Marriage saving advice – Marriage Works

Is It Too Late for Your Relationship? An Imago Psychologist Shares.

Have you ever wondered, if is it too late to save my relationship?

Whether you’re standing on the brink of separation, feeling emotionally disconnected, or simply stuck in patterns that no longer serve you, this question can haunt even the most loving couples. But here’s the good news: as long as two people are willing to show up, explore, and reconnect, it is never too late.

Relationships, much like life itself, are filled with seasons.

Some seasons are bursting with joy and connection, while others feel distant or fraught with challenge.

What if I told you that these challenging moments could become opportunities? By using proven methods like Imago Relationship Coaching and tools like the Last Resort Technique, you and your partner can rediscover the love that brought you together in the first place.

Let’s dive into why it’s never too late to revive a relationship and how these powerful approaches offer hope, healing, and a fresh perspective.

Why Do We Feel It Might Be Too Late?

First, let’s acknowledge the emotional exhaustion that often leads to this question. Whether it’s unresolved arguments, infidelity, or years of unspoken resentment, couples can reach a point where giving up feels easier than holding on.

There may even be a sense of defeat: “We’ve tried everything. Why bother?”

But relationships don’t falter because of a lack of love. More often, it’s because the love has become obscured beneath layers of misunderstanding, complaint, criticism, hurt, and unhealed wounds.

This is where a fresh approach can shift everything.

Imago Coaching: From Conflict to Connection

Developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Relationship Therapy has transformed relationships around the globe. It works on the understanding that:

Conflict in a relationship is not a sign of incompatibility; it’s an invitation to grow.
The root of many disagreements stems from unmet childhood needs or unconscious emotional triggers.
Lost parts that have adapted to protect us.

Imago offers couples the tools to:

Communicate effectively – Instead of pointing fingers or falling into old patterns, Imago introduces the structured Intentional Dialogue technique. This allows partners to truly hear each other—sometimes for the first time in years. You’ll learn how to speak with vulnerability and listen with empathy, creating a safe space for honest connection.
Understand your partner’s world – By uncovering the deeper reasons behind your reactions, you gain clarity on why conflicts happen and how to respond with compassion rather than defensiveness.
Reconnect emotionally – When couples are stuck in resentment, affection and intimacy often fall by the wayside. Imago focuses on rebuilding emotional safety so partners can open their hearts again.

The beauty of Imago Therapy is its emphasis on hope.

It doesn’t matter how far apart you feel or how long you’ve struggled. If you are both willing to step into the process, healing is possible.

The Last Resort Technique: When One Partner Has Checked Out

Sometimes, one person feels done with the relationship while the other wants to fight for it. This can be a deeply painful place to be. Enter the Last Resort Technique.

Popularised in relationship coaching circles, Michelle Weiner Davis’s Last Resort Technique is a series of steps designed for situations where one partner has emotionally (or physically) checked out.

It focuses on personal growth, self-responsibility, and changing the dynamic—often sparking a shift in the relationship itself.

Here’s how it works:

Stop pursuing or begging – Desperation or pushing only drives a disconnected partner further away. Instead, focus on yourself and your own well-being.
Get back to being your best self – By rediscovering your joy, confidence, and individuality, you not only improve your own life but also create a more attractive and inspiring energy.
Offer positive interactions – Small, kind gestures and moments of genuine connection can help shift the energy in the relationship.

This technique is about taking radical responsibility for your side of the dynamic. While it doesn’t guarantee results, it has reignited countless relationships where hope seemed lost.

A New Perspective: The Relationship as a Mirror

Both Imago Therapy and the Last Resort Technique operate on a shared understanding: relationships are mirrors. Your partner reflects back parts of yourself that need attention, healing, and growth. This perspective is powerful because it moves away from blame and instead focuses on opportunity.

What if your current struggles are not the end, but rather an invitation? What if the relationship you want is still waiting on the other side of healing?

It’s Never Too Late to Choose Love

There is no timeline for change. Whether you’ve been together for two years or two decades, the opportunity to reconnect remains. Even couples who felt utterly lost have rediscovered joy and intimacy by committing to the process.

Here’s what I often tell my clients:

It’s not about who you were yesterday; it’s about who you choose to be today.

