Philipa Thornton – Marriage Works

Engaged? Taylor & Travis just did it—here’s how to make your “yes” last

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce just announced their engagement 💍—cue the glitter, champagne, and endless playlists. If you’re newly engaged, too, congratulations! It’s a magical time, but let’s be honest: planning a wedding can bring as much stress as sparkle.

That’s where Imago Relationship Therapy gives you tools to laugh more, fight less, and grow a marriage that lasts.

At Marriage Works, we believe love lives in the everyday moments—what we call Love in the Real World. Here’s a playful guide to get started.

Talk so love doesn’t get lost in the planning

Wedding chat can turn tense fast (hello, guest lists 🙃). Imago dialogue slows things down so both of you feel heard:

Mirror: “I hear you saying…”
Validate: “That makes sense or I can understand …”
Empathise: “I imagine you might be feeling…”

✨ Try this tonight: Pick one tiny topic (cake flavour, song choice) and practise the three steps. If you end up laughing—bonus points.

Zero negativity (ZNP) = maximum fun

Stress brings snark. Imago’s Zero Negativity Pact helps keep it kind.
Swap: “You never help!”
For: “Would you be willing to call the florist by Friday?”

✨ Couple cue: If negativity sneaks in, one of you says, “Reset?” and you both start fresh.

Small rituals, big connection

Engagement isn’t just planning—it’s practice for the life ahead. Build mini-rituals now:

Daily appreciation: one thing you love about your partner (tiny and specific). E.g. I love you, bring me coffee in the morning, you are so thoughtful.
Weekly check-in: 30 minutes on connection, logistics, and dreams. E.g. What wins did we have this week? How can we celebrate?
Stretching: do one thing that matters to your partner—even if it’s not your style. (Yes, slow dancing in the kitchen counts 💃🕺.)

Why start before the wedding?

Because wedding stress is like a training ground. If you can practise dialogue, zero negativity, and tiny rituals now, you’ll be better prepared for the everyday joys (and bumps) of married life.

💌 Want more?

Join our newsletter Love in the Real World for bite-sized inspiration, real stories, and practical tips to keep your relationship thriving.

Getting the Love You Want: A Psychologist’s Journey Into One of the World’s Most Transformative Relationship Workshops

After decades of working as a psychologist, couples therapist, and trainer, I thought I had seen it all when it came to helping people reconnect. Then I experienced the Getting the Love You Want weekend Imago couples workshop. It was unlike anything I had ever encountered: powerful, practical, and deeply moving, and it changed the way I think about relationships, both in my professional work, and in my marriage.

Grounded in Imago Relationship Theory, and Therapy, this internationally acclaimed program is not only for romantic couples. It is equally powerful for therapists, friends, colleagues, parent–adult child pairs, and adult siblings anyone who wants to communicate more effectively, understand each other more deeply, and build a relationship that lasts.

Where it all Began – A Love Story with Challenges

The Getting the Love You Want workshop was created by Dr Harville Hendrix, and Dr Helen LaKelly Hunt in the late 1980s. Their vision grew from both professional expertise, and personal crisis.

At one point, Helen, and Harville’s marriage was on the brink of collapse. They had even flown to New York to tell their children they were divorcing. Before meeting them, they wandered into a bookstore. That chance moment sparked deep conversations about love, safety, and connection. From that turning point, they developed the concepts and practices that became Imago Relationship Therapy (Hendrix & Hunt, 2017).

Meeting Helen in Las Vegas

A few years ago, I had the privilege of meeting Helen at the Imago International Conference in Las Vegas. She shared that story with me in person, and her openness, humour, and hope struck me. Hearing directly from one of the founders reminded me that Imago is not just a therapy model. It is a lived experience, forged in the fire of real-life relationships.

From Pain to a Global Movement

Since its creation, Imago Relationship Therapy has grown into a worldwide movement helping couples, families, and communities. In recent years, Helen, and Harville have refined their work into the 5Rs framework, a clear roadmap for creating and sustaining safe, connected relationships (Hendrix & Hunt, 2021).

The 5Rs: a Roadmap for Re-Connection

When you attend the workshop, you are guided through five key steps:

Re-Commit – Making a conscious choice to invest in your relationship.
Re-Image – Seeing each other with fresh eyes, free from past assumptions.
Re-Structure – Learning the Intentional Dialogue, a structured way to speak and listen without defensiveness.
Re-Romanticise – Rebuilding joy, appreciation, and playfulness.
Re-Vision – Creating a shared vision for the future you both want.

