Exploring Sex, Love & Goop – Imago Lens: Increasing Intimacy

As couples navigate the ebb and flow of relationships, sexual intimacy often becomes an area of disconnection and frustration. For many, this is less about physical compatibility and more about the emotional and psychological barriers that prevent deeper connection. As we know in Imago the romantic love stage of relationship inevitable draws to a close and we enter the power struggle.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Netflix series, Sex, Love & Goop, provides a refreshing approach to addressing these issues, making it a valuable resource for couples seeking to revitalize their sex lives.

From an Imago Therapy perspective, this series resonates deeply because it’s not just about sex—it’s about emotional healing, understanding, and connecting with your partner at a more profound level. Let’s explore how Sex, Love & Goop aligns with the principles of Imago Therapy and why it’s worth watching if you’re looking to enhance intimacy in your relationship.

Understanding Sexual Intimacy as a Path to Healing

Imago Therapy teaches us that relationships are a place for healing childhood hurts and unmet needs. Often, conflicts in a relationship—particularly around sex—are not really about the present moment but are rooted in deeper, unconscious wounds from the past. Sex, Love & Goop echoes this by showing how unresolved emotions and unspoken needs can affect sexual intimacy.

In the series, couples work through their emotional barriers, learning how past experiences influence their present-day sexual relationships. This mirrors Imago’s core belief that by understanding your partner’s wounds—and how your behaviour might trigger them—you can create a more empathetic, healing space. The series encourages couples to view intimacy as a journey of mutual healing, where vulnerability and communication are key.

The Power of Dialogue in Building Connection

One of the pillars of Imago Therapy is the Imago Dialogue, a structured conversation that helps couples communicate in a way that fosters understanding, validation, and empathy. Sex, Love & Goop highlights the importance of open communication around sexual desires and emotional needs, which is essential for creating a satisfying sexual connection.

The couples in the series are guided through discussions that go beyond the surface, encouraging them to share their deepest fears, desires, and insecurities. This process of sharing and truly hearing each other is at the heart of Imago work. Couples who watch the show will likely feel inspired to start their own dialogues about intimacy, which can bring them closer emotionally and physically.

Reconnecting Through Safety and Vulnerability

Imago Therapy emphasizes the importance of creating safety in relationships, particularly when it comes to vulnerability. In Sex, Love & Goop, couples explore how fear, shame, or past trauma might be preventing them from experiencing deeper intimacy. The series teaches that sexual satisfaction is closely linked to emotional safety—when partners feel safe with each other, they can be more vulnerable, and that vulnerability leads to greater intimacy.

This mirrors the Imago belief that healing comes from being vulnerable with your partner and knowing they will respond with empathy and love. The show encourages couples to see their relationship as a safe space for exploration, both sexually and emotionally. This is a powerful lesson for any couple, as it reinforces that intimacy is not just about physical pleasure—it’s about emotional closeness.

Exercises to Strengthen the Connection

One of the most practical aspects of Sex, Love & Goop is the inclusion of exercises that couples can try at home. These exercises, like guided touch and body mapping, are designed to foster connection, communication, and trust. From an Imago perspective, these exercises can be seen as tools for creating attunement between partners.

In Imago, we focus on helping couples become more attuned to each other’s emotional and physical needs. The series offers couples the opportunity to practice this attunement through exercises that deepen their understanding of each other’s bodies and boundaries. Whether you’ve been together for years or are just starting out, these practices encourage a mindset of curiosity and mutual discovery, which is essential for long-term sexual satisfaction.

Take the Step Toward Greater Intimacy

If you and your partner are struggling with intimacy or looking for ways to deepen your connection, Sex, Love & Goop offers a compassionate and enlightening look at what it takes to build a satisfying sex life. From an Imago Therapy perspective, this series provides valuable insights into how unresolved emotional wounds and poor communication can impact sexual intimacy—and how healing these wounds can bring you closer.

For those ready to take their intimacy journey even further, my friend Sophie Slade, an Imago Master therapist, is offering a transformative live workshop in Sydney Nov 2024. Sophie, along with her partner, runs this workshop and openly shares their own story of rediscovering their sexual selves as a mature, loving couple. Through their journey, they have found a new, exciting way to connect both emotionally and physically, and they invite other couples to do the same.

This workshop is perfect for couples who are ready to break through barriers to intimacy, reignite their passion, and deepen their emotional connection.

You’ll learn how to create the safety and vulnerability necessary for authentic sexual expression, guided by two people who have walked this path themselves. Sophie’s warmth, wisdom, and expertise make this an unmissable opportunity for any couple looking to take their relationship to the next level.

Don’t miss this chance to experience the profound changes that come with reconnecting to your partner—and yourselves—in a way you may never have thought possible.

Secure your spot now, and let Sophie and her partner guide you toward a more passionate, fulfilling, and intimate relationship.

Click the link here for Increasing Intimacy Weekend Program with Sophie and David. Please say Hi!

Dealing with Infidelity: Healing – Whats Helpful, or Harmful.

Infidelity is a topic that often evokes strong emotions and raises many questions about trust, loyalty, and love in relationships. Being interviewed recently by Sydney Morning Herald journalist Frances Howe about a high-profile case—David Grohl’s affair—brought these issues into sharp focus. While celebrity affairs capture headlines, infidelity is something many couples, whether in the spotlight or not, might face.

So, what do you do when you’re faced with betrayal in your relationship? How do you heal and move forward? Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship, but it does require careful navigation, open communication, and an understanding of why it happened.

