.
Imago began with a deceptively simple question: Why do loving relationships so often get stuck in the same painful patterns?
The answer was both relieving and confronting.
According to Imago, we are unconsciously drawn to partners who reflect not only the best of what we knew growing up, but also the unresolved emotional wounds. Not because we enjoy pain, but because our nervous system is seeking growth, repair, and completion.
This explains something many couples quietly struggle with:
Why the person you love most can also trigger you most. Why the same arguments repeat, even with good intentions. Why trying harder doesn’t necessarily create closeness.
Rather than seeing conflict as failure, Imago reframes it as a signal – an invitation to slow down, listen differently, and rebuild connection with intention.
From a therapy model to a global relationship movement
What began in therapy rooms quickly grew into a global approach to relationship repair and growth.
Imago Relationship Therapy is now practised in nearly 50 countries, with thousands of trained professionals supporting couples worldwide. The book Getting the Love You Want became an international bestseller because it offered something many couples had never experienced before:
A way to understand why they were stuck A structure for difficult conversations And a path back to connection without blame
Today, the Getting the Love You Want workshop is one of the most widely attended relationship workshops in the world, offered across the US, UK, Europe, and Australia.
Not because it promises perfection – but because it creates safety.
Why the workshop format works so well
Many couples arrive having already tried counselling or “talking it through” on their own.
What’s different about this workshop is the container.
It’s not group therapy. It’s not about sharing your story publicly.
It’s a private, structured, two-day experience where you work primarily one-to-one with your partner, guided through a clear process that helps you:
Slow conversations down so they don’t escalate
Feel heard without defensiveness
Speak without blame or shutdown
Understand what’s happening beneath the surface
Rebuild safety, step by step
Most of the work happens between the two of you. Sharing with the group is always optional.
Couples often say the workshop creates a different kind of shift because you’re not dipping in and out of the work. You’re immersed. Supported. Contained.
Instead of analysing your relationship, you experience being listened to differently.
And that experience is what creates change.
“We’re not in crisis – is this still for us?”
One of the biggest myths about relationship support is that you need to be at breaking point.
In reality, many couples attend the Getting the Love You Want workshop at exactly the point where things are still intact, but connection is thinning.
They’re committed. They care. They just don’t feel met anymore.
This is often the most powerful moment to intervene.
Because rebuilding connection is far easier than repairing damage done by years of emotional distance, resentment, or quiet loneliness.
An invitation to choose each other again
If you recognised yourself in this story – loving each other, functioning well, but sensing that something essential is missing – this is your gentle nudge.
The Getting the Love You Want relationship workshop is running 7–8 March in Crows Nest, Sydney.
It’s private. It’s structured. And it’s designed for couples who want to reconnect before disconnection becomes the norm.
You don’t need to be in crisis. You just need to be willing to slow down and choose each other again.
When Chris and I first attended a Getting the Love You Want workshop, we weren’t there as psychologists or presenters. We were there as a couple.
Two life partners who wanted to strengthen our relationship, communicate better, and stop going around in the same familiar loops.
That first weekend changed everything.
We sat side by side, learning how to slow down, really listen, and understand each other in new ways.
For Chris, who holds a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology and brings over 40 years of experience to his work, it was refreshing to sit in the chairs simply as a partner. For me, it was deeply moving to feel our connection shift in real time.
Chris, true to form, though nervous, was also cheering me on with his quiet humour, keeping time, offering snacks, and grounding the moment when things felt intense. That experience didn’t just support our relationship. It inspired us both.
Thats why we want to invite you to our next Getting the Love You Want Couples Workshop – we know we did!
By Philipa Thornton, Relationship Psychologist & Imago Couples Therapist President, Resource Therapy International
If I could hand every couple I see one book to read before the wheels fall off, This Is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray would be high on the list.
Not because it is full of fluffy romantic advice. Not because it gives you a 5-step formula to “fix” your partner. But because it gets painfully real, surprisingly funny, and devastatingly accurate about what actually erodes love.
And spoiler alert – it is not the big betrayals or dramatic moments. It is the empty glass left on the bench after you have asked – again – for it to be put in the dishwasher.
📖 Featured Book: This Is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray
The Glass Isn’t The Problem – It’s What It Symbolises
Fray knows this because he lived it. A man who lost his marriage not in one catastrophic moment, but through hundreds of tiny, seemingly insignificant moments of “not getting it.” He thought he was a good husband. He was a good guy. But good intentions do not equal good impact.
The book opens with the story of the glass, how his wife asks him to put his used glass in the dishwasher. He doesn’t. She stops asking. And if you’ve ever had a partner, this hits you square in the chest. We all have our ‘glass’.