If you’re struggling in your relationship, I invite you to consider Imago Couples Therapy or the Last Resort Technique. These approaches are not about placing blame or finding quick fixes. Instead, they offer practical tools and insights to help you rebuild understanding, trust, and love.

Take the First Step

If you’re feeling disconnected or uncertain about your relationship’s future, remember—it’s not too late. Even the smallest shift in perspective can create ripples of change.

Reach out to a qualified Imago Couples Therapist or explore resources like the Last Resort Technique. Invest in yourself, your partner, and the love you share. Because at the end of the day, love is always worth fighting for.

Are you ready to rediscover connection and joy in your relationship? Let’s start the journey together. Contact us today to learn more about Imago Couples Therapy and how it can help you and your partner reconnect in ways you never thought possible.

Your relationship deserves it. You deserve it.

Philipa Thornton,

Your Imago Relationship Psychologist and Coach.

Your Attachment Style and the Success of Your Relationship: An Imago Therapy Perspective

The relationships we experienced in early life profoundly shape how we connect with others in adulthood. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I often see attachment styles as the foundation for understanding relational dynamics. Imago therapy beautifully integrates attachment theory, helping couples transform their connection by uncovering how childhood experiences influence their patterns of love.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where your partner felt emotionally unavailable? Or perhaps you’ve felt drained by a partner’s constant emotional demands? These patterns can leave you questioning yourself, wondering, “Why can’t I make relationships work?”

The answer lies in attachment theory, one of the most impactful frameworks in relational psychology. Imago therapy builds on this by exploring how unconscious dynamics from childhood play out in adult romantic relationships. By understanding and healing these patterns, you can create the secure, loving relationship you long for.

The Attachment Urge and Your Relationship Dynamics

In Imago therapy, we view romantic relationships as opportunities for healing childhood wounds. When your attachment system is activated, it’s often because your partner unknowingly mirrors unmet needs or painful memories from your early caregivers.

Ask yourself:

Were your caregivers emotionally available, inconsistent, or neglectful?
Who did you turn to when you were upset as a child?
Did you feel seen, heard, and valued—or left to fend for yourself?

These early experiences form your attachment style, shaping how you relate to romantic partners. There are four main adult attachment patterns, and understanding yours is key to shifting your relationship dynamics.

Attachment Styles in Imago Therapy

Attachment theory identifies secure and insecure attachment styles, each influencing how we navigate love.

Secure Attachment:
If your caregivers were responsive and attuned to your needs, you likely developed a secure attachment style. Secure individuals approach relationships with confidence, openness, and a belief that their partner will be there for them. Imago therapy supports couples in cultivating this security, even if it wasn’t part of their early experience.
Anxious Attachment:
Inconsistent caregiving often leads to anxious attachment, where individuals feel unsure about their partner’s availability. They may seek constant reassurance or cling to their partner, fearing abandonment. Imago therapy helps anxious individuals soothe these fears by fostering emotional safety and connection.
Avoidant Attachment:
Neglectful caregiving can lead to avoidant attachment, where individuals prize independence and struggle with vulnerability. They often keep their partners at arm’s length. Imago therapy gently challenges avoidant partners to open up, creating a safe space for emotional intimacy.
Disorganized Attachment:
Trauma, chaos, or abuse in childhood often leads to disorganized attachment. These individuals fear closeness but also crave it, resulting in a push-pull dynamic in relationships. Through the Imago dialogue process, couples can unpack these patterns and rebuild trust.

Healing Attachment Wounds Through Imago Therapy

The good news? Attachment styles are not fixed. With awareness and intentionality, you can shift toward secure attachment. Imago therapy offers a structured, compassionate approach to this transformation.

Here’s how:

Awareness: By identifying your attachment style and recognising how it plays out in your relationship, you gain clarity about your triggers and patterns.
Conscious Choices: Imago therapy encourages you to choose behaviours that build connection, even when old fears arise.
Reparenting: Through loving, responsive interactions, you and your partner can “reparent” each other, healing wounds from the past.
Safety: The Imago dialogue process fosters emotional safety, allowing both partners to feel seen, heard, and valued.

Choosing Connection Over Fear

Unhealthy relationship patterns often feel familiar because they echo our early experiences. Imago therapy invites couples to move beyond these unconscious reenactments, creating a relationship that feels both exciting and secure.

