Philipa Thornton

April – No Monthly Challenge

Hi lovely relationship workers. It’s way into April and I have not been in touch, so sorry!

I do hope you and your loved ones are taking these unusual times with COVID 19 in your stride.

Here in Sydney at least the weather is beautiful and we can go for walks. I really miss going out to dinner, catching up with friends, the movies, and the beach.

In some ways the pace has slowed but in others the workload has increased for me – how about you guys?

There is no monthly challenge here from me at Marriage Works, as I believe these times are tough enough already.

All I hope is you offer your kind self both to yourself and others. Please reach out if you are on your lonesome.

Be gentle with each other, limit the analysis of stuck patterns for a while.

Go easy.

It’s super easy for stress and close proximity to make us tetchy. I know when I am tired I can be cranky, ask Chris!

The good thing though if I snap, he mostly won’t go there and vice versa. But it does happen.

Only watch the Tiger King - don't become one ! — Only watch the Tiger King on Netflix- don’t become one !

We are a bit like the caged Tigers in Tiger King.

My daughter sent me an Instagram add on where your picture can have the Joe Exotic features – blonde mullet, handlebar moustache and camouflage clothing. Hilarious and no I am not putting that pic of me up!

Yep, Netflix and Prime have been things that keep the pressure low.

What’s your favourite shows or movies? Love your recommendations.

Hang out with your partner and rediscover yourselves

Yesterday at the park we were watching children scooting around on their trikes. I learnt my husband Chris did not have a bicycle as a child. He did have a skate board – home made with metal wheels! How beautiful to share.

So go well, be kind and keep your immune system strong. Use this time to get to know your partner again in a slowed down world.

Please share your positive experiences in the comments box belong or Netflix recommends! With love and light xox

We are open & We will be OK

These are certainly unsettling times with this outbreak of Covid 19.

Remember it is a flu – most of us have had at some stage in our life, pretty yuk for sure but we recovered.

It’s vital as couple we turn towards each other. Your mate will have their unique point of view. It may not be yours.

This is the time to give ourselves a bit of a free pass on stress.

Be gentle, come together and the world can heal.

Help your spouse, your friends, family and community. This shifts our self focus.

As Brene Brown said we need not contract with social distancing and self isolation.

Community support in times of isolation is healing

Connection to others is the antidote.

If we can’t visit, we can pick up the phone, download an app, reach out.

Get in touch, tell someone you care, they need you.

I an on a local connection App. So touching to see people offering a helping hand to neighbours like running errands, dropping groceries for those in need.

Just as we saw when Australia was a bushfire inferno. Support, kindness and love abound.

Please let’s keep this spirit.

At Marriage Works we are open. Being a home office, there’s no large crowds and therefore less risk.

However we are happy to offer you the option of Telehealth, phone, or Online therapy. Easy for couples we can guide you how to set this up.

The Aljazeera news headline is heartening:

“In China, life returning to normal as coronavirus outbreak slows.”

Allow this to give you hope. We are likely to see a similar pattern of recovery.

We will be OK.

With love and light Philipa xox

Marriage Works COVID-19 Precautions

The safety and security of you, our clients is, and will always be, our highest priority.

You can be assured we are doing everything possible to ensure your safety.

We will be ok!

As we are currently being instructed to limit contact, I am offering clients the option of conducting our sessions online for those who prefer. Contact me below to arrange.

We feel this is the most respectful, responsible and sensible thing to do.

We encourage you stay home and self-isolate if you have any cold or flu-like symptoms or have traveled overseas in the last 14 days.

Marriage Works and Psych Solutions are actively following the NSW Government, Health Services and WHO guidelines and recommendations.

Here are the latest updates from the Australia Department of Health in line with WHO : https://www.health.gov.au/news/health-alerts/novel-coronavirus-2019-ncov-health-alert

It’s important to be alert but not alarmed. Health anxiety and fear can be debilitating.

There are things you can do :

Do what you always do to stay healthy.
Wash your hands often and long – sing happy birthday three times to yourself
Keep surfaces clean
Stay away from crowds when you can.
Drink plenty of water and eat nutritious foods to boost your immune system
Get fresh air and exercise regularly
Follow advice from official channels
Limit your media input – Facebook, emails, online, and television news
Use this as an opportunity to reset, revitalize and have quality family time

you can protect yourself by washing your hands regularly

If you have any concerns, please feel free to contact us and we can arrange your online support.