The Emotional Toll

The first thing to acknowledge is the emotional devastation that comes with discovering an affair. Infidelity shakes the foundation of trust, often leading to feelings of betrayal, anger, confusion, and sadness. For the betrayed partner, it can feel like their world has turned upside down, making it difficult to imagine ever trusting their partner again.

The unfaithful partner may also experience a range of emotions, including guilt, shame, and regret. Both partners are likely to feel uncertain about the future of the relationship.

Why Infidelity Happens

Understanding why infidelity occurs can be complex. While every situation is unique, common reasons for cheating include unmet emotional needs, a lack of intimacy, or personal dissatisfaction in the relationship. Sometimes, external stressors like work pressures, midlife crises, or a desire for novelty can play a role.

It’s important to recognize that infidelity is often a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship. When couples seek to rebuild after an affair, uncovering these underlying factors can be key to moving forward. However, infidelity is not always about dissatisfaction with the relationship itself—it can also be about individual struggles or emotional conflicts within the person who cheated.

Steps to Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust after an affair is challenging, but not impossible. For couples willing to do the work, it’s essential to have honest conversations and seek professional help if needed. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore emotions, understand what went wrong, and develop strategies for healing.

  1. Open Communication: Both partners must be willing to engage in open, non-judgmental conversations about what happened. Avoiding blame and focusing on understanding each other’s feelings is key.
  2. Commitment to Healing: The unfaithful partner must be willing to take responsibility for their actions and demonstrate a commitment to earning back trust. This often includes complete transparency going forward.
  3. Forgiveness and Understanding: Healing requires forgiveness from the betrayed partner, though this takes time. It’s important to process the hurt before offering forgiveness.

Moving Forward

The decision to stay or leave a relationship after infidelity is deeply personal. For some, the affair signals the end, while for others, it opens the door to rebuilding a stronger, more honest connection. Either way, healing takes time and a commitment to personal growth.

Infidelity, while painful, doesn’t have to define your relationship’s future. With open communication, professional support, and a willingness to explore deeper issues, many couples find a path to healing—sometimes emerging stronger than before.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, seeking professional help can make all the difference. Working with a qualified therapist can provide the tools and emotional support needed to navigate this challenging experience. Don’t go through it alone—call us today and take the first step toward healing and recovery.

Woman wonder mother- Dame Valerie Adams -Sports legend

Oh, I was so inspired by Dame Valerie’s story and I am sure you will be too. Watching her life portrayed on the screen “More than Gold.” It really was.

I was in tears of connection at least four times. Poignant, powerful, and awesome. Her mother would be proud. Many of us who watch will resonate with her journey – loss, divorce, despair, devotion, mother guilt, birth, and trauma. Winning and losing. Performance pressure.

So let your heart be touched in this beautiful moving tale of 5 Olympic games and see a world-class athlete battle and become her personal best.

Dame Valerie Adams – loving mother, wife, friend and shotput legend of Aotearoa NZ.

INFIDELITY DILEMMAS

A television producer called me today to seek my expertise in affairs. Helping couples through their pain, overwhelm and betrayal.

There are may questions we have and these need to be addressed. I have a little video on Youtube

Love to hear what your ideas are. Perhaps you have been through the trenches with your spouse and come out the other side. You can be a beacon of hope. Please feel free to add your thoughts below in the comment box. Thanks Philipa

After the Affair Article in MINDFOOD July/ August Issue 2018

Hello there lovely readers of Marriage Works.

Chris and I went to the news agents on Saturday as he wanted to buy a magazine for the soccer World cup. While in there he handed me the latest Mindfood magazine pointing out a psychology article “After the Affair – is it possible to restore trust.” I said oh good and opened it to page 50 in Health:Relationships.

My surprise reading Philipa Thornton as published in MINDFOOD McHugh Media's Magazine
Surprise!

Imagine my surprise when I read “Philipa Thornton’s strategies for making it work after an affair”! I had totally forgotten journalist Emily Joyce’s interview back in April.

I was pretty chuffed and had a good chuckle. It is a great article ( even if I do say so!) on affair recovery which is totally possible, I encourage you to check it out. Plus you get to see the gorgeous Rachel Weisz’s beautiful image and hear her story of a new chapter. See her interview with Graham Norton here on being married to Daniel Craig

The story is called Circle of Trust and is out now.

mindfood psychology after the affair contributions by philipa thornton psychologist

Current Issue of Mindfood Magazine here

Find a Flatmate or Your Soulmate in the Suburbs…

I recently was called by the lovely Elizabeth Tilley of the Courier Mail a division of News. com.au . Where I was the featured relationship expert in her great article:

Looking for a flatmate or a soulmate? You might just find both in one of these suburbs.

Relationship psychologist Philipa Thornton said a romance born from a flatmate friendship could lead to a successful life partnership.

“It is a fabulous basis because domestically you’re going to have an idea of what they are like pretty quickly,” she said.

“Proximity makes the heart grow fonder and that can be a really lovely foundation for a relationship to form from a friendship base.”

Relationship psychologist Philipa Thornton.

Relationship psychologist Philipa Thornton.Source:News Limited

Ms Thornton said with a more traditional dating relationship someone’s true colours could remain hidden for quite some time, but a flatmate romance fast-tracked what was normally a slower process.

“The honeymoon phase could be over quicker when you’re living with someone 24/7,” she said.

It can be a great foundation for lasting love.

Originally published as When flatmates become soulmates

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