For those seeking love, choosing a partner with a secure attachment style—or working to develop security together—can profoundly impact your relational satisfaction. Healing doesn’t mean never feeling triggered; it means having the tools and support to navigate those triggers together.

Recommended Resources for Deeper Connection

If you’re curious about attachment and how it influences your relationship, consider these essential reads:

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt is the cornerstone book of Imago therapy, offering insights and exercises to transform your relationship.
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson: Learn how to use attachment principles to strengthen emotional bonds.
Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller: A primer on attachment styles and how they play out in adult relationships. Excellent for those on the dating apps.
Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin: A neurobiological approach to building secure, lasting relationships.

Your attachment style doesn’t define your destiny—it’s a starting point for growth. With awareness, effort, and the right support, you can rewrite your love story and create a relationship where you and your partner thrive.

Remember, your past may shape you, but it doesn’t have to limit you. In the safe container of an Imago relationship, healing and connection are always possible.

Love to learn about your adventures. Especially if you have attended a Getting the Love You Want workshop. Great to know what happened for you both.

By Philipa Thornton, Psychologist & Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist

Supporting Relationships with Imago Principles: A Path to Connection

Relationships are a beautiful dance between two individuals, each bringing their unique experiences, values, and perspectives. But sometimes, navigating this dance can feel like a challenge, especially when misunderstandings, conflicts, or emotional disconnection arise. That’s where Imago Relationship Therapy steps in—a powerful approach designed to deepen connection, heal past wounds, and foster a more harmonious partnership.

At Marriage Works, we embrace the transformative principles of Imago Therapy to support couples on their journey toward thriving, loving relationships. Understanding and applying these principles can make all the difference if you’re facing a crossroads or want to deepen your bond.

What Is Imago Therapy?

Imago Therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, is built on the idea that we unconsciously seek partners who reflect our primary caregivers’ qualities (both positive and challenging). These dynamics often lead to familiar patterns in adult relationships. The good news? Imago Therapy offers tools to turn these patterns into opportunities for growth and connection.

Core Imago Principles to Enhance Your Relationship

Conscious Communication
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Imago principles emphasize intentional dialogue, a structured approach where partners take turns speaking and truly listening. This process fosters understanding, reduces defensiveness, and ensures both partners feel heard and valued.

How to Apply It:
Practice the “Intentional Imago Dialogue.” Start with mirroring your partner’s words, validate their feelings, and empathize with their experience. This creates a safe space for vulnerability and connection.

Understanding Triggers
In relationships, conflicts often stem from unresolved childhood wounds. Imago Therapy encourages couples to explore these triggers and recognise them as opportunities to heal and grow. By understanding the roots of your partner’s reactions, you can respond with compassion rather than defensiveness.

How to Apply It:
When tension arises, pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “What is this really about for me or my partner?” Discussing these deeper emotions can transform conflict into closeness. We can use either the Behaviour Change Request Dialogue or the Parent-Child dialogue.

Co-Creating a Vision
Relationships thrive when couples work together to build a shared vision. Imago Therapy inspires partners to move beyond power struggles and create a “conscious relationship” where mutual respect and growth are prioritised.

How to Apply It:
Sit down with your partner and discuss your dreams, goals, and what you both want to create in your relationship. Write it down and revisit it regularly as a couple. The Vision dialogue promotes hope and connection.

Reigniting Romance
Over time, the spark in relationships can dim, but Imago Therapy reminds us that romance is not a one-time event—it’s a practice. By intentionally investing in connection, couples can rediscover joy and intimacy.

How to Apply It:
Schedule regular “date nights” and surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures. Small acts of love nurture the bond and keep the romance alive. What are your caring behaviours, your love languages and most importantly what are your partners? Knowing these can reignite the romance.

Why Imago Principles Work

What makes Imago Therapy so effective is its focus on collaboration rather than blame. It helps couples view challenges as opportunities to heal and grow together, creating a foundation of mutual trust and understanding.

Take the Next Step

At Marriage Works, we offer Imago workshops and couples counselling tailored to help you apply these principles in your relationship. Our “Getting the Love You Want” workshops provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore their patterns, deepen their connection, and rediscover the love they share.

