Parent adult child relationship workshop

A psychologist shares how its the small moments that make or break a relationship - couple with backs turned away looking at their phones

The fate of a relationship is usually decided in passing moments. Not in anniversaries, declarations, or dramatic turning points, but in everyday exchanges of attention, tone, and care.

What years of clinical work reveal

When couples sit down with me, they often search for the event that caused the distance.

They expect something obvious.

Yet more often, the story sounds like this:

One person tried to talk, and the other was distracted with their phone.
Excitement met indifference.
Vulnerability met with impatience.
A bid for comfort and support landed nowhere.

Nothing catastrophic.
Just repetition that leads to disconnection.

Love rarely collapses in a single day. It thins gradually when partners stop feeling met.

Why do these moments carry so much power?

Humans are wired for responsiveness. When a reach for connection is answered warmly, the body settles. Safety registers. Trust accumulates.

When the reach is missed, uncertainty grows.

A relationship is built from thousands of these exchanges. The pattern becomes the climate. The climate becomes the story partners tell themselves about being together.

What is it that thriving couples do differently?

They are not more sophisticated. They are more responsive to each other regularly.

They look up.
They pause.
They ask another question.
They repair quickly after missteps.

Simple behaviours, repeated often, create emotional security.

What are the early warning signs most people miss?

Disconnection rarely announces itself loudly at first.

It appears as reduced curiosity.
A flatter tone. More time out.
Less turning towards.

This is the moment to act, long before resentment hardens.

This is the most useful question you can ask tonight

When my partner reached for me today, what did they receive from me?

Blame is not the aim. Awareness is.

Once you notice, you regain influence.

What partners report when they shift this

Change tends to be gentle.

We are kinder.
We recover faster.
I feel closer again.

Not fireworks.
Stability.

And stability is what allows affection to grow.

A practice that works in real homes

Next time your partner speaks, let there be a visible moment of arrival as you:

Turn your body.
Meet their eyes.
Respond with interest and curiosity.

You are communicating value.

Why dependability is deeply romantic

Intensity is exciting, but unpredictability is exhausting.

Knowing someone will be there, again and again, is what makes closeness sustainable.

Reliable connection is the soil romance grows in.

Frequently asked questions

Is something this small truly influential?
Yes. Repeated responsiveness reshapes how safe people feel with each other.

What if I am making the effort alone?
One partner’s shifting behaviour often softens the relational atmosphere. If progress stalls, support can help both people re-engage.

Do gestures and surprises still matter?
They are meaningful when built on everyday contact. Novelty keeps up excitement energy.

Reflections

Every interaction moves a relationship slightly towards closeness or distance. You can choose –

Notice the direction.

Choose it deliberately.

If you would value guidance in strengthening these moments together, you can learn more about our couples programs from our Imago Speciality Program Getting the Love You Want Weekend workshop.

For therapists considering referring individuals or couples they are seeing to couples therapy

Clinicians often tell me they want somewhere safe to send couples for structured relationship education, knowing those clients will be supported and then returned to ongoing care.

Our Imago Getting the Love workshop is designed to complement therapy, not replace it.

Couples gain practical skills in emotional responsiveness, communication, and repair. They return back to youwith shared language, clearer insight, and renewed motivation, which often accelerates progress in individual or couple sessions.

Many referring practitioners notice:

✔ improved stability between sessions
✔ reduced escalation
✔ greater accountability from both partners
✔ more productive therapeutic conversations

If you are supporting couples who need experiential learning in addition to insight, this couples intensive workshop can provide a valuable bridge.

You are always welcome to reach out to discuss whether a couple is suitable.

What makes or breaks love in a relationship?

Love is strengthened or weakened in everyday interactions. When partners respond to each other with attention, warmth, and interest, emotional safety grows. When bids for connection are repeatedly ignored or dismissed, distance develops. Over time, these small moments shape the future of the relationship.

Can small behaviours really change a relationship?

Yes. Consistent responsiveness influences how secure partners feel with one another. Even brief moments of eye contact, listening, or gentle acknowledgement can rebuild trust when practised regularly.

What is a bid for connection?

A bid for connection is any small attempt to gain a partner’s attention, support, or closeness. It might be sharing a thought, asking for help, making a joke, or reaching for touch. Turning towards these bids strengthens intimacy.

Why do couples drift apart?

Drift often occurs when partners stop responding to each other’s small emotional signals. The lack of acknowledgement accumulates, leading to feelings of loneliness, misunderstanding, and disconnection.

How can couples reconnect quickly?

Start by noticing moments when your partner reaches for you. Pause, turn towards them, and respond with curiosity or care. Repeating this pattern creates momentum towards closeness.

Practical steps to begin to be the change you want to see

Notice one bid for connection.
Respond warmly.
Repeat tomorrow and the next day.
Allow momentum to build. Smile more, share appreciation and kindness.

