December Marriage Works

Christmas time can bring a load of feelings. For some of us these are heavy, painful and lonely times. For others, it’s a joyous celebration of connection.


My friend and eminent couples therapist Michele Weiner- Davis’ said at training, we as therapists need to be able to heal relationships. That includes our own circle.

Shutting off or cutting off as it is called in therapy speak it not the most healthy option. Real courage comes from working through the rupture in the relationship to repair and healing.


It is a bias of mine for families to have connections. So in this video, I will show you a Resource Therapy process for clarification. It’s a safe self-help action you can take. I give a quick demonstration.


I think it beats journalling ( although that is good too) as there is something unique in speaking this out with ourselves.

Note I am not suggesting you have the conversation with the person. Rather this is like the letter you write without sending. It is for you to gain insight and hopefully an emotional shift.
Love to hear how it went for you. please share your experiences.

Philipa Thornton is your Relationship Psychologist in Sydney, and now worldwide online. Philipa and her husband Chris Paulin run Marriage Works their busy private practice, helping couples re-pair with coupe therapy, heal marital issues to find relationship harmony. We assist singles em-power, heal, and develop healthy internal and external relationships.

How Our Childhood Plays Out in Our Partnerships

Have you ever heard your spouse complaining and feel as if you need to respond in kind with your frustration too? Too soon you’re in a massive argument wondering how di you go from 0-100.

Perhaps your mate works a great deal. They say it’s for your family but you feel lonely. You withdraw or share all your love with your children thinking about divorce.

You can’t sit still and relax, there’s a compulsion to keep busy. You worry. Sometimes it even feels like panic.

Maybe you like your world to be a certain way and it feels terrible if there is a disappointment or change of plans. Your partner feels controlled, you often feel out of control.

What is going on here?

Many of our feelings and behavioral responses are laid down in childhood.

We protect, reject, project and react from those childhood parts of us. Our Parts that were emotionally neglected, shamed, abandoned or not accepted or allowed to explore or make mistakes as little people.

We may have received conditional love if we did well at sports or feel that we were not seen, heard, or supported. We feel invisible, voiceless, and not good enough on the inside. It’s a struggle to let love in. We hide.

This then plays out for us in adulthood. Our partner selection ensures we will find a person who mirrors our caregivers negative and positive traits. Our parts will become active in their adaptive ways trying to protect our emotional selves.

No you haven’t chosen the wrong person.

Far from it. Indeed you have found the exact match to help you heal and grow.

Perhaps you relate, or see yourself or your partner?

Watch this video and drop a comment in the box below to share your thoughts and reflections.

Help others by sharing your insights below. Thanks for reading !

Clinical Imago Therapist Listing

Shout for those who are looking to re-pair and want to rekindle the good stuff. Home is where the heart is as they say – learn how to reconnect.

Here is my profile on the Australian Imago Relationship Therapy Website – Philipa Thornton Relationship Psychologist

Look there for other well trained clinical couples therapists in your area ๐Ÿ™‚

November Monthly Support

Hello all you gorgeous people out there, thanks for stopping by!

Apologies there was no October post, I had too much on my plate personally. Never fear we are here.

I am taking a leaf out of my American friends and making this month’s Marriage Workers and relationship repairers support theme of Thanksgiving.

When we cultivate an attitude of gratitude, we are sowing the seeds and inviting in kindness. With appreciation, we soften. We can lean in.

With all the pressure the whole world is experiencing now more than ever in our personal relationships gratitude may be vital.

Expressing your appreciation can be transformative.

As part of my sessions, I love it when couples share these special gifts with each other.

And it’s the little things like :

When we were in bed and you reached over, put your arm around me, and cuddled me, I felt so loved and cared for by you. It was really special to me.

Wife sharing to husband

The micro matters most to our mates.

Grand gestures are the exception. When you share your attitude of gratitude you open the love channels. We create safety and respect.

The same for those of us who are solo.

We can share our care, being kind to ourselves, our pets and our people who matter. I love coaching singles past old patterns toward healing and healthy relationships. It starts with ourselves first.