No matter where you are in your relationship journey, Imago principles can support you in building a partnership filled with joy, understanding, and love. Take the first step today—your relationship is worth it!

If you’re ready to transform your relationship, contact us at Marriage Works or sign up for our next couples workshop with the newsletter. Let’s work together to help you get the love you want.

With Love in the Real World,

Philipa & Chris

Understanding the Imago Relationship Therapy Model for Partnerships

Why Choose Imago as a Brief Relationship Coaching Model?

Our childhood, particularly our relationships with our parents and significant others, profoundly shapes our personalities and relationships in adulthood.

Imago Relationship Therapy, a holistic and structured therapeutic approach, uses this concept to support couple growth and connection. Designed to help couples reduce conflicts and improve their relationships, the Imago Model delves into early influences of our personality parts and how we can adapt for a new, healthier partnership with good tools and guidance.

What Is Imago Therapy?

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt developed Imago Therapy in the 1980s. The term “Imago” is Latin for ‘image,’ reflecting the idea that people are attracted to partners who mirror both the positive and negative traits of their childhood caregivers. As you can see we are drawn to seek and improve ourselves.

The theory acknowledges that early life experiences shape our understanding of love and safety. As adults, we unconsciously seek partners who resemble our parents, hoping to fulfil the unconscious image of love formed in our childhood.

Imago Therapy aims to help individuals address unresolved childhood issues and needs, making partners aware of how these experiences influence their current relationship dynamics. So when our partner is running late and hasn’t called us, our adult part can support us rather than our child part feeling abandoned. Or we can know our partners needs for reassurance come from their parents inability to tune into our unique aspects of ourselves. This is supremely freeing for both parties as you can imagine.

The therapist is your coach and guide, having completed many years of training. An Imago certified relationship psychologist will be using Imago both professionally and personally. Chris and I as a husband and wife team found this got us out of the hole we were stuck in. It’s a tried and true psychological method of relationship transformation for us. This is why we are so passionate sharing Imago with you!

The Core Principles of Imago Therapy

The Imago Therapy model is built on five fundamental principles:

Reimagining Your Partner as holding hurt from the past: Understanding your partner’s vulnerabilities rooted in their childhood experiences.
Rekindling Romance: Engaging in activities like giving gifts, surprising your partner, and appreciating each other to revive the romance in your relationship.
Transforming Disappointments and Frustrations: Converting complaints into constructive requests.
Managing Intense Emotions: Seeking solutions together to manage feelings. Learning to self-care and reset your nervous system from fight/flight/freeze responses and reactivity. Towards a calm and composed way of being, allowing us to reconnect with our rational thinking brain.
Re-envisioning Your Relationship: Viewing your relationship as a source of Joy, satisfaction, and safety.

Techniques in Imago Therapy

Imago Therapy employs various structured techniques to help couples reduce conflict and reconnect:

The Imago Dialogue: This structured process helps partners understand each other’s perspective better. During sessions, one partner shares their thoughts and feelings while the other listens without interruption, fostering a calm safe space for open and non-judgmental communication.
Mirroring: One partner reflects the words and emotional tone of the other without adding interpretation or judgment. This technique enhances understanding and allows for clarity. Offering you and your partner the opportunity to feel deeply heard and seen.
Empathy and Validation: These are crucial components of Imago Therapy. Through guided exercises, couples learn to empathise with each other’s experiences, validate their feelings, and respond with compassion rather than defensiveness, deepening their emotional connection. This is revitalising, as we are acknowledged and attuned to with care and kindness by our loved ones.
The Parent-Child Dialogue: Partners discuss their childhood experiences and feelings towards their parents or caregivers, leading to a better understanding of each other’s behaviours and needs. This offers a distance from past hurts and potential healing in the present.
Behaviour Change Requests: Partners take turns expressing what they would like their partner to improve, framed in a kind, and empathetic manner rather than the usual arguments with frustration or anger. Promoting conflict resolution in a safe environment.

Is Imago Therapy an Effective Short-Term Approach?

