Marriage saving advice – Marriage Works

Understanding the Imago Relationship Therapy Model for Partnerships

Why Choose Imago as a Brief Relationship Coaching Model?

Our childhood, particularly our relationships with our parents and significant others, profoundly shapes our personalities and relationships in adulthood.

Imago Relationship Therapy, a holistic and structured therapeutic approach, uses this concept to support couple growth and connection. Designed to help couples reduce conflicts and improve their relationships, the Imago Model delves into early influences of our personality parts and how we can adapt for a new, healthier partnership with good tools and guidance.

What Is Imago Therapy?

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt developed Imago Therapy in the 1980s. The term “Imago” is Latin for ‘image,’ reflecting the idea that people are attracted to partners who mirror both the positive and negative traits of their childhood caregivers. As you can see we are drawn to seek and improve ourselves.

The theory acknowledges that early life experiences shape our understanding of love and safety. As adults, we unconsciously seek partners who resemble our parents, hoping to fulfil the unconscious image of love formed in our childhood.

Imago Therapy aims to help individuals address unresolved childhood issues and needs, making partners aware of how these experiences influence their current relationship dynamics. So when our partner is running late and hasn’t called us, our adult part can support us rather than our child part feeling abandoned. Or we can know our partners needs for reassurance come from their parents inability to tune into our unique aspects of ourselves. This is supremely freeing for both parties as you can imagine.

The therapist is your coach and guide, having completed many years of training. An Imago certified relationship psychologist will be using Imago both professionally and personally. Chris and I as a husband and wife team found this got us out of the hole we were stuck in. It’s a tried and true psychological method of relationship transformation for us. This is why we are so passionate sharing Imago with you!

The Core Principles of Imago Therapy

The Imago Therapy model is built on five fundamental principles:

Reimagining Your Partner as holding hurt from the past: Understanding your partner’s vulnerabilities rooted in their childhood experiences.
Rekindling Romance: Engaging in activities like giving gifts, surprising your partner, and appreciating each other to revive the romance in your relationship.
Transforming Disappointments and Frustrations: Converting complaints into constructive requests.
Managing Intense Emotions: Seeking solutions together to manage feelings. Learning to self-care and reset your nervous system from fight/flight/freeze responses and reactivity. Towards a calm and composed way of being, allowing us to reconnect with our rational thinking brain.
Re-envisioning Your Relationship: Viewing your relationship as a source of Joy, satisfaction, and safety.

Techniques in Imago Therapy

Imago Therapy employs various structured techniques to help couples reduce conflict and reconnect:

The Imago Dialogue: This structured process helps partners understand each other’s perspective better. During sessions, one partner shares their thoughts and feelings while the other listens without interruption, fostering a calm safe space for open and non-judgmental communication.
Mirroring: One partner reflects the words and emotional tone of the other without adding interpretation or judgment. This technique enhances understanding and allows for clarity. Offering you and your partner the opportunity to feel deeply heard and seen.
Empathy and Validation: These are crucial components of Imago Therapy. Through guided exercises, couples learn to empathise with each other’s experiences, validate their feelings, and respond with compassion rather than defensiveness, deepening their emotional connection. This is revitalising, as we are acknowledged and attuned to with care and kindness by our loved ones.
The Parent-Child Dialogue: Partners discuss their childhood experiences and feelings towards their parents or caregivers, leading to a better understanding of each other’s behaviours and needs. This offers a distance from past hurts and potential healing in the present.
Behaviour Change Requests: Partners take turns expressing what they would like their partner to improve, framed in a kind, and empathetic manner rather than the usual arguments with frustration or anger. Promoting conflict resolution in a safe environment.

Is Imago Therapy an Effective Short-Term Approach?

