Author: Philipa Thornton

RIP Brenda Rawlinson Imago Therapy Australia and New Zealand legend

With a sense of sadness on this Valentine’s day, I wish to honor Brenda Rawlinson and her husband Peter Macmillan. Both dedicated advanced Imago couples therapists in their own right.

Chris and I first met Brenda and Peter at the Getting the Love You Want workshop in Lane Cove Sydney. This weekend’s couples workshops opened our eyes to what this relational therapy offers both personally and professionally. Peter and Brenda as husband and wife team lived this model of safe conversation, heartful joy, and growth toward deep connection. Their passion inspired us to complete the Clinical training they offered.

Brenda passed peacefully on Friday surrounded by love after a couple of years of dealing with a brain tumour and subsequent complications.

She will be mourned by many. Her legacy of love continues.

In an email, Peter shared their wedding vows and I respectfully share them here as a testament to their living them.

Brenda/Peter

I vow to love and cherish you always, to stand by you and support you, whatever life may bring.

I vow to respect you, to honour our differences, and to meet you with truth and passion.

I vow to recognize and support your soul’s journey in this life and to honour our relationship as a vehicle for healing and growth.

I vow to share with you the joy of our children, to be strong and loving with you in our parenting and to make our home a place of safety, nourishment, beauty and humour.

I vow to protect and grow our love in this sacred vessel our marriage.

Brenda/Peter, I love you and willingly embrace you as my wife/husband.

They truly say it all.

Loving and healing to all she touched, as Brenda’s light still shines bright.

Vale Brenda Rawlinson.

One of Brenda’s songs and a favorite of mine :

Dance Me to the End of Love, Leonard Cohen, Imperfect Offering  

Happy Valentines Everyone!

It’s nice to have a special day dedicated to love. Not that you have to be in a relationship. In Chile, I believe this is actually a friendship day celebrating our pals.

Surprisingly I get a lot of people asking if I see individuals. Yes, I do! We use EMDR, Resource Therapy, and Imago processes for accelerated results. Whether your mate won’t come. Or you want to clear the path forward for yourself. Totally love coaching both men and women toward their dream version of themselves and ideal relationships. Inside and out. We deal with the past so our future is healed. Allowing us to stop painful patterns and start exciting new adventures.

Chris and I are off to a nice lunch by the seaside, we just love a beautiful Sydney view. What will you do either for you if you choose or your sweetheart?

Of course, there are always flowers – red roses and a card for the traditional. Perhaps you go skydiving together for an adrenalin rush. Maybe a surprise picnic at the office. In Sydney, it’s a Monday. Please drop a comment below how you plan to spend it, love to hear from you!

All we need is love and connection
We love, who we love xox

Love in the Real World

Hey there I have just finished another episode of the Resourceful Therapist which relates to couples. You will meet Julie and Will, advanced Imago Couples Therapists. Plus they are running their next Getting the Love You Want Workshop online Sept 24 Just click the link for details.

How a Couples Retreat Can Save Your Relationship

We are very lucky to have the next “Getting the Love You Want Workshop” Online.

This workshop is at the heart of Imago Therapy where connection and communication are key. Learn safe ways to heal and hear.

Our beautiful therapists bringing you this program are Will and Julie. Imago Therapists practice what we preach, it’s personal as well as professional.

Workshop presenter Will shares :

We all want to be connected and happy, and most of us are doing the best we can with what we know.

However, it seems we lack the map, the knowledge, and the skills to navigate the trickier waters of partnership. 

We struggle with fear, with defensive strategies that have kept us ‘safe’ (better to be safe than sorry).

There’s a cost to this safety – we lose ourselves and our intimate partnership.

With better ways to love fully, we are no longer doomed to recreate the same hurtful patterns, and can end the suffering.

You will remember the GTLYW retreat as one of the best weekends you have ever had together and time well spent.

You will take away great skills, a new way of loving, and a whole new positive perspective on your relationship.

It is good to know we are not alone in this challenging endeavor called love.

So grab this opportunity now August 13th Start Getting the Love YOU Want!

NOW ONLINE

Couples Retreat with Julie Ayres-Cutler and William Vorobioff

Fri evening 13 August: 7-9pm All Online in the comfort of your home.

Sat  14 August: 9am- 5pm with breaks in between, for lunch and refreshments

Sun 15 August: 9am- 5pm with breaks in between, for lunch and refreshments

Hurry now to register please click here or call Julie on 0422 955 414.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The Love You Want…

Hello from Sydney lockdown, beautiful people!

Some good has come as we adhere to the necessary restrictions. However, this can cause pressure in our partnerships. Tensions flare, arguments escalate.

I don’t know about you, but it can take me a while to address things in my relationship, often complaining and then taking action.

One of the key skills we use is the Imago Dialogue. Easily learnt, it offers you and your mate a deeper connection in emotional safety.

It’s in the doing that counts.

Here’s something you can do for your relationship today – The Getting the Love you Want workshop is now online August 13-15.

A weekend of healing from the comfort of your own home.

So don’t miss out on this lockdown opportunity!

2021 (NOW ONLINE) Couples Workshop with Julie Ayres-Cutler and William Vorobioff

Fri evening 13 August: 7-9pm

Sat  14 August: 9am- 5pm

Sun 15 August: 9am- 5pm

Please note: This workshop will now proceed online.

To register or for more information please call Julie on 0422 955 414.

