You may have seen the viral kiss-cam clip from a Coldplay concert. A couple is caught on screen. Instead of leaning in, they freeze. Pull away. Their faces say it all—shock, fear, panic.
Social media lit up with theories. Was it an affair? A secret? A mistake caught live?
As a couples therapist, I saw something deeper: A trauma response. A nervous system overwhelmed. A moment where the body said, “This is not safe.”
Because when trust is broken—publicly or privately—it can feel like an emotional earthquake.
🧠 Betrayal, Infidelity, and Secrets Can Mimic PTSD Symptoms
You do not need to go to war to experience trauma. You only need to feel helpless, unsafe, or deeply hurt.
In relationships, this can look like:
Flashbacks or obsessive thoughts about what happened
Difficulty sleeping or eating
A constant feeling of walking on eggshells
Feeling numb, frozen, or overly reactive
Panic, dread, or emotional shutdown when triggered
These are not “overreactions”—they are your nervous system trying to protect you.
💬 “Why Can’t I Just Get Over It?”
I hear this all the time in my practice. You may love your partner and still feel unsafe. You may desperately want to move forward—but feel stuck in replay, confusion, or mistrust.
That is not weakness. That is a trauma wound, calling for care—not criticism.
Whether it was a betrayal, infidelity, emotional withdrawal, or a rupture you cannot name—your pain is valid. And repair is possible.
🪷 The Healing Power of Therapy and Couples Work
When a relationship injury happens, many couples do not know how to repair it, especially when both are hurting.
That is where therapy or a workshop can help you:
Understand and name what happened (and what it meant to each of you)
Learn how to regulate intense emotions and triggers
Rebuild emotional safety, one interaction at a time
Create new ways of connecting with honesty and care
Therapy provides a safe, structured space for your nervous systems to settle—and for your hearts to open again.
💛 Your Pain Is Real. And So Is the Possibility of Repair.
If the kiss-cam story hit a nerve for you… If you are still carrying the aftershocks of betrayal, secrecy, or silence… Please know this:
You are not broken. And you are not alone.
With support, couples can navigate even the deepest pain toward trust, truth, and emotional reconnection.
If you are ready to begin, Chris and I are here.
Reach out today by calling or emailing us. We are here for you.
A spouse relationship can be the most intimate, warm, and beneficial relationships you ever have. However, being that close to someone inherently opens you up to heartache. Being close to someone requires vulnerability and openness. When that vulnerability and transparency are abused or betrayed, this can lead to intense pain and grief.
Grief can make you turn away but the best way to heal is to turn toward each other
However, when a relationship is worth saving , worth fighting for, (and most are people!) forgiveness and healing is the key to getting things back on track. Forgiveness can restore a broken relationship and help you find that place of happiness and harmony once again.
Love heals hurts – you are worth it!
The problem comes when the pain and grief are still too raw. Forgiving can be extremely difficult when the hurt caused can’t be forgotten. Today, we are going to share with you ways that you can move toward a restored relationship through forgiveness, even when you can’t forget.
Begin by Believing
The first step in any significant change happens within your mindset. If you do not believe that something can happen, chances are, you will not truly invest all that you can to try and make it happen.
It is essential that you begin by believing that rebuilding is possible. Elsewhere on the MarriageWorks.com.au blog, you will find an excellent piece about this very topic.
Heal your hearts together and grow your love
They offer some much-needed hope for people struggling with reconciliation after a spouse has betrayed their trust. On their blog, they say that with professional help, reconciliation is not only possible, but it is also probable.
When you sincerely believe that something is possible, those positive thoughts will inspire positive actions. And what is rebuilding but a series of positive actions encouraged by positive thinking?
Even if rebuilding your marriage is not possible, believing that forgiveness that moving on and enjoying life again is possible will go a long way in helping you reach those goals.
Stop Trying to Forget
When a spouse hurts us, the pain can seem unbearable at times. Since they are often our closest friend, our spouse can hurt us more than anyone else. Dwelling on this pain can be extremely damaging, however trying like mad to forget can also be detrimental.
The way our brains work, trying to forget rarely works. Often, actively attempting to get rid of a memory will lead to that memory cement itself in our brains. And in the case of pain and heartache, that is the last thing that you want.
Broken hearts can be mended – take heart
Sometimes people will work themselves into a rut where they try to forget; the memory comes back, they try to ignore it, the memory reasserts itself stronger yet. This leads to intense frustration and can drag out the healing process for much longer than necessary.
So, stop trying to forget. Stop focusing on the wrong and turn your attention to the things that bring you joy. The memory will fade away in time, but not if you are always trying to forget it.
Forgive for Yourself First
Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Studies have shown that people who forgive often can lead happier, healthier, and more productive, meaningful lives. Is that the kind of life you want to live? I think most of us would have to say ‘yes.’ We all want to have abundant lives that make a difference and allow us to enjoy the moments that we are here on earth.
Keep your heart open
Often forgiveness is viewed as something we must do so for the benefit of the person who wronged us. However, if you shift your perspective and realize that forgiveness has perhaps more to do with your quality of life than anything else, you will begin to see that not only is forgiveness important, it is vital to you living the life that you want to live.
A life free from bitterness, a life that releases the hurt and pain, is a life that is enjoyable to live. Forgiveness is the path to this kind of life. But if you can’t forget, remember that you owe it to yourself to forgive so that you can live the best life that you possibly can.
Remember, Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Feeling
There are many things in life that we may not feel like doing. However, we do them, knowing that they are the right thing to do. Sometimes, forgiveness is one of those things.
Forgiveness gives you true freedom to move forward and heal.
If you are waiting for a feeling to come before you forgive, chances are you will be waiting for a long time. Instead, take the proactive approach and choose forgiveness even if you may not feel like it.
Final Thoughts
There are few things as painful as a broken relationship. However, our goal today was to provide you with some hope, knowing that forgiveness is possible.
Another thing to keep in mind is that professional guidance is sometimes needed. For most of us, this kind of heartbreak is all brand-new territory. Having someone with the experience and training to guide you through the process can make a world of difference.
Note: Many thanks to Danielle over at RP Emery Legal Kits for sharing these tips with us. Protecting yourself ahead of time before getting into any new relationship is always a good idea.
Togetherness side by side in your recovery journey will get you there.
Love to hear your thoughts, feelings and experiences on this topic please add comment in the box below.
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