Each step is practised in real time with your partner, colleague, or family member, so you leave not just inspired but equipped with tools you can use immediately. The bonus of having your personal workshop manual to refer to post-workshop is undeniable.

Common Fears

Many people hesitate before attending, wondering:

Will we have to share personal details in front of strangers?
No. This is not group therapy. All personal work happens privately in your pair.
Is group sharing mandatory?
No. Group sharing is optional and focuses on insights, not private stories.
What if we argue?
The safety and structure of the Intentional Dialogue mean reactive patterns are stopped before they spiral. Our team will be there to assist you. You don’t have to go it alone.

While you work privately, seeing others practise can be inspiring. Many participants say that witnessing another pair’s courage helps them believe change is possible in their relationship.

Each step is practised in real time with your partner, colleague or family member, so you leave not only inspired but also equipped with practical tools you can start using straight away. You will also take home your own workshop manual, a valuable resource you can return to again and again to keep building your connection long after the workshop ends.

Is it Only for Couples?

While many people attend with their romantic partner, the workshop is equally powerful for:

Therapists attending with a colleague for professional development
Parent, and adult child pairs
Adult siblings
Friends or business partners wanting a deeper understanding and improved communication

Why this Work Matters to Me

As psychologists, and as a married couple, Chris, and I do not just teach relational skills; we use them. The Getting the Love You Want tools have helped us navigate differences, dramas, disconnects, deepen our understanding, and stay connected through the ups and downs of life.

Attending this weekend workshop with Chris years ago was so powerful, I am now on the journey to becoming a certified Getting the Love You Want Workshop presenter. My goal is to share this life-changing work with couples, families, and colleagues here in Australia soon.

Be the First to Know

If you are curious about the Getting the Love You Want workshop and would like to be the first to hear when I offer it, you can join my mailing list here for updates. I would love to one day meet you and share this wonderful journey with you.

References

Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2017). Doing Imago relationship therapy in the space-between: A clinician’s guide. Routledge.

Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2019). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples (20th anniversary ed.). St. Martin’s Griffin.

Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2021). The space between: The 5Rs of safe and connected relationships. Penguin.

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work (2nd ed.). Harmony.

Tatkin, S. (2016). Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger.

🧠 Why Deep Brain Reorienting Shifted Me Away From Polyvagal Theory

A psychologist’s reflection on the next evolution in trauma therapy

For years, I felt deeply aligned with Polyvagal Theory.
Stephen Porges’ work gave language to something many of us intuitively sensed in our clients: that trauma lives in the body. It offered a compassionate, neurobiological framework for understanding collapse, freeze, and our innate drive for safety. As a psychologist and trauma therapist, I found it invaluable.

But over time, something didn’t quite sit right.

Despite the framework and all the beautiful somatic tools, some clients weren’t shifting. They could explain their nervous system states, name when they were in dorsal vagal shutdown or sympathetic activation, and yet the core trauma imprint remained untouched.

They were working hard. I was working hard. But something was missing.

That’s when I discovered Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR).

✨ What DBR Showed Me That Polyvagal Theory Didn’t

DBR, developed by Scottish psychiatrist Dr Frank Corrigan (2017), is a neurophysiological trauma therapy that focuses on the moment of orienting that split-second reflex in the brainstem when the body turns its attention to something new, often unexpected.

In trauma, this orienting response is interrupted. The body tenses. The system prepares. Then something happens neglect, betrayal, pain, and the natural sequence is never completed. The emotion arrives before the body is ready.
The result is a neurological imprint: stuck, unfinished, and often beneath conscious awareness.

Corrigan’s model reframes fragmentation as an adaptive survival strategy rather than pathology. “Parts” develop to protect against overwhelming threat and attachment trauma. Through a neurobiological lens, he shows how subcortical orienting and defence systems including the brainstem, periaqueductal grey, and amygdala, drive dissociative phenomena, and how high-arousal procedural memory underpins many trauma symptoms. This understanding shifts the focus from story to sequence.

From a treatment perspective, Corrigan advocates prioritising safety, titration, and bottom-up processing. Rather than pushing clients into narrative exposure, the work involves tracking orienting reflexes and micro-movements until the nervous system can complete what it could not finish at the time of trauma. This approach aligns perfectly with DBR and explains why it reaches places other methods cannot.