So please let me send a heartfelt thank you for reading and viewing my YouTube Channel Marriage Workers and relationship repairers. I care for you!

Lots of love and the latest episode here

Online Getting the Love You Want – NZ Style ๐Ÿงก

Hello lovely relationship workers! My Imago friends, and teachers in New Zealand Brenda Rawlings and Peter Macmillan are offering a special treat.

Online 2 hours post Getting the Love You Want Post Workshop Support for Couples.

It’s perfect timing for us Aussies at 5-7 pm, monthly next on August 31st.

Getting the Love You Want
Online Couples Support –ย  Monday 27 July
A monthly online Seminar ***for couples who have attended a ‘Getting the Love You Want’ Couples Workshop
****
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About Online Couples Support
The aim of these sessions is to provide support to couples, following your attendance at a ‘Getting the Love You Want’ Couples Workshop.
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The sessions will be via Zoom and will be presented by Brenda Rawlings and Peter McMillan (jointly or individually).
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They are held on the last Monday of the month, from February to November.
You can register for one, some, or all of the sessions.
The next one is on Monday 31, 7 pm
– 9pm (New Zealand time).

Each session may include a lecture, a demonstration, and exercises to work on with your partner. There will also be an opportunity to ask questions.
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What Will Be Covered?

  • Imago dialogue
  • Parent child dialogue
  • Behaviour Change Request
  • Relational cycles
  • Zero negativity
  • How to listen deeply
  • How to speak safely
  • Using appreciation and gratitude to build safety and connection

You will be guided in using the tools and principles outlined at the Couples Workshop, and to further explore and integrate these into your lives.
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TIME
5pm – 7pm Sydney Time
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FEES
$45 (per session)
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Register here Getting the Love Online :https://www.relationships.co.nz/getting-the-love-you-want-online-couples-support-australia/

Flyer https://relationships.us6.list-manage.com/track/click?u=c59dd153b1792240bef578a5e&id=9396e91ca9&e=3d2c08868c

August Marriage Works Support: Self-Respect

Last updated on August 10th, 2020 at 04:25 pm

Welcome to August, I am a little late getting this to you. It’s been a busy time of online training for the Resource Therapy Institute – sorry!

Know that I am sending you all love, support, and appreciation for wherever you are on your relationship journey.

Married, de facto, or single, we at Marriage Works seek to assist you live your life’s dreams and highest potential. I do work with singles for coaching to help you change past patterns of relationship and assist you in repairing your self- worth. You are lovable and good enough, truly!

The theme for this month is Self- Respect.

Naturally people want respect in their relationships.

When I ask what this means in therapy sessions, I often get either a stunned look or a few descriptions rattled off.

We often haven’t really had the chance to ponder what respect and self-respect are. How they play out.

This is your mission for the month to think on what it means and how Self Respect shows up for you, or not as the case may be.

What is my definition of Self Respect ?

How do I allow this to show up in my life? What values am I connecting with when I do this?

Self Respect is both an action and an internal compass. It can be as simple as what I choose to eat – is it nourishing for my body. Where my focus goes, is it toward my goals? Am I listening to myself or am I looking for external approval for acknowledgement.

How do I validate my thoughts and feelings. Do I speak kindly, compassionately to myself.

Would I treat others better than I treat myself, ie would I not listen to my intuition and tolerate unhelpful patterns out of fear?

Is my need for approval leading me to lose my self respect? How do I regain the balance?

Please share as I am extremely curious, especially in this world COVID crisis as to how you live this or reconnect with the treasure you are. When we treat ourselves with dignity and gravitas, how do others respond?

Love to hear drop a comment in the box below your musings and definitions. Thanks ever so much,

Love Philipa xox

Marriage Works Support for you - Self Respect

It’s Official. I’m a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist!

During my relationship counseling career, I have used the Imago dialogue with couples on and off. There are other approaches we use in sessions too – from leaders in couple therapy like John Gottman and Ellen Bayden.