2021 Weekend Couple Workshop Online

Photo by Jennifer Marquez on Unsplash

Yours in gratitude and service,

Philipa

3 Minutes a Day to Improve Your Mental Health and Relationship

I have a quick video for you where I share one of our take-home tasks in couples therapy. It’s 3 minutes of positivity directed toward your partner.

This is so important, as we need to build up the emotional good will. Most of us focus on the problems. Which seems like the best thing to do and there definitely is a time and place for that.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Most of us need to regroup and remember the good things. Especially in this Covid world. Gratitude and acknowledgement supports our immune system. Plus it feels better ! So here is a quick guide to the three key skills of Imago – Mirroring, Validation and Empathising. With the daily positivity practice of three minutes a day and sharing that. Love to know how you go, please drop me note below.

Reminder on the Last Resort Technique

My amazing friend and brilliant therapist Michele Weiner-Davis ( Yes a bit of hero worship here!) has brought us the Last Resort Technique (LRT). This is when your spouse says the dreaded “D” word, divorce.

Please visit the full article here. With over a thousand comment’s you get a lot of help and support. You are not alone. I always respond personally.

I see some common misapprehensions on the LRT. So I will put up a wee refresher here.

The three steps are

  1. Stop Chasing.
  2. Get a Life.
  3. Wait.

And once you are working this then, how you might respond :

  • Be loving in return, but not overly excited or enthusiastic.
  • Accept some invitations to spend time together, but not all.
  • Accept all Family time invites. Your spouse seeing you having fun with your kids together reminds them of the value of family. You are a parent forever.
  • Do not ask any questions about your future together.
  • Be vague when asked questions about the changes in you. Say that you are just thinking things through. Live the shift.
  • Continue to be upbeat.
  • Do not say, “I love you.”
  • Resist getting in the conversation about your relationship.
  • Get a head start and beat your spouse to the punch when it comes time to leave or separate from each other at the end of an activity. You set the tone for going your separate ways.
  • As a rule of thumb, be responsive to your partner’s interest but not too responsive. Going overboard will lead your partner to get cold feet. Be warned.

So, stay interested, but cool in a self-possessed manner, (not icy though, as that will send mixed messages) until you are absolutely convinced that your partner’s renewed interest in saving your marriage has taken hold.

Good luck, dear hearts.

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

Know I am thinking of you all and wishing you well.

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

Now this topic can raise certain parts of us up in interesting ways, depending on our own early experiences. Are you a spendthrift? Or perhaps you live for today and forget to save for tomorrow. Exactly how did your parents handle money? Who was the decision maker or was it shared? Did they talk finances?

In my household it was very traditional. Dad was the breadwinner. Mum homemaker. And boy was my Dad controlling with the checkbook. Poor mum had to ask him to sign blank checks ( US spelling sorry) to buy the weekly grocery’s.

This was due to Dad’s lack of inner security, outdated and untrue beliefs about women and spending. Times have changed in their marriage. Mum is the one now holding all the ( credit) cards.

$ talking money, can be charged, yep I know bad pun. The way we get around this is with our Imago conversation. Want to see an actual couple session on this very topic?

Look here https://youtu.be/RNhwCIMPGoc Watch as Philip and Julia financial advisors deal with a their money blocks :

QR Code for Australia’s Official Imago Association of Therapists

Association of Imago Relationship Therapists Australia
Start your therapy journey here. For therapists learn Imago, connect with couples counsellors.

I often refer to Imago Therapy in my blog. That’ s because I use it personally and professionally. The skills I have learnt there have helped us so much. This is why I share this today, a list of beautiful therapists in Australia. The QR code that will take you directly to this amazing site.

QR code Association of Imago Relationship Therapists Australia.

Secrets of Successful Relationships

I can write them easily – Love, Respect, Friendship and Trust. Two dimensional words.

It’s the actions and responses that you show and share with your partner that can make or break your partnership. Are you a good friend?

Are you present, listening, showing care, curiosity and connection? Or are you just going through the motions as you walk through the door?

I am not talking about those still in the romance relationship phase here. This is where we are drugged with nature’s anesthesia as Harville Hendrix calls PEA – Phenylethylamine.

When the PEA wears off as it inevitably will, cracks appear. Our partner eats noisily, forgets to call, leaves without kissing you goodbye.

What attracted you initially now repels you.

All minor things but they build up. Resentment festers. If left too long it seems as if the D-word is the only option.

It’s not, change is possible.

How to Keep love alive after the honeymoon is over

Imago Couple Therapy is designed to help you gain skills, communicate, learn and grow together by applying loving, respectful, and trust-building practices.

So stop the resentment rot from setting in. See a relationship specialist today.

Only the other day in a couple therapy session, a husband and wife joined some of the dots on how their life patterns played out.

Husband said, ” Oh I used to take it personally when I imagined you were prioritizing your friends over me.” His Wife said “I can’t say no to my friends, I over-commit myself. I don’t want to let anyone down or it will feel like a failure to me.” Husband “I see now it’s you wanting to please everyone and where this comes from. What a lot of expectation pressure you put on yourself.” Both said they felt hopeful as this new perspective allowed more love and respect to build.

Relationships a two way street. Keep the avenues open with kindness, gratitude and generosity. Your partner will trigger you. Breathe to calm yourself. Use your words, actions, and deeds to inspire the love you want.

Loves wisdom, grow older and kinder
Loves wisdom, grow older and kinder