Call me Philipa 0434 559 011 or email me to set up your session Email philipathornton@gmail.com

#WewillbeOK

March Monthly Inspiration – Mirroring and a Couples Quiz.

Welcome to the March 2020 monthly relationship inspiration from Marriage works.

I’ve come straight from Yoga. Where my teacher got us to close our eyes and see what you don’t see, with your body, your mind and the people around you.

I loved this. Super hard in warrior three, standing in a t shape balancing on one leg. Wobbly!

It’s easy to miss what we see every day as we share our lives with our partners.

Familiarity cheats us. We get ever so slightly lazy in our thinking. Our mind leaps to the past, assumptions quickly jump in.

So I am asking you this month, in all your relationships to “See what you don’t see and hear what you don’t hear”.

Stay curious.

One vital tool Chris my husband and I use in our couple coaching is the Imago couple dialogue’s mirroring.

Mirroring is where we reflect back our partners sentences and tone, to ensure acknowledgement and validation.

It’s pretty much saying repeating our partners words back to them, with the same energy. It’s magical being acknowledged this way.

When your partner does this for you it’s super supportive.

Use this mirroring tool. Perhaps staying with the most important words.

When we mirror our partners responses we will feel really attuned and in stride with each other like these beautiful horses

Chris and also found this couples quiz. We had great fun last night.

Good news we know each other well. I still learnt something new.

You answer the questions and see how it fits.

I chose at random one of the cards to read out on : Marriage Works YouTube Channel

Listen if you want my answers. Here are the questions as promised in the video:

“How well do you know each other?”

Which celebrity does your partner think they most look like?

Who tells the best jokes?

Who takes longer to get ready?

What is your partners favorite band of all time? I got this wrong it’s not Led Zeppelin! https://youtu.be/NrBNOe15_qQ

Does your partner prefer cats or dogs?

Love to hear how you found this cute quiz. Please share your answers to encourage us!

https://youtu.be/NrBNOe15_qQ

Please Visit us https://MarriageWorks.com.au for Relationship Coaching, Saving Your Marriage From Divorce – The Last Resort Technique, Healing Your Heart for Partnership and loads more advice and information.

Blog: https://marriageworks.com.au/blog/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marriageworksoz/

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Twitter: https://twitter.com/philipathornton

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YouTube: https://youtu.be/BYpwSX5j0IE

My Husband, My Baseline. Here’s Why..

Last updated on March 1st, 2020 at 01:29 pm

Chris, my spouse is my standard for love and kind treatment. He is my lauchpad for care and respect.

In my rooms I see couples, lone partners and singles all striving for love.

Many times there’s a struggle to find self worth, value and a belief in ourselves as deserving of a loving happy relationship.

Things go off into the ditch.

This is when our negative patterns show up in partnerships.

We use the idea of a maximiser – the one who demands and speaks up. They are like the hailstorm and pour down harder to be heard.

Hailstorm Thunder of words can be overwhelming. This is a maximiser trait.

On the flip side is the minimiser. Their pattern is withdrawal. We call these guys the Turtle. They pull back into their shells protectively.

The turtle or tortoise withdraws to protect and minimise, usually invoking more thunder and hail! — The turtle or tortoise withdraws to protect and minimise, usually invoking more thunder and hail from the maximiser!

Whey I say this to couples they nod knowingly. They usually know whether they are a turtle or a hailstorm in their partnership.

I saw John Aiken pointing out this very dynamic on Married At First Sight. Boy what a hothouse for explosivity. Makes for TV ratings. I love that we are talking about relationships.

Time outs can protect us from the danger zone of escalation.

This dynamic becomes problematic when it goes off road in the ditch.

When harsh words are said against ones character, foul language and escalation happen.

We can quickly go to the danger zone.

While time outs are a useful tool and necessary tool. It’s vital we learn newer, safer, supportive ways of connecting and communicating.

Danger zone, the frontal lobe is off line we are coming form our reptilian brain. Attack and defend come naturally as our biology kicks in. — Danger zone, the frontal lobe is off line. We come from our reptilian brain. Attack and defend naturally occurs as our biology kicks in.

That’s why I coach couples dialogue in my sessions. So your can find a part to help you get your needs met.

You get real world skills to apply in your relationship when the sparks fly.

If a partner comes alone, I always will extend an invitation to attend. Some come, some don’t. Sometimes it’s a new beginning or the next stage in their partnership.