You can see both sides: the person who thinks “it’s just a glass, what’s the big deal?” and the partner who feels dismissed, disrespected, and unseen – again.
Fray writes with wit and self-deprecating charm, and beneath the humour lies something deeper: a call to wake up to how our everyday behaviours either build trust or slowly dismantle it. There’s hope here.
We Haven’t Been Taught How To Relationship
One of the most refreshing aspects of this book is that Fray doesn’t shame anyone. Instead, he shows us that most of us simply haven’t been taught the skills we need to do relationships well. This fits in with Imago Relationship Coaching beautifully –
We assume love is enough
We assume good intentions matter most
We assume that if something doesn’t make sense to us, it shouldn’t really matter
That – Fray argues – is where so many of us go wrong.
It is this lack of empathy in action that leads to resentment, disconnection, and heartbreak.
What I Love, And What I Recommend
As a couples therapist, I see this dynamic play out in session after session. It is rarely “infidelity”, “money”, or “sex” that is the true issue, though they may be symptoms.
The underlying cause is often this exact pattern Fray describes:
One partner raises a concern (e.g. the glass)
The other minimises it (“It’s not a big deal”)
The first feels dismissed, not heard
The cycle repeats
Resentment builds
Intimacy fades
And finally, someone says, “I just can’t do this anymore”
Fray writes in a way that is particularly accessible, especially for men and anyone who struggles to see how their good intentions can still cause harm. His voice reminds me of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson, and the relationship wisdom of The 5 Love Languages.
I especially offer this book to the men I coach who want to understand the nuances – what went wrong, and how to get it right moving forward. It invites insight and ownership, and it does so without shame or blame. It opens up reflection in a way that is honest and transformative.
You will laugh, and you will cringe. You might want to throw the book across the room (especially if your partner is reading it and starts underlining passages). But more than that, you will see yourself, and that is what makes this book so powerful.
Final Thoughts, And A Gentle Invitation
What Fray learned the hard way is something many of us need to learn, ideally before we lose what matters most. It is not just about putting the glass in the dishwasher. It is about showing that your partner’s feelings matter. That their needs matter. That they matter.
And yes, we can learn that.
Whether through books like this, or guided support such as our Imago workshops, therapy, or intensives, healing is possible – and deeply rewarding.
Because maybe – just maybe – this is how your marriage begins again.
You’ve introduced great tools. You’ve taught active listening, mirroring, and validating. You’ve helped them identify their cycles.
And yet… something still feels stuck.
One partner keeps shutting down. The other grows more reactive.
You’re managing emotional flare-ups, dissociation, blank stares – and despite your best efforts, it feels like you’re not getting to the root of the issue.
Sound familiar?
You are not alone.
Whether you are a seasoned couples therapist or new to relational work, these challenges are increasingly common. We know this from the ACES studies and neuroscience advances – trauma is everywhere. And they are often not a sign of clinical inadequacy, but of something deeper: unmet trauma showing up in the room.
That is why trauma-informed couples therapy is not just a buzzword – it is becoming an essential skillset for every therapist who works with relationships.
When Talk Therapy Is Not Enough
The traditional communication-based models – like Imago, EFT, Gottman, or PACT – are powerful. But when a client’s nervous system is overwhelmed by unresolved trauma, insight alone often does not land.
That is when you see:
Looping arguments that never resolve
One partner freezing or becoming flooded
Outbursts that seem out of proportion to the topic
Sessions where you leave drained or uncertain
This is where trauma-informed, body-aware approaches can create real shifts.
As trauma specialist and senior Imago therapist Maureen McEvoy says:
“When we integrate nervous system awareness and parts work into our couples sessions, we meet people where they are – not just where we want them to be.”
Why This Workshop Is A Must-Attend
We are thrilled to welcome Maureen McEvoy (Canada) to Sydney this November for a rare two-day workshop designed specifically for couples therapists:
🧠 Healing Trauma, Restoring Connection 🗓️ 8–9 November 2025 | 📍 Crow’s Nest Community Centre, Sydney 🌐 Book now to avoid disappointment
This is Maureen’s only Australian appearance in 2025, and it is a chance to learn directly from one of the field’s most integrative, compassionate, and experienced trainers.
Whether you are Imago-trained, PACT-oriented, EFT-inspired, or creatively curious, this training will enrich your practice.
Trauma healing. How Your Couples May Be Getting Stuck – And What You Can Do About It
What You Will Learn
In two experiential, practice-rich days, you will explore how to:
Work safely with trauma activation in the couple space
Identify trauma responses like freeze, fight, and dissociation in session
Use somatic and parts-based techniques to reach stuck clients
Integrate co-regulation tools and nervous system language into your framework
Support both partners while staying grounded and present yourself
Combine Imago, EFT, PACT, and other approaches through a trauma-informed lens
This workshop is not just about information – it is about transformation.