Small actions. Lasting difference. 💛

Thank you, beautiful people,

With love and Light Philipa and Chris

After decades of working as a psychologist, couples therapist, and trainer, I thought I had seen it all when it came to helping people reconnect. Then I experienced the Getting the Love You Want weekend Imago couples workshop. It was unlike anything I had ever encountered: powerful, practical, and deeply moving, and it changed the way I think about relationships, both in my professional work, and in my marriage.

Grounded in Imago Relationship Theory, and Therapy, this internationally acclaimed program is not only for romantic couples. It is equally powerful for therapists, friends, colleagues, parent–adult child pairs, and adult siblings anyone who wants to communicate more effectively, understand each other more deeply, and build a relationship that lasts.

Where it all Began – A Love Story with Challenges

The Getting the Love You Want workshop was created by Dr Harville Hendrix, and Dr Helen LaKelly Hunt in the late 1980s. Their vision grew from both professional expertise, and personal crisis.

At one point, Helen, and Harville’s marriage was on the brink of collapse. They had even flown to New York to tell their children they were divorcing. Before meeting them, they wandered into a bookstore. That chance moment sparked deep conversations about love, safety, and connection. From that turning point, they developed the concepts and practices that became Imago Relationship Therapy (Hendrix & Hunt, 2017).

Meeting Helen in Las Vegas

A few years ago, I had the privilege of meeting Helen at the Imago International Conference in Las Vegas. She shared that story with me in person, and her openness, humour, and hope struck me. Hearing directly from one of the founders reminded me that Imago is not just a therapy model. It is a lived experience, forged in the fire of real-life relationships.

From Pain to a Global Movement

Since its creation, Imago Relationship Therapy has grown into a worldwide movement helping couples, families, and communities. In recent years, Helen, and Harville have refined their work into the 5Rs framework, a clear roadmap for creating and sustaining safe, connected relationships (Hendrix & Hunt, 2021).

The 5Rs: a Roadmap for Re-Connection

When you attend the workshop, you are guided through five key steps:

Re-Commit – Making a conscious choice to invest in your relationship.
Re-Image – Seeing each other with fresh eyes, free from past assumptions.
Re-Structure – Learning the Intentional Dialogue, a structured way to speak and listen without defensiveness.
Re-Romanticise – Rebuilding joy, appreciation, and playfulness.
Re-Vision – Creating a shared vision for the future you both want.

Each step is practised in real time with your partner, colleague, or family member, so you leave not just inspired but equipped with tools you can use immediately. The bonus of having your personal workshop manual to refer to post-workshop is undeniable.

Common Fears

Many people hesitate before attending, wondering:

Will we have to share personal details in front of strangers?
No. This is not group therapy. All personal work happens privately in your pair.
Is group sharing mandatory?
No. Group sharing is optional and focuses on insights, not private stories.
What if we argue?
The safety and structure of the Intentional Dialogue mean reactive patterns are stopped before they spiral. Our team will be there to assist you. You don’t have to go it alone.

While you work privately, seeing others practise can be inspiring. Many participants say that witnessing another pair’s courage helps them believe change is possible in their relationship.

Each step is practised in real time with your partner, colleague or family member, so you leave not only inspired but also equipped with practical tools you can start using straight away. You will also take home your own workshop manual, a valuable resource you can return to again and again to keep building your connection long after the workshop ends.

Is it Only for Couples?

While many people attend with their romantic partner, the workshop is equally powerful for:

Therapists attending with a colleague for professional development
Parent, and adult child pairs
Adult siblings
Friends or business partners wanting a deeper understanding and improved communication

Why this Work Matters to Me

As psychologists, and as a married couple, Chris, and I do not just teach relational skills; we use them. The Getting the Love You Want tools have helped us navigate differences, dramas, disconnects, deepen our understanding, and stay connected through the ups and downs of life.

Attending this weekend workshop with Chris years ago was so powerful, I am now on the journey to becoming a certified Getting the Love You Want Workshop presenter. My goal is to share this life-changing work with couples, families, and colleagues here in Australia soon.

Be the First to Know

If you are curious about the Getting the Love You Want workshop and would like to be the first to hear when I offer it, you can join my mailing list here for updates. I would love to one day meet you and share this wonderful journey with you.

References

Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2017). Doing Imago relationship therapy in the space-between: A clinician’s guide. Routledge.

Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2019). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples (20th anniversary ed.). St. Martin’s Griffin.

Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2021). The space between: The 5Rs of safe and connected relationships. Penguin.

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (2nd ed.). Harmony.

Tatkin, S. (2016). Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger.

Tag: Parent adult child relationship workshop

A Psychologist Shares the Small Moments That Make Or Break Love