One gentleman I saw for 10-12 sessions solo, by the end of our work they were happily engaged. Gorgeous pictures of roses, rings and romance. Ah love my work!

Ah happy days wedding bliss loving couple

Occasionally my radar goes up where I hear contempt and threats. I gently query how the person feels on the end of this – this is the marker and what if any repair happens.

When there are excuses, blame and no accountability, I get concerned.

While I totally believe people can change. The proviso is they must want the change for themselves.

It’s usually then I point to a picture of us on our wedding day and say this is Chris. He would never say $%$^ to me. I have haven’t ever heard him use foul language apart from the rare stubbed toe expletive.

Chris wouldn’t ever say or treat me in that way. I trust him to support me and have my back. While we may not agree on everything, it’s all up for negotiation.

No he’s not an angel but he is good, kind and acts with restraint. Guess who’s the turtle here!

Respect is a cornerstone in a healthy relationship and it’s important we restore it quickly when it’s lost. No one’s perfect!

You are welcome to use Chris as a baseline too!

Ask yourself if there is a person or partnership you admire. Would they act that way, or say that ?

Perhaps we can require more of ourselves and our partners as we learn and grow together. Go gently and live fully. Yours in gratitude Philipa xox

I Dare you… Take a Risk Right Now Send this Text –

I was watching Mel Robbins (Thank you Mel, you are awesome in your practical real world advice) and she asked, no she DARED the audience to send a text to someone they care about, family, their partner, friend, a significant person who’s important to you.

Here’s what she said to text – ” What can I do to to be a better partner or friend to you?”

I dare you to send that text right now.

See what comes back – love to hear what you get back please drop a comment in the box below.

Mel and myself ask to to show you that the person you choose to send it to is the safest person on the planet to get feedback on. How special is that!

Notice what comes up for you in doing this exercise. Is a part of you critical? Perhaps you hear a voice saying that’s silly. This is likely our fearful part coming on line.

It’s taking a risk and we resist risk taking.

So our relationships stay shallow. We feel disconnected.

Break out and take a risk. Safety is key in connections and we get there by being vulnerable, kind and respectful.

So please send the text and let us know your responses and how it feels both sending and receiving. Drop a line in the comments section below. Share with others. Thanks Philipa

Hello February Marriage Works Monthly Fun Challenge

Hi beautiful Marriage Workers and by that I mean all of us in committed partnerships. Welcome to the second month of the year.

As we are starting to get back into the day to day runnings, I wondered if we might just keep a hold of the holiday spirit and keep the fun running. It’s good to keep the fun running!

Now this is the ultimate couple fun sky diving !

We crave novelty as a species and no more so than in relationships, that’s where affairs can happen. So what can you do to prevent doldrums?

Mix it up, break out of patterns by exploring your surrounds, learning something new or giving free reign to that desire you’ve held inside. Maybe you sky dive, perhaps you guys take a surf lesson. I did see an archery course on Groupon at Bondi, I think look like a fun time.

Sydney Aquarium date for February — Boy fish are hard to photograph. Always moving!

February Fun Challenge get out of your relationship rut by mixing up your routine. Captivate your mate by making a suggestion to do something out of your usual rounds. It can be as easy as a drive, a walk in a new park or beach. Or be a tourist in your city or town. We loved the Sydney aquarium. Love to hear your adventures please drop us a comment and share :))

Here’s my video

https://youtu.be/sJKjxJBAotw

Bye for now, yours in gratitude

My Best Articles of 2019 for You & Your Relationships.

As the new year begins, I thought it might be nice to highlight some of the best, most well received articles from the past year.

I have gone through the archives and found articles that gained positive feedback or were particularity powerful and interesting. Hopefully you’ll find a few old favourites here and come across something new to inspire you!

Let’s dive in :

This one is for those of us needing the Last Resort Program. Here you will find some more useful tips in applying this marriage saving technique https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/03/how-to-deal-with-the-i-love-yous-whilst-applying-the-last-resort-technique/

And here’s one for those of us who are Once were Worriers, when the worry has you trapped in a vicious cycle of procrastination, or frozen and let’s face it the festive season can amp this right up !https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/04/why-worry-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/

Perhaps these Millenials can teach us about Marriage Fidelity and Trust building ? https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/05/my-thoughts-on-why-millenials-are-cheating-less/

Are you getting the Love you Want? Check out the cheats guide to skipping therapy with a couples retreat to fast track your relationship repair here https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/07/getting-the-love-you-want-couples-workshop/

Infidelity is heartbreaking. Watch my Youtube here for help https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/08/infidelity-dilemmas/

Hold on to your marriage. See a marriage friendly therapist

A timely reminder to of the power of gratitude https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/11/thanks-giving-happy-november-monthlychallenge/

Happy New Year! Let 2020 be your best yet xox

Hi there, I hope you had a nice easing in for this decade. For us it was a quiet get together welcoming the Sydney New Year, with beautiful friends. Although a distance from the city we get glimpses of the fireworks on the harbour. Plus the ABC coverage on TV was impressive.

