Probably not. Harville Hendrix discovered the secret to what goes wrong in our partnerships and how to heal.
It’s not you or your partner. You and your mate are simply repeating patterns of pain that began way before you met.
No wonder you feel stuck.
Having the same fight repeatedly. Yearning to feel heard and seen and connected in your relationship at a heart-centered level. It’s often the same for your partner too.
So what’s really going on?
Imago tells you why you are trapped in negativity and how to find a way out. With hope, intimacy, and heartfelt connection.
Keen to know more?
Here’s a YouTube animation summarising Harville Hendrix and his wife Helen LaKelly-Hunt in their New York Times Bestseller Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Thanks to @Ragwise – Read And Grow Wise. There are subtitles as the narrator has a thick accent.
A six-minute introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy and how it can help you and your partner move beyond conflict and restore connection.
Many couples struggle with sexual desire discrepancy, no more so than after children. While it’s an exciting time and so wonderful to have wee people. It can cause a strain on your sexual relationship. Not to mention the stresses of work, in-laws, and all the other calls for our attention.
Tantra might be your answer. So what is Tantra?
When you mention Tantra, the first thing people say is sex, which is a touch reductionist.
Classical Tantra is the study of ancient Hindu and Buddhist texts with sacred religious rituals and practices designed for spiritual awakening and connection to divinity.
Tantra was brought to the West in the early 20th Century. Modern Tantra or Neo Tantra focuses on the body and sexual energy as an instrument for ecstasy. Most of us may have heard of the Kama Sutra.
When the producer reached out to me for Tod Sampson’s new season’s documentary Mirror, Mirror discussing Tantra I was intrigued, to say the least. Coincidentally I had just watched last year’s doco with my Dad as I was a featured expert on Social Media and its impacts series.
So there I was looking into the camera trying to keep a straight face discussing Tantra and Tantric sex as an Imago Relationship psychologist and coach. Hilarious, as Mel the producer the only other woman with around 7 guys in the studio.
I digress.
There’s a hot debate on the Westernised and monetized versions of Tantric Sex like Neo-Tantra. Tropical paradise beckons for a week of self-discovery at a price. Commercialization most definitely undermines the spiritual component of Tantra.
Yet revering and honoring our bodies as sacred intuitively feels appropriate and respectful.
Bet you didn’t know some of the Tantric Sex practices aren’t dissimilar to the techniques we coach couples within our clinic. Clothes on of course.
Here are some common features supported by the science we utilize in therapy.
Eye Gazing the Look of Love
In Imago Relationship Therapy we invite partners to turn their chairs towards each other. We may ask them to hold hands and they hold a soft gaze into each other’s eyes in silence.
In this space, barriers break down. Warmth and intimacy reignite.
Many couples giggle nervously as they cross the bridge into each other’s worlds sans words. Simple and yet powerful. Partners report how it’s been ages since they really looked at their partner. Not as a parent, or as a foe, but rather as a friend, their mate.
Naturally, they feel seen and acknowledged in this safe space. Without the danger of words and thoughts escalating into an argument.
30 years of research supports sustained eye contact in increasing intimacy, greater attraction, and trust building. This loving gaze stimulates our pair bonding hormones – oxytocin and phenylethylamine or PEA.
Centring
Next, we allow space to connect to our core selves using the breath with an inhale and long exhalation. Your Imago therapist coach will guide you to deepen and extend the out-breath simultaneously. Lengthening and synchronizing our breath and connection physiologically.
Again science assists our therapy knowledge and practice.
When we are fighting, we are in our Sympathetic Nervous System – which kicks in to deal with the perceived threat in our environment. If we were to view our brains in an fMRI we would see our threat detection areas like the amygdala are activated. Our brains see our partners as attacking so our body mobilizes for action – increased heart rate and blood pressure rises.
We are in fight or flight mode. Rational thought flies out the window.
Instead, we can down-regulate our body’s alarm system, safely and naturally with longer out breathing.
Here we are tapping into our Para-Sympathetic part of us – the rest and relaxation arm of our nervous system. Long Pranayama (Yogic) breathing has been shown in numerous studies to reduce heart rate, lower blood pressure, and increase immune system responsiveness. These are all factors associated with greater life expectancy.
In Imago we encourage intimacy and play. Intimacy, sex, and orgasm are great ways to reconnect in the privacy of your own home. Tantra suggests exploring you and your partner without the goal of orgasm. Instead relishing in the journey of touch and intimacy – tapping into your largest sex organ your brain.
I wonder if you can experiment with this breathing and soft gaze in your bedroom tonight. You might enjoy what Sex Therapist and Intimacy and Desire author David Schnarch calls – electric wall socket sex with an eyes-open orgasm. Inviting all your senses into your and your partners’ connection. Be brave, bold, and respectful.
Super excited to share the wonder of Imago Relationship Therapy. This is for you if you are an individual therapist or a couples counselor wanting to add another field-proven couples therapy modality to your toolkit.