While research is limited, existing studies suggest that Imago Relationship Therapy is an effective approach for couples. A randomised control study the gold standard of research conducted by Gehlert, Schmidt, Giegerich, Luquet (2017) found that 12 weeks of Imago therapy for couples in distress seeking marital treatment was linked to improvements in relationship satisfaction. Their results demonstrated that individuals receiving Imago Relationship therapy showed statistically significant increases in marital satisfaction. Couples in the control group remained at the same level of distress.A qualitative study of meaningful data exploring 12 people of African and American heritage’s experience after completing Imago education/ Their data analysis saw improved communication between partners, increased understanding of self and partner, and their childhood experiences impact the relationship.

You and your partner sharing from your heart

We all deserve love and connection.

Why Choose Imago?

The Imago Model is a structured therapeutic approach designed to improve relationships by addressing the significant impact of early childhood experiences. It employs various techniques, such as the Imago Dialogue, behaviour change requests, and parent-child dialogue, to facilitate communication and connection among partners. Research supports its effectiveness in enhancing communication and relationship satisfaction.

At Marriage Works, we are committed to helping couples navigate the complexities of their relationships with tools like Imago Therapy. By understanding and addressing the roots of relationship dynamics, we aim to foster deeper connections and lasting satisfaction in partnerships.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this,

With love and light Philipa and Chris.

References

Harville and Helen. What is Imago?
Martin TL, Bielawski DM. What is the African American’s experience following Imago education?. J Humanist Psychology. 2011;51(2):216-228. doi:10.1177/0022167809352379
Gehlert NC, Schmidt CD, Giegerich V, Luquet W. Randomized controlled trial of Imago relationship therapy: Exploring statistical and clinical significance. J Couple Relationship Therapy. 2017;16(3):188-209. doi:10.1080/15332691.2016.1253518

Additional Resources

Goodtherapy.org. Imago relationship therapy. 2018.
Harville and Helen. What is imago?.
Reichlin, B. Imago dialogue: Building great communication. 2018.
Hendrix, H. Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. Henry Holt & Company, New York. 1988.

Unlock the Secrets to a Deeper Connection at Our “Getting the Love You Want” Weekend for Couples

Last updated on September 4th, 2024 at 09:57 am

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Are you and your partner looking for a transformative experience that will take your relationship to new heights? Join us for an enriching two-day journey at our “Getting the Love You Want” Imago couples program, where we dedicate ourselves to mentoring your partnership toward deeper understanding, connection, and love.

The Power of Understanding and Connection

In every relationship, communication, and understanding are the bedrock of intimacy and growth. However, amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, these critical aspects can take a backseat, leading to feelings of disconnect and unfulfillment. This is where our program steps in, offering a sanctuary for couples to explore, understand, and reconnect with each other on a profound level.

What to Expect

Throughout this immersive weekend, you and your partner will embark on a guided exploration of your relationship, working together only facilitated by experts in couples therapy. Through a blend of interactive sessions, reflective exercises, and open , you’ll uncover the patterns that have shaped your partnership and learn practical tools to build a stronger, more resilient bond.

Interactive Sessions: Engage in dynamic activities designed to foster open communication and deepen emotional intimacy.
Reflective Exercises: Gain insights into your relationship dynamics and individual contributions, paving the way for meaningful change.
Open Discussions: Share experiences in a supportive environment, learning from other couples while reinforcing your journey.

Why “Getting the Love You Want”?

Our program is based on decades of psychological research and clinical experience, distilled into a powerful weekend that’s both enlightening and practical. Whether you’re navigating challenges or simply seeking to enhance your relationship, “Getting the Love You Want” provides a clear path forward. It’s more than a program; it’s an investment in the future of your partnership.

Your Mentors

Led by Philipa Thornton, a renowned psychologist specializing in couples therapy and Resource Therapy, and her team of expert therapists, you’re in compassionate and capable hands. With a rich background in EMDR, Imago Relationship Therapy, and a passion for fostering strong, healthy relationships, Philipa and her team offer a wealth of knowledge and support, guiding couples towards lasting love and understanding.

Join Us

Don’t miss this opportunity to transform your relationship and discover the love you’ve always wanted. Spaces are limited to ensure a personalized and intimate experience, so secure your spot today and embark on a journey of love, growth, and connection.