Impressive Sydney New Years Eve Harbour Bridge Fireworks

I am not really a fan of resolutions – it seems to set my rebellious part off and against me – – perhaps you can identify?

Or I start off well, going along for a bit in virtuosity only to collapse and rebound back into the unwanted pattern! Crap.

I like the idea of setting your intention/s – looking for want you want to have happen in the coming year. Remember the mind loves a guide, so make it positive. Be free spirited here, let loose your fun parts!

Set your intentions for 2020. Write down your wishlist. — Make some time for you to inspire yourself.

In line with this intention I write a wish list. In my 2020 diary I use one of those pages and head it up with 2020 Wishlist. I write all my hopes and dreams and make it big. Abandon all logic and let your mind free your creativity. I do this annually and it’s amazing what evolves. Love to hear your adventures.

A friend of mine likes to have a word for the year to contemplate. I usually need more than one. We had fortune cookies for NYE mine said ” You have all the wisdom of the ages at your command.” Super cool. So my words are inspired by this – Wisdom, Command and Faith.

Faith gives me hope and connects me to my brand of spirituality. I am part of a bigger universe. It’s not a religious aspect, more an awe of the divine in all of us. In my heart I believe all will be well. I have faith all will turn out for the best and people are ultimately kind. Rather like a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Can you relate?

Ebenezar Scrooge is visited by Marley his business partner weighted down with the chains forged in his lifetime. — Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by Marley his ghostly business partner, weighted down with the chains forged in his life. Charles Dicken’s story still tells the tale.

Wisdom is a wonderful word, it’s about that lived experience we all have had being on this planet. The learnings, the leavings, the lovings, and the leanings we edge toward. You will have your own special knowledge and well won wisenesses.

Command was a little challenging for me to put out there, the judgy part of me said it’s controlling. Reframe needed here. Command can encourage me into being a personal leader. Being the boss of me and what I choose and how I behave and respond. Engaging in my a personal power for good.

Marriage Works wishes you a happy new year, heralding in the 2020 decade.

So what are your your intentions? Your word or words for 2020 the beginning of this next decade? Please share and write them out in the comments box below.

With love and gratitude, Philipa and Chris from Marriage Works down under!

Happy December! Monthly Challenge -You Year Review.

Welcome to the month of December. I am a bit late guys sorry. I’ve been under the weather, doing renovations and the Christmas counselling rush which started in November is on.

December is the month which ushers us into the new year. Loving the ring of 2020, a new decade. This month is an ending of our 12. A good time to do a review.

Looking back in the mirror, how did you do?

What goals did you make?
What did you start?
What did you finish?
How is your health?
How is your relationship tracking?
What are your most proud of?
What are you least proud of?
How can you use the above to inspire yourself and take action/

This years goals for me were pretty huge. Chris and I bought an apartment. I started renovations and my goodness I hope they finish soon.

Health wise walking and dancing are a great thing. I am working on using mother natures guide bypassing intellect and using instinct to eat what my body tells me. Living food like carrots as opposed to chips.

My marriage has had trials with the property search that started in May. This and financial togetherness, organising a project brings out the best parts and occasionally cranky parts.

The loss of Taneisha has brought us closer. Watch this space as Yoda arrives for xmas.

Least proud of yelling at Chris, when I was tired and overwrought.

Useful to reflect on things Not me, but a cranky part is in the house

Proud of managing so many things. Buying and selling properties all in the last six weeks. It’s been a blitz.

Running Resource Therapy workshops and building them for next year in Bali in July. Overseas training is a huge undertaking.

Love to hear your lists and thoughts. So make this monthly challenge a review from the above. Remember it is more powerful putting pen to paper.

Please drop a line in the comments box and let us know xx Thanks for reading.

Yours in gratitude Philipa

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