Polyvagal Theory tells us: “We must help the body feel safe to regulate.”
DBR shows us: “We must help the body complete the sequence to heal.”

This isn’t just a theoretical difference.

Working with DBR, I began to understand that what’s often labelled as dysregulation or shutdown isn’t only about vagal tone. It’s an incomplete processing loop in the subcortical regions of the brain. It is pre-emotional, pre-narrative, and pre-interpretive.

And in session, when clients stay present with the orienting tension often felt in the forehead, eyes, jaw, neck or spine, we can gently help the system finish what it started. When that happens, the emotional charge dissolves. The trauma unwinds and processes naturally with the deep brain’s wisdom. There’s nothing to reframe, because there’s nothing left to process. Refreshingl,y clients often end the session with a new perspective on themselves aligning well with the work of Bruce Ecker (2012) on memory reconsolidation.

🧩 Why I No Longer Lead With Polyvagal Theory

I still value Polyvagal Theory. It opened the door to body-based work for many therapists and brought needed attention to the role of the autonomic nervous system in trauma.

But DBR has taken me, and my clients, deeper.

Here’s why I now lead with DBR:

It targets the origin of the trauma sequence, not just the symptoms
It bypasses narrative, allowing direct access to the body’s healing intelligence
It works at the subcortical level, before survival responses
The results are profound. Clients often say, “I didn’t know that was still in me, but now it’s gone”

As Corrigan, Fisher, and Nutt (2021) describe, trauma resolution isn’t about accessing memory content. It’s about restoring the sequence: orienting → affect → resolution. When that sequence is interrupted, no amount of insight or reprocessing will touch the core.

🧭 From Maps to Territory

Polyvagal Theory gave us a valuable map of the nervous system.
But DBR feels like the territory.

As a trauma psychologist, I care deeply about ethical, effective, and embodied healing.
I believe our work must remain curious, evidence-informed, and responsive to what the body needs — not just what our models tell us to look for.

DBR has shifted my clinical compass. It has helped me work more precisely with complex trauma, dissociation, and preverbal imprints.
I’ve never seen anything else reach so far beneath the surface with such gentle precision and long-term results.

📚 References

Corrigan, F. (2017). Personality fragmentation and complex trauma: A new perspective. London: Karnac Books.
Reframes fragmentation as adaptive, explains subcortical mechanisms such as the brainstem, periaqueductal grey, and amygdala, and advocates for safety, titration, and bottom-up processing in complex trauma work.

Corrigan, F., Fisher, J., & Nutt, D. (2021). Neurobiology and treatment of traumatic dissociation: Toward an embodied self. Cham: Springer.

Ecker, B., Ticic, R., & Hulley, L. (2012). Unlocking the emotional brain: Eliminating symptoms at their roots using memory reconsolidation. New York: Routledge.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York: W. W. Norton.

Why the Betrayed Partner Feels Stuck

Understanding Post‑Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) Through a Resource Therapy Lens

After infidelity, many betrayed partners report feeling paralysed, emotionally frozen between fear, longing, rage, and grief. This experience is often misunderstood as simply being “unable to move on.”

In reality, it reflects deep psychological trauma, increasingly recognised as Post‑Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD).

Using a parts-based framework, such as Resource Therapy (Emmerson, 2014), we can make sense of this stuckness, and offer compassionate, targeted strategies for healing.

What Is Post‑Infidelity Stress Disorder?

Post‑Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) is a non-diagnostic term originally coined by clinical psychologist Dennis Ortman to describe PTSD-like symptoms experienced after discovering infidelity (as cited in Gupta, 2023). While not recognised in the DSM-5, PISD has gained traction among therapists and betrayed partners as a meaningful way to understand the intense emotional trauma that can follow a relational betrayal.

Symptoms of PISD often mirror those of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and may include:

Hypervigilance and scanning for danger
Emotional reactivity or shutdown
Nightmares or mental replays
Anxiety, confusion, and numbness
Difficulty regulating trust—even in future relationships

These are not overreactions. They are survival responses from parts of the self trying to protect against further emotional injury (Emmerson, 2014; Gupta, 2023; Mays, 2023).

The Resource Therapy Perspective: Who’s on Deck?