It wasn’t till Chris and I went through a rocky patch we discovered the power of Harville Hendrix and Helen Lakelly-Hunt’s Imago Couple Therapy. This beautiful life pair show us the way, having co-authored many books together. Including the classic ” Getting the Love You Want” self-help guide. This book has now been in print for over 40 years! Tried and true.

What anniversary is that I wonder?

Chris and I went to the Couples retreat. Here you learn the principles of Getting the Love you Want in the workshop.

This weekend sold me on Imago. We came away more connected, and loving.

In those two days, and to his credit Chris came too. We decided to train in this special relational healing method. A couple of years ago Chris and I attended the training, many days.

Yet I could not call myself and Imago Therapist.

One had to be certified.

An intensive process of supervision, presenting videos of my work, being a helper at workshops, more training, and then a final assessment once I had completed everything.

Last month my official Imago certifier Peter Macmillan, sent me an email. He had reviewed my final tape. He said I had passed with excellent marks. Phew!

So it’s official now. I am an Imago Therapist certified by Imago Therapy International.

Proud to be supporting people in all their relationships. Cheers!

.

๐ŸŒท June Monthly Challenge – Share Kindness ๐Ÿ’ž ๐Ÿฅฐ

Welcome back to the Marriage Works Monthly Challenge Series. This is really a call to action to encourage share your positive parts to the world. This is for you no matter what your relationship status.

This month as we start to unfurl from lockdown’s, COVID 19 restrictions I ask you to share your kindness.

For some of us, this will be anxiety-provoking, possibly overwhelm, for others of us it may be a relief.

Whatever your reaction is, know it is all within the normal range to an abnormal situation.

Our partners can have their unique reactions to this so please be mindful and generous to their experiences.

So please share kindness. ๐Ÿค—

I am a kiwi at home in Sydney (New Zealander for those who don’t know the euphemism). Being from a small town Thames it’s natural to say Hi and smile at folks when we are out and about. This can be such a goodwill gesture and often rewarded in kind.

Start with small.

Sometimes we have the opportunity to do more. I have had a friend who unexpectedly ended up in hospital. She called and I was able to get her clothes, supplies, feed her cat Izzy and support her. She is out now of danger and things are improving thank goodness.

Here’s the YouTube Marriage Works Channel video on Sharing kindness ๐Ÿšธ Hear how I responded when a lady got anxious and told me off at the mall.

Here is the link https://youtu.be/kc_tMcscQu8

As I believe a joy shared is doubled and you will inspire others with your positive deeds. It’s feel-good all round.๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜

PS. Love to hear how your kindness sharing went, please drop a comment in the box below. Please pass on to others who may benefit.๐Ÿงก ๐Ÿ’›

Fancy a Newcastle Getaway & Reconnecting your Relationship?

Last updated on May 31st, 2020 at 09:39 am

Hello Marriage workers and Relationship heroes. As we move into a new era, it’s time to freshen things up. So glad there is an easing of COVID 19 restrictions.

I am super excited to announce friends of mine Julie and Will are offering the amazing Getting the Love You Want Couples weekend workshop.

This is such a special seminar – designed for all couples who want to reset old patterns, and have a fresh start.

Interestingly, Imago couple therapy practitioners who want full certification also need to attend in their partnerships. It’s certainly helped me being on both sides of the metaphorical couch.

I am glad Chris and I had the opportunity. It totally brought new compassion, insight, and connection to our relationship. I

Even in this lock down, correct me if I am wrong but I think our most valuable asset is time.

This is exactly why investing in a weekend for your partnership is so productive to healing and hope.

Plus Newcastle is a cute place to visit.

Here is the details:

VENUE Conference Room, D.A. Centre 2 Percy Street, Hamilton

DATES:

13th/14th June 2020 Saturday and Sunday 9am to 6pm

Here is the Australian Institute of Imago Relationship Therapists link to register for this course. Early bird special still applies so don’t miss out.

http://www.imagocounselling.org.au/home/2016/9/19/couple-workshops

Marriage Works You Tube Channel – More on Getting the Love You Want Workshop