While research is limited, existing studies suggest that Imago Relationship Therapy is an effective approach for couples. A randomised control study the gold standard of research conducted by Gehlert, Schmidt, Giegerich, Luquet (2017) found that 12 weeks of Imago therapy for couples in distress seeking marital treatment was linked to improvements in relationship satisfaction. Their results demonstrated that individuals receiving Imago Relationship therapy showed statistically significant increases in marital satisfaction. Couples in the control group remained at the same level of distress.A qualitative study of meaningful data exploring 12 people of African and American heritage’s experience after completing Imago education/ Their data analysis saw improved communication between partners, increased understanding of self and partner, and their childhood experiences impact the relationship.

You and your partner sharing from your heart

We all deserve love and connection.

Why Choose Imago?

The Imago Model is a structured therapeutic approach designed to improve relationships by addressing the significant impact of early childhood experiences. It employs various techniques, such as the Imago Dialogue, behaviour change requests, and parent-child dialogue, to facilitate communication and connection among partners. Research supports its effectiveness in enhancing communication and relationship satisfaction.

At Marriage Works, we are committed to helping couples navigate the complexities of their relationships with tools like Imago Therapy. By understanding and addressing the roots of relationship dynamics, we aim to foster deeper connections and lasting satisfaction in partnerships.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this,

With love and light Philipa and Chris.

References

Harville and Helen. What is Imago?
Martin TL, Bielawski DM. What is the African American’s experience following Imago education?. J Humanist Psychology. 2011;51(2):216-228. doi:10.1177/0022167809352379
Gehlert NC, Schmidt CD, Giegerich V, Luquet W. Randomized controlled trial of Imago relationship therapy: Exploring statistical and clinical significance. J Couple Relationship Therapy. 2017;16(3):188-209. doi:10.1080/15332691.2016.1253518

Additional Resources

Goodtherapy.org. Imago relationship therapy. 2018.
Harville and Helen. What is imago?.
Reichlin, B. Imago dialogue: Building great communication. 2018.
Hendrix, H. Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. Henry Holt & Company, New York. 1988.

Unlock the Secrets to a Deeper Connection at Our “Getting the Love You Want” Weekend for Couples

Last updated on September 4th, 2024 at 09:57 am

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Are you and your partner looking for a transformative experience that will take your relationship to new heights? Join us for an enriching two-day journey at our “Getting the Love You Want” Imago couples program, where we dedicate ourselves to mentoring your partnership toward deeper understanding, connection, and love.

The Power of Understanding and Connection

In every relationship, communication, and understanding are the bedrock of intimacy and growth. However, amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, these critical aspects can take a backseat, leading to feelings of disconnect and unfulfillment. This is where our program steps in, offering a sanctuary for couples to explore, understand, and reconnect with each other on a profound level.

What to Expect

Throughout this immersive weekend, you and your partner will embark on a guided exploration of your relationship, working together only facilitated by experts in couples therapy. Through a blend of interactive sessions, reflective exercises, and open , you’ll uncover the patterns that have shaped your partnership and learn practical tools to build a stronger, more resilient bond.

Interactive Sessions: Engage in dynamic activities designed to foster open communication and deepen emotional intimacy.
Reflective Exercises: Gain insights into your relationship dynamics and individual contributions, paving the way for meaningful change.
Open Discussions: Share experiences in a supportive environment, learning from other couples while reinforcing your journey.

Why “Getting the Love You Want”?

Our program is based on decades of psychological research and clinical experience, distilled into a powerful weekend that’s both enlightening and practical. Whether you’re navigating challenges or simply seeking to enhance your relationship, “Getting the Love You Want” provides a clear path forward. It’s more than a program; it’s an investment in the future of your partnership.

Your Mentors

Led by Philipa Thornton, a renowned psychologist specializing in couples therapy and Resource Therapy, and her team of expert therapists, you’re in compassionate and capable hands. With a rich background in EMDR, Imago Relationship Therapy, and a passion for fostering strong, healthy relationships, Philipa and her team offer a wealth of knowledge and support, guiding couples towards lasting love and understanding.

Join Us

Don’t miss this opportunity to transform your relationship and discover the love you’ve always wanted. Spaces are limited to ensure a personalized and intimate experience, so secure your spot today and embark on a journey of love, growth, and connection.

For more information and to register, visit our website. Let’s unlock the full potential of your partnership together.