In Resource Therapy, these trauma responses are understood as the voices of different Resource States—distinct personality parts that step forward to manage overwhelming emotional experiences.

For example:

The hypervigilant part may be a Retro Protector State constantly scanning for betrayal to prevent more pain.
The confused or foggy part may be a Vaded in Confusion State, frozen in endless loops of “Why did this happen?”
The collapsed or despairing part may be a Vaded in Rejection or Fear State, reliving past attachment injuries.

Each part has a role, a voice, and a need. When these parts are unacknowledged or unsupported, they dominate the inner world—leaving the person feeling overwhelmed, stuck, and emotionally hijacked.

Why the Tug-of-War Feels Impossible

One of the most painful patterns in betrayal trauma is the internal push-pull between:

“I want to stay, rebuild, and feel loved again…”
“I cannot trust them or feel safe anymore.”

In Resource Therapy, we understand this as either:

A Conflicted State, where two opposing Resource States are active at the same time—one pushing for reconnection, the other retreating in fear or anger
Or a Vaded in Confusion State, where a part is paralysed in uncertainty and emotional fog, looping endlessly through “Why?”

These States cannot be “thought out of” with logic. They require part-specific access, emotional witnessing, and therapeutic relief (Emmerson, 2014).

When Early Attachment Wounds Reactivate

Infidelity rarely exists in a vacuum. For many, it reactivates older attachment injuries—from inconsistent parenting, abandonment, conditional love, or emotional neglect. These early wounds get stirred up, making the betrayal feel existential (Johnson, 2019; Levine & Heller, 2010).

Resource Therapy allows us to identify and work with the exact part that holds those early experiences. That part can be accessed, heard, and updated with new corrective experiences—creating genuine healing repair, not just coping.

Hypervigilance Is Not “Crazy”—It’s Protective

Betrayal often leads to a surge in behaviours like:

Checking phones, emails, or locations
Replaying conversations
Watching for signs of micro-expression shifts or tone changes

These behaviours are sometimes labelled as “controlling” or “irrational.” But in Resource Therapy, we recognise these as the actions of Retro States—protector parts doing their best to avoid being blindsided again (Emmerson, 2014).

This is not pathology—it is protection.

The Physical Cost of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal does not just affect the mind—it shows up in the body. A 2024 study found that individuals who experienced infidelity were significantly more likely to report long-term physical symptoms such as:

Migraines
Cardiovascular strain
Gastrointestinal issues
Sleep disruption
Increased inflammatory responses (Oh & Hoy, 2024)

Even with strong external support, these physical manifestations can persist if the inner Resource States holding trauma are not accessed and treated.

Healing Is Possible—When the Right Part Is Heard

Traditional talk therapy may not reach the part of the self carrying the pain. This is where Resource Therapy offers a unique and effective solution.

Rather than working generically, RT provides part-specific, trauma-informed access:

Vivify the part that needs help
Bridge to the original wound or belief
Express safely and fully
Update the part with new resolution
Anchor the person back in conscious control and present-day safety

When the right part is seen and heard, the stuckness begins to shift. Integration replaces paralysis. Peace becomes possible.

You Are Not Broken—You Are Carrying Too Much

If you are a betrayed partner, know this: the way you feel makes sense. You are not weak. You are not overreacting. Your Resource parts are working hard to protect you.

And if you are a therapist, Resource Therapy gives you the tools to guide this healing journey with clarity, safety, and profound results.

🛋️ Want to Help Clients Heal After Betrayal?

Join the Clinical Resource Therapy Training
📅 Starts 31 August 2025 – Online
👩‍⚕️ With Philipa Thornton, Psychologist & RTI President
🌐 www.resourcetherapy.com.au

📚 References

Emmerson, G. J. (2014). Resource Therapy Primer, Old Golden Point Press.

Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal trauma: The logic of forgetting childhood abuse. Harvard University Press.

Gupta, S. (2023, November 15). Post-infidelity stress disorder: Symptoms, causes, and coping. VeryWell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057

Gunther, R. (2017, September 29). How infidelity causes post-traumatic stress disorder. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201709/how-infidelity-causes-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find—and keep—love. TarcherPerigee.

Mays, M. (2023). The betrayal bind: How to heal when the one you love the most hurts you the worst. Central Recovery Press.