For more information and to register, visit our website. Let’s unlock the full potential of your partnership together.

Here’s a YouTube preview video from America’s Imago Relationship Therapy’s founders – Helen LaKelly-Hunt and Harville Hendrix. As a spouse, they live and love the Imago way. With Imago dialogues, a relationship vision and warm connection in their marriage.

Imago Relationship Therapists and married couple. Harville and Helen.

Deepening Bonds with Imago: Nurturing Empathy and Understanding in Relationships

By Philipa Thornton, Psychologist and Imago Relationship Therapy Expert

After decades as a psychologist specializing in relationship therapy, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless couples transform their relationships through Imago Relationship Therapy. This journey, both personal and professional, has been a testament to the power of understanding, empathy, and connection in fostering stronger bonds.

Understanding the Imago Concept

Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., is based on a simple yet profound idea: our intimate relationships mirror the needs, fears, and experiences of our childhood. The term ‘Imago,’ Latin for ‘image,’ refers to the subconscious image of familiar love we carry with us, shaped by early interactions with caregivers. This image often guides us unconsciously in choosing our partners.

Personal Journey with Imago

My experience with Imago started several years ago when I realized that the approach enriched my professional skills and illuminated my personal path. Like many, I discovered parts of my ‘Imago’ in my husband, leading us to a deeper understanding of each other’s worlds. Our communication improved significantly, fostering a relationship filled with more empathy and less conflict. It was amazing to share such a magical experience learning more about my spouse’s inner world.

Couples’ Transformations

What’s truly remarkable is watching couples experience their own transformations. One couple, struggling with repetitive arguments, learned through Imago to see beyond the surface-level issues. They uncovered deep-seated vulnerabilities, leading to a newfound appreciation, compassion, and for each other.

Another couple, on the brink of separation, found hope in Imago workshops. Getting the Love You Want offered a reconnecting healing weekend beginning a new journey toward a deeper sense of security in their partnership. They learned to communicate their needs and fears without judgment or defensiveness. This safe space for dialogue allowed them to rebuild their trust and intimacy.

Core Principles of Imago

Safe Communication: Imago emphasizes respectful and empathetic dialogue. Couples learn to express their feelings and needs without blame or criticism, creating a safe environment for both partners.
Understanding Childhood Influences: By exploring how our past shapes our present, couples gain insights into their behaviors and reactions. This understanding fosters compassion and reduces conflict.
Healing and Growth: Imago therapy is not just about resolving conflicts; it’s about growth and healing. Couples often find that as they work through their issues, they develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships. The benefits flow onto their children and the important others we all have in our lives.
Empathy and Validation: Learning to validate and empathize with each other’s experiences is a cornerstone of Imago. This process deepens emotional connections and fosters a supportive partnership. Being seen, heard, and valued is priceless.

Why Choose Imago Therapy?

Couples choose Imago because it offers more than a quick fix. It’s a journey towards a deeper, more meaningful connection. It’s suited for all stages of a relationship, whether you’re newly in love, navigating rough waters, or simply seeking to deepen your bond.

How important is it for you to be seen and supported in meaningful ways? With Imago Therapy you and your partner will know the real, loving you.

Final Thoughts

In my career, I’ve witnessed the transformative power of Imago Relationship Therapy firsthand. It’s a tool not just for resolving conflicts, but for building a foundation of understanding and empathy that can weather any storm. The rewards are immeasurable for couples willing to embark on this journey – a relationship based on true understanding, respect, and love.

Remember, the path to a fulfilling relationship is not always easy, but with the right tools and guidance, it’s certainly possible. If you’re interested in exploring Imago Relationship Therapy and coaching, feel free to reach out. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together. Both Chris my husband and I offer Imago Relational Coaching in person or online.

Woman wonder mother- Dame Valerie Adams -Sports legend

Oh, I was so inspired by Dame Valerie’s story and I am sure you will be too. Watching her life portrayed on the screen “More than Gold.” It really was.