Here’s a YouTube preview video from America’s Imago Relationship Therapy’s founders – Helen LaKelly-Hunt and Harville Hendrix. As a spouse, they live and love the Imago way. With Imago dialogues, a relationship vision and warm connection in their marriage.

Imago Relationship Therapists and married couple. Harville and Helen.

Deepening Bonds with Imago: Nurturing Empathy and Understanding in Relationships

By Philipa Thornton, Psychologist and Imago Relationship Therapy Expert

After decades as a psychologist specializing in relationship therapy, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless couples transform their relationships through Imago Relationship Therapy. This journey, both personal and professional, has been a testament to the power of understanding, empathy, and connection in fostering stronger bonds.

Understanding the Imago Concept

Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., is based on a simple yet profound idea: our intimate relationships mirror the needs, fears, and experiences of our childhood. The term ‘Imago,’ Latin for ‘image,’ refers to the subconscious image of familiar love we carry with us, shaped by early interactions with caregivers. This image often guides us unconsciously in choosing our partners.

Personal Journey with Imago

My experience with Imago started several years ago when I realized that the approach enriched my professional skills and illuminated my personal path. Like many, I discovered parts of my ‘Imago’ in my husband, leading us to a deeper understanding of each other’s worlds. Our communication improved significantly, fostering a relationship filled with more empathy and less conflict. It was amazing to share such a magical experience learning more about my spouse’s inner world.

Couples’ Transformations

What’s truly remarkable is watching couples experience their own transformations. One couple, struggling with repetitive arguments, learned through Imago to see beyond the surface-level issues. They uncovered deep-seated vulnerabilities, leading to a newfound appreciation, compassion, and for each other.

Another couple, on the brink of separation, found hope in Imago workshops. Getting the Love You Want offered a reconnecting healing weekend beginning a new journey toward a deeper sense of security in their partnership. They learned to communicate their needs and fears without judgment or defensiveness. This safe space for dialogue allowed them to rebuild their trust and intimacy.

Core Principles of Imago

Safe Communication: Imago emphasizes respectful and empathetic dialogue. Couples learn to express their feelings and needs without blame or criticism, creating a safe environment for both partners.
Understanding Childhood Influences: By exploring how our past shapes our present, couples gain insights into their behaviors and reactions. This understanding fosters compassion and reduces conflict.
Healing and Growth: Imago therapy is not just about resolving conflicts; it’s about growth and healing. Couples often find that as they work through their issues, they develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships. The benefits flow onto their children and the important others we all have in our lives.
Empathy and Validation: Learning to validate and empathize with each other’s experiences is a cornerstone of Imago. This process deepens emotional connections and fosters a supportive partnership. Being seen, heard, and valued is priceless.

Why Choose Imago Therapy?

Couples choose Imago because it offers more than a quick fix. It’s a journey towards a deeper, more meaningful connection. It’s suited for all stages of a relationship, whether you’re newly in love, navigating rough waters, or simply seeking to deepen your bond.

How important is it for you to be seen and supported in meaningful ways? With Imago Therapy you and your partner will know the real, loving you.

Final Thoughts

In my career, I’ve witnessed the transformative power of Imago Relationship Therapy firsthand. It’s a tool not just for resolving conflicts, but for building a foundation of understanding and empathy that can weather any storm. The rewards are immeasurable for couples willing to embark on this journey – a relationship based on true understanding, respect, and love.

Remember, the path to a fulfilling relationship is not always easy, but with the right tools and guidance, it’s certainly possible. If you’re interested in exploring Imago Relationship Therapy and coaching, feel free to reach out. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together. Both Chris my husband and I offer Imago Relational Coaching in person or online.

Woman wonder mother- Dame Valerie Adams -Sports legend

Oh, I was so inspired by Dame Valerie’s story and I am sure you will be too. Watching her life portrayed on the screen “More than Gold.” It really was.

I was in tears of connection at least four times. Poignant, powerful, and awesome. Her mother would be proud. Many of us who watch will resonate with her journey – loss, divorce, despair, devotion, mother guilt, birth, and trauma. Winning and losing. Performance pressure.

So let your heart be touched in this beautiful moving tale of 5 Olympic games and see a world-class athlete battle and become her personal best.