You will walk away with practical skills, renewed confidence, and a fresh sense of what is possible in your couples’ work.
Who It’s For
💪 You’re a couple’s therapist who has hit roadblocks in sessions 💪 You want to integrate body-based and trauma-informed tools into your relational work 💪 You feel a calling to deepen your presence and precision with complex couples 💪 You crave a training that is warm, experiential, and deeply practical
This training is open to therapists of all models and modalities. And if you are newer to couples work? It is the perfect foundation to build your confidence from the ground up.
Bonus Benefits
🟡 A beautiful Sydney weekend Enjoy time with colleagues, connect with the Imago and wider therapy community, and take a tax-deductible CPD trip to a fabulous city.
🟡 Connection & Collegiality Maureen’s teaching style is warm, inclusive, and collaborative. You will learn in a space where your experience is valued, and your questions are welcomed.
🟡 Practical Tools You Can Use Right Away You will leave with worksheets, practices, and somatic tools ready to bring into your next session.
Final Places – Register Now
🎟️ Early bird price: $995 (ends 31 August)
This event is hosted by Philipa Thornton and Chris Paulin, wife and husband co-directors of the Australian Resource Therapy Institute. We are proud to bring this rare opportunity to the local community, and we look forward to welcoming you.
Hello lovely relationship workers! My Imago friends, and teachers in New Zealand Brenda Rawlings and Peter Macmillan are offering a special treat.
Online 2 hours post Getting the Love You Want Post Workshop Support for Couples.
It’s perfect timing for us Aussies at 5-7 pm, monthly next on August 31st.
Getting the Love You Want Online Couples Support – Monday 27 July A monthly online Seminar ***for couples who have attended a ‘Getting the Love You Want’ Couples Workshop****
About Online Couples Support The aim of these sessions is to provide support to couples, following your attendance at a ‘Getting the Love You Want’ Couples Workshop.
The sessions will be via Zoom and will be presented by Brenda Rawlings and Peter McMillan (jointly or individually).
They are held on the last Monday of the month, from February to November. You can register for one, some, or all of the sessions. The next one is on Monday 31, 7 pm – 9pm (New Zealand time).
Each session may include a lecture, a demonstration, and exercises to work on with your partner. There will also be an opportunity to ask questions.
What Will Be Covered?
Imago dialogue
Parent child dialogue
Behaviour Change Request
Relational cycles
Zero negativity
How to listen deeply
How to speak safely
Using appreciation and gratitude to build safety and connection
You will be guided in using the tools and principles outlined at the Couples Workshop, and to further explore and integrate these into your lives.
Hello Marriage workers and Relationship heroes. As we move into a new era, it’s time to freshen things up. So glad there is an easing of COVID 19 restrictions.
I am super excited to announce friends of mine Julie and Will are offering the amazing Getting the Love You Want Couples weekend workshop.
This is such a special seminar – designed for all couples who want to reset old patterns, and have a fresh start.
Interestingly, Imago couple therapy practitioners who want full certification also need to attend in their partnerships. It’s certainly helped me being on both sides of the metaphorical couch.
I am glad Chris and I had the opportunity. It totally brought new compassion, insight, and connection to our relationship. I
Even in this lock down, correct me if I am wrong but I think our most valuable asset is time.
This is exactly why investing in a weekend for your partnership is so productive to healing and hope.
Plus Newcastle is a cute place to visit.
Here is the details:
VENUE Conference Room, D.A. Centre 2 Percy Street, Hamilton
DATES:
13th/14th June 2020 Saturday and Sunday 9am to 6pm
Here is the Australian Institute of Imago Relationship Therapists link to register for this course. Early bird special still applies so don’t miss out.
I have just spent the last 3 days with my husband Chris attending a Character growth Imago workshop. This was with Advanced Imago Therapist Brenda Rawlings of The Imago Institute of New Zealand See here https://www.relationships.co.nz/about-us/
Now we are in luck Sydney folk!
The Couples Retreat – a 2 day weekend is here! Brenda and husband Peter are offering the Getting the Love You Want Couples workshop. Up the road in lovely Crows Nest.
We can definitely recommend this workshop. Indeed it saved us from the brink. Please do yourself a favour and get the love you want. Your partnership is worth putting in a 2 days effort !
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Getting the Love You Want in August 2026
Hi there, just a quick note that we are running this renowned Imago Couples Workshop in Sydney, Australia.