I was in tears of connection at least four times. Poignant, powerful, and awesome. Her mother would be proud. Many of us who watch will resonate with her journey – loss, divorce, despair, devotion, mother guilt, birth, and trauma. Winning and losing. Performance pressure.

So let your heart be touched in this beautiful moving tale of 5 Olympic games and see a world-class athlete battle and become her personal best.

Dame Valerie Adams – loving mother, wife, friend and shotput legend of Aotearoa NZ.

Secrets of Successful Relationships

I can write them easily – Love, Respect, Friendship and Trust. Two dimensional words.

It’s the actions and responses that you show and share with your partner that can make or break your partnership. Are you a good friend?

Are you present, listening, showing care, curiosity and connection? Or are you just going through the motions as you walk through the door?

I am not talking about those still in the romance relationship phase here. This is where we are drugged with nature’s anesthesia as Harville Hendrix calls PEA – Phenylethylamine.

When the PEA wears off as it inevitably will, cracks appear. Our partner eats noisily, forgets to call, leaves without kissing you goodbye.

What attracted you initially now repels you.

All minor things but they build up. Resentment festers. If left too long it seems as if the D-word is the only option.

It’s not, change is possible.

How to Keep love alive after the honeymoon is over

Imago Couple Therapy is designed to help you gain skills, communicate, learn and grow together by applying loving, respectful, and trust-building practices.

So stop the resentment rot from setting in. See a relationship specialist today.

Only the other day in a couple therapy session, a husband and wife joined some of the dots on how their life patterns played out.

Husband said, ” Oh I used to take it personally when I imagined you were prioritizing your friends over me.” His Wife said “I can’t say no to my friends, I over-commit myself. I don’t want to let anyone down or it will feel like a failure to me.” Husband “I see now it’s you wanting to please everyone and where this comes from. What a lot of expectation pressure you put on yourself.” Both said they felt hopeful as this new perspective allowed more love and respect to build.

Relationships a two way street. Keep the avenues open with kindness, gratitude and generosity. Your partner will trigger you. Breathe to calm yourself. Use your words, actions, and deeds to inspire the love you want.

December Marriage Works

Christmas time can bring a load of feelings. For some of us these are heavy, painful and lonely times. For others, it’s a joyous celebration of connection.

My friend and eminent couples therapist Michele Weiner- Davis’ said at training, we as therapists need to be able to heal relationships. That includes our own circle.

Shutting off or cutting off as it is called in therapy speak it not the most healthy option. Real courage comes from working through the rupture in the relationship to repair and healing.

It is a bias of mine for families to have connections. So in this video, I will show you a Resource Therapy process for clarification. It’s a safe self-help action you can take. I give a quick demonstration.

I think it beats journalling ( although that is good too) as there is something unique in speaking this out with ourselves.

Note I am not suggesting you have the conversation with the person. Rather this is like the letter you write without sending. It is for you to gain insight and hopefully an emotional shift.
Love to hear how it went for you. please share your experiences.

Philipa Thornton is your Relationship Psychologist in Sydney, and now worldwide online. Philipa and her husband Chris Paulin run Marriage Works their busy private practice, helping couples re-pair with coupe therapy, heal marital issues to find relationship harmony. We assist singles em-power, heal, and develop healthy internal and external relationships.

My Best Articles of 2019 for You & Your Relationships.

As the new year begins, I thought it might be nice to highlight some of the best, most well received articles from the past year.

I have gone through the archives and found articles that gained positive feedback or were particularity powerful and interesting. Hopefully you’ll find a few old favourites here and come across something new to inspire you!