Dame Valerie Adams – loving mother, wife, friend and shotput legend of Aotearoa NZ.

Secrets of Successful Relationships

I can write them easily – Love, Respect, Friendship and Trust. Two dimensional words.

It’s the actions and responses that you show and share with your partner that can make or break your partnership. Are you a good friend?

Are you present, listening, showing care, curiosity and connection? Or are you just going through the motions as you walk through the door?

I am not talking about those still in the romance relationship phase here. This is where we are drugged with nature’s anesthesia as Harville Hendrix calls PEA – Phenylethylamine.

When the PEA wears off as it inevitably will, cracks appear. Our partner eats noisily, forgets to call, leaves without kissing you goodbye.

What attracted you initially now repels you.

All minor things but they build up. Resentment festers. If left too long it seems as if the D-word is the only option.

It’s not, change is possible.

How to Keep love alive after the honeymoon is over

Imago Couple Therapy is designed to help you gain skills, communicate, learn and grow together by applying loving, respectful, and trust-building practices.

So stop the resentment rot from setting in. See a relationship specialist today.

Only the other day in a couple therapy session, a husband and wife joined some of the dots on how their life patterns played out.

Husband said, ” Oh I used to take it personally when I imagined you were prioritizing your friends over me.” His Wife said “I can’t say no to my friends, I over-commit myself. I don’t want to let anyone down or it will feel like a failure to me.” Husband “I see now it’s you wanting to please everyone and where this comes from. What a lot of expectation pressure you put on yourself.” Both said they felt hopeful as this new perspective allowed more love and respect to build.

Relationships a two way street. Keep the avenues open with kindness, gratitude and generosity. Your partner will trigger you. Breathe to calm yourself. Use your words, actions, and deeds to inspire the love you want.

December Marriage Works

Christmas time can bring a load of feelings. For some of us these are heavy, painful and lonely times. For others, it’s a joyous celebration of connection.

My friend and eminent couples therapist Michele Weiner- Davis’ said at training, we as therapists need to be able to heal relationships. That includes our own circle.

Shutting off or cutting off as it is called in therapy speak it not the most healthy option. Real courage comes from working through the rupture in the relationship to repair and healing.

It is a bias of mine for families to have connections. So in this video, I will show you a Resource Therapy process for clarification. It’s a safe self-help action you can take. I give a quick demonstration.

I think it beats journalling ( although that is good too) as there is something unique in speaking this out with ourselves.

Note I am not suggesting you have the conversation with the person. Rather this is like the letter you write without sending. It is for you to gain insight and hopefully an emotional shift.
Love to hear how it went for you. please share your experiences.

Philipa Thornton is your Relationship Psychologist in Sydney, and now worldwide online. Philipa and her husband Chris Paulin run Marriage Works their busy private practice, helping couples re-pair with coupe therapy, heal marital issues to find relationship harmony. We assist singles em-power, heal, and develop healthy internal and external relationships.

My Best Articles of 2019 for You & Your Relationships.

As the new year begins, I thought it might be nice to highlight some of the best, most well received articles from the past year.

I have gone through the archives and found articles that gained positive feedback or were particularity powerful and interesting. Hopefully you’ll find a few old favourites here and come across something new to inspire you!

Let’s dive in :

This one is for those of us needing the Last Resort Program. Here you will find some more useful tips in applying this marriage saving technique https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/03/how-to-deal-with-the-i-love-yous-whilst-applying-the-last-resort-technique/

And here’s one for those of us who are Once were Worriers, when the worry has you trapped in a vicious cycle of procrastination, or frozen and let’s face it the festive season can amp this right up !https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/04/why-worry-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/

Perhaps these Millenials can teach us about Marriage Fidelity and Trust building ? https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/05/my-thoughts-on-why-millenials-are-cheating-less/

Are you getting the Love you Want? Check out the cheats guide to skipping therapy with a couples retreat to fast track your relationship repair here https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/07/getting-the-love-you-want-couples-workshop/

Infidelity is heartbreaking. Watch my Youtube here for help https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/08/infidelity-dilemmas/

Hold on to your marriage. See a marriage friendly therapist

A timely reminder to of the power of gratitude https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/11/thanks-giving-happy-november-monthlychallenge/

Tag: Marriage saving advice