Probably not. We yearn for a loving partner, one that offers security, connection, and unconditional love. And yet where are they? Our mate maybe less than ideal, having forgotten the romance that brought you two together.
Maybe you feel disconnected, alone even abandoned at times.
You are not alone.
Believe it or not, your partner may have similar feelings of discontent. So many couples we speak to come in disheartened. Unable to connect except in arguments and strife.
Stuck in these never-ending loops, hope fades. That’s no life. You want more.
We get it.
Chris my husband and I got to this very point in our marital relationship. Yep, Marriage counsellors and relationship therapists need help too.
We discovered Imago Relationship Therapy. Chris wasn’t the problem and neither was I. We were in this together.
We took the Getting the Love You Want Workshop. We trained and certified as Imago Relationship Therapists with New Zealand Imago Relationships Institute – Peter McMillan and Brenda Rawlings (RIP).
Learning how to connect, communicate, appreciate, and shift our reactive patterns was enlightening and empowering. Moving from complaint to compassion. Knowing it’s only our history playing out. Having the psychological and emotional space to talk, share, and repair.
Knowing there’s a way forward. Genuine healing, heartfelt connection.
This is what we bring to our relationship coaching.
Whether you are together, or on your own relational coaching is a game changer. As we learn about ourselves, we can move out of negative beliefs and break out of the death spiral.
Are You Ready, Willing, and Wanting to Change Now? Sick and tired and can’t wait any longer? Please call us on 0434 559 011 on weekdays 9-5.
Here’s a YouTube preview video from America’s Imago Relationship Therapy’s founders – Helen LaKelly-Hunt and Harville Hendrix. As spouse’s they live and love the Imago way. With Imago dialogues, a relationship vision and warm connection in their marriage.
Imago Relationship Therapists and married couple. Harville and Helen.
I am not really political, but I have to give a shout-out to resigning NZ Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. Regardless political beliefs she stepped into a turbulent time. Dealing with WWW2-like conditions – Global pandemic, Terrorist Attack, White Island’s eruption. She gave birth while in office. Pretty special in my book. She appeared kind, gentle, staunch, wise, and determined. Amazing gravitas.
It’s now her time to enjoy her family.
Refusing to burn out, resigning on her terms.
I am guessing she is putting her energy into her relationships. Now that is a new role model. She has obviously listened to her needs and acted on them. What if you were to stand still, go inside, and listen for what comes? What would that voice be guiding you to do? Would it be more or less? Listen and see.
Oh, I was so inspired by Dame Valerie’s story and I am sure you will be too. Watching her life portrayed on the screen “More than Gold.” It really was.
I was in tears of connection at least four times. Poignant, powerful, and awesome. Her mother would be proud. Many of us who watch will resonate with her journey – loss, divorce, despair, devotion, mother guilt, birth, and trauma. Winning and losing. Performance pressure.
So let your heart be touched in this beautiful moving tale of 5 Olympic games and see a world-class athlete battle and become her personal best.
Dame Valerie Adams – loving mother, wife, friend and shotput legend of Aotearoa NZ.
Hello, lovely relationship wonders! Chris and I wish to welcome your entrance into 2023 with a special dialogue gift. The gratitude dialogue is a sheet of inspiration for you to share with your partner or friend, or yourself. Learn the art of couples’ communication. Offering joy and connection.
I wanted to share what my husband and I teach – Resource Therapy to other mental health professionals, to give you the opportunity to see what else we do.
Here is a post from theResource Therapy Institute Australia . Limited time as there are less than 24 hours to go for this special gift – Click here NLP PLaybook & Calendar for the NLP Masters Summit where you can see me speak.
Also last minute I know but the “Getting the love you want Workshop” is on this weekend if you are in near Crows Nest Sydney. For details click here to go to the official Imago Therapy Australia website.
We are, literally, a few days away from the start of NLP Masters Summit 2022, the largest NLP Event in the world.
Whether you are a beginner in NLP or a seasoned professional, this event will bring you some of the brightest minds in the world of NLP and you will learn some of the best applications of NLP in personal life, coaching and therapy, business, and spirituality.
They have prepared a FREE PLAYBOOK which contains excerpts from over 20 of the presentations from the summit and you can get it For Free right now, by clicking HERE.
When you download the Playbook, you also will receive Free Access to all the Live Presentations from the summit so, it’s a Double Win!
Our devices can both connect and distract. Being in front of a screen both diminishes our ‘presentness’ in our relationships and impacts our ability to focus. It can connect us in dating and mating and it can divide us.
I don’t have to tell you the research is out there for all to see.
Todd Sampson was so concerned with what he calls ” …a global crisis…”, he’s brought us a documentary Mirror, Mirror 2sharing the latest. It airs on Channel 10 Oct 10 / 11 7.30. Two nights where we explore Love and then Hate online.
I met with Todd and can tell you he is so committed as a parent, partner, and person to bringing you the latest information on these frightening trends. I’ll be watching, hope you will be too.
