Last updated on February 12th, 2015 at 01:37 pm
This morning I spoke to John Stanley and Garry Linnell of 2UE’s breakfast show on this very topic – the division of labour in the household. Interestingly Garry said he actually does most of the housework.
He is more enlightened than most, as around 70% of household duties in a partnership are still performed by women.
Research to the rescue, guys – Neil Chethik’s study VoiceMale: What husbands really think about their marriages, their wives, sex, housework and commitment found the more housework husbands did, the more sex they were having with their wives. De Facto couples do not despair, as I imagine similar correlations are apparent as men perform more household duties – please let me know if this is the case.
Curious to think what may be behind this? Perhaps as women are freed up from the kitchen sink it brings out their wild side. Or they may have more energy to offer up in the bedroom?
So guys the sum of this is the more chores you, do the more sex you will get!
Read on for help if you are stuck in a hopeless battle in the chore wars in your relationship.
Tips for a ceasefire in the chore wars.
Sharing is caring
Sharing the load in the household will benefit all. Apart from the above bedroom incentive. Talk about who does what, by when and how. Share your experience and build the care factor in your relationship. This will allow your children to see an egalitarian relationship model, where partners can be equal and share responsibility, a great life lesson helping them to develop healthy relationships themselves later on in life.
If there is a lot to do and little time you can do it as a team. Say you have visitors coming over, the house to clean and food to prepare. In your duo one might ask permission to be the leader, whose role will be to do the bossing around for a set period. (For example only for the agreed clean-up time!) This will help the second in charge if they are given clear tasks – E.g. “John if you could vacuum and then set the table, while I peel these peppers.” Here the person taking orders doesn’t have to think, and this can be a real relief for the housework challenged.
It’s a good idea to sit down and have a chat about who does what and when. This will allow for clarity and reasonable expectations. Some couples naturally gravitate to self selection in the household task management. Say your husband likes doing all the cooking or your wife enjoys doing the shopping.
A conversation about your wishes will stop any resentment from bubbling up and help clarify things. Talk about what you don’t mind doing, what you may need help doing. Remember if you haven’t been taught how to clean a bathroom, or change the oil in the car then it won’t be part of your skillset. Lend your partner a hand and help them develop the art of domesticity in those areas.
Agree on Acceptable Standards
This will be part of the above conversation. Setting what are ok standards and expectations are involved in the cleaning process, so there is no let down. Be clear on how you both what things to be and what you don’t what. Sometimes this can be shown as a way to help your partner understand. Remember we may have different standards, that’s ok it’s finding the middle ground you both can live with.
Appreciate your mate’s efforts
It is great for a person’s effort to be noticed, especially if you want to see more of the behaviour you are praising. No criticism here, only express gratitude for the effort you have seen them make in their cleaning tasks. We all like positive strokes!