Let’s dive in :

This one is for those of us needing the Last Resort Program. Here you will find some more useful tips in applying this marriage saving technique https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/03/how-to-deal-with-the-i-love-yous-whilst-applying-the-last-resort-technique/

And here’s one for those of us who are Once were Worriers, when the worry has you trapped in a vicious cycle of procrastination, or frozen and let’s face it the festive season can amp this right up !https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/04/why-worry-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/

Perhaps these Millenials can teach us about Marriage Fidelity and Trust building ? https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/05/my-thoughts-on-why-millenials-are-cheating-less/

Are you getting the Love you Want? Check out the cheats guide to skipping therapy with a couples retreat to fast track your relationship repair here https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/07/getting-the-love-you-want-couples-workshop/

Infidelity is heartbreaking. Watch my Youtube here for help https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/08/infidelity-dilemmas/

Hold on to your marriage. See a marriage friendly therapist

A timely reminder to of the power of gratitude https://marriageworks.com.au/2019/11/thanks-giving-happy-november-monthlychallenge/

Couple Coaching Helps -Don’t Leave It Too Late!

The best thing you can do for your relationship health and well being is to come in early. Relationships can be repaired. It is so much easier and quicker to learn new ways or communicating and relating before hard core patterns of hurt set in. Waiting for change won’t work and the alternative where there is a breakdown or a crisis like an affair will double or even treble the time, energy and money you will have to channel into your couple therapy.

Not only does all the research confirm this commonsense tells you the truth here. Come in before your spouse says they don’t love you or it’s over.

Why wait for that pain?

Perhaps you have already heard those words. Come in and improve your partnership today I have a quick 4 minute video here encouraging you to take action and save yourself heartache and pain plus money !

Make the call today – take action!

You want this to be a beautiful version of your future – look at this couple.

Live in love together to a ripe age and stage having fun in your marriage.

Zero Negativity! Your May Monthly Relationship Challenge

Welcome to May! Here in Sydney it’s Autumn and the darkness comes early. We’ve been blessed with lovely weather and sunny days as we have had Easter and Anzac Day to honour our war veterans.

This month I have been inspired to offer you the opportunity to say no to negativity in your relationship. As John Gottman -a legend in marital research and divorce saving techniques rightly points out criticism is toxic in partnershps and they believe it takes a 5:1 ratio of good comments to over come one negative one.

Make it Zero Negativity in your partnership for the month of May!

So give yourself a break and make it Zero! If you find yourself complaining remind yourself of what you are truly grateful in your marriage. For me I look at Chris and I feel gratitude at having a life companion, someone I enjoy spending time with. He’s a good kind husband.

So take the month of May Relationship Challenge and join me for Zero Negativity and increased positivity!

Love to hear your thoughts, ask your partner to join you or be a solo leader in deed. Please pass on the help by sharing.

Happy couple sharing their love and joy!

Here is my YouTube video for May :

https://youtu.be/wNp9eHZZmh

How did your 5 Love Language skills improve?

Hi there Philipa here, as the March monthly challenge nears to an end I wanted to check in. Recall I encouraged you to learn your partners connection vocabulary? The goal was to discover their two favourite dialects and speak their mother tongue.

I have been both slack and had the opportunity. Chris’s birthday is in March. He got the presents he asked for and more. I know he loves receiving a birthday card – in the mail. So I made sure I posted it in time for him to get to the letterbox. I spoke gifting.

He was great in that he told me what he wanted. You can’t expect your partner to read your mind. That’s a total set-up for let down. He let me know in advance what gifts he wanted, where he wanted to celebrate and even the cake he wanted. He is a darling! I talked actions of service and gifting.

I spoke to Chris using his vernacular Love for his birthday!

His other language words of affirmation I was not so great on. Writing this column reminds me.

A quick reminder of the 5 Love actions:

Words of Affirmation.

Acts of Service

Gifts

Physical Touch

Quality Time

Love to hear how your Love patter went with your partner. Did you notice your spouse responding? Perhaps it felt good to give? Comment below and I will respond. Thanks for taking the time to read. Philipa

Tag: Marriage saving advice

Understanding the Imago Relationship Therapy Model for Partnerships

Why Choose Imago as a Brief Relationship Coaching Model?