Oh, V. Y. S., & Hoy, E. Q. W. (2024, May 10). Being cheated on is linked to lasting health problems, study shows. PsyPost. https://www.psypost.org/new-infidelity-research-shows-being-cheated-on-is-linked-to-lasting-health-problems

💔 When Something Breaks Between You: Why Relationship Ruptures Can Feel Like Trauma

By Philipa Thornton | MarriageWorks.com.au

You may have seen the viral kiss-cam clip from a Coldplay concert. A couple is caught on screen. Instead of leaning in, they freeze. Pull away. Their faces say it all—shock, fear, panic.

Social media lit up with theories. Was it an affair? A secret? A mistake caught live?

As a couples therapist, I saw something deeper:
A trauma response.
A nervous system overwhelmed.
A moment where the body said, “This is not safe.”

Because when trust is broken—publicly or privately—it can feel like an emotional earthquake.

🧠 Betrayal, Infidelity, and Secrets Can Mimic PTSD Symptoms

You do not need to go to war to experience trauma.
You only need to feel helpless, unsafe, or deeply hurt.

In relationships, this can look like:

Flashbacks or obsessive thoughts about what happened
Difficulty sleeping or eating
A constant feeling of walking on eggshells
Feeling numb, frozen, or overly reactive
Panic, dread, or emotional shutdown when triggered

These are not “overreactions”—they are your nervous system trying to protect you.

💬 “Why Can’t I Just Get Over It?”

I hear this all the time in my practice.
You may love your partner and still feel unsafe.
You may desperately want to move forward—but feel stuck in replay, confusion, or mistrust.

That is not weakness.
That is a trauma wound, calling for care—not criticism.

Whether it was a betrayal, infidelity, emotional withdrawal, or a rupture you cannot name—your pain is valid. And repair is possible.

🪷 The Healing Power of Therapy and Couples Work

When a relationship injury happens, many couples do not know how to repair it, especially when both are hurting.

That is where therapy or a workshop can help you:

Understand and name what happened (and what it meant to each of you)
Learn how to regulate intense emotions and triggers
Rebuild emotional safety, one interaction at a time
Create new ways of connecting with honesty and care

Therapy provides a safe, structured space for your nervous systems to settle—and for your hearts to open again.

💛 Your Pain Is Real. And So Is the Possibility of Repair.

If the kiss-cam story hit a nerve for you…
If you are still carrying the aftershocks of betrayal, secrecy, or silence…
Please know this:

You are not broken. And you are not alone.

With support, couples can navigate even the deepest pain toward trust, truth, and emotional reconnection.

If you are ready to begin, Chris and I are here.

Reach out today by calling or emailing us. We are here for you.

It’s Not About The Glass… Or Is It?

Why This Is How Your Marriage Ends Hits Home

By Philipa Thornton, Relationship Psychologist & Imago Couples Therapist
President, Resource Therapy International

If I could hand every couple I see one book to read before the wheels fall off, This Is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray would be high on the list.

Not because it is full of fluffy romantic advice. Not because it gives you a 5-step formula to “fix” your partner. But because it gets painfully real, surprisingly funny, and devastatingly accurate about what actually erodes love.

And spoiler alert – it is not the big betrayals or dramatic moments. It is the empty glass left on the bench after you have asked – again – for it to be put in the dishwasher.

📖 Featured Book: This Is How Your Marriage Ends by Matthew Fray

This is how your marraige ends a hopeful approach to saving relationships by matthew fFray — T

Click here to get your copy on Amazon

The Glass Isn’t The Problem – It’s What It Symbolises

Fray knows this because he lived it. A man who lost his marriage not in one catastrophic moment, but through hundreds of tiny, seemingly insignificant moments of “not getting it.” He thought he was a good husband. He was a good guy. But good intentions do not equal good impact.

The book opens with the story of the glass, how his wife asks him to put his used glass in the dishwasher. He doesn’t. She stops asking. And if you’ve ever had a partner, this hits you square in the chest. We all have our ‘glass’.

You can see both sides: the person who thinks “it’s just a glass, what’s the big deal?” and the partner who feels dismissed, disrespected, and unseen – again.

Fray writes with wit and self-deprecating charm, and beneath the humour lies something deeper: a call to wake up to how our everyday behaviours either build trust or slowly dismantle it. There’s hope here.

We Haven’t Been Taught How To Relationship

One of the most refreshing aspects of this book is that Fray doesn’t shame anyone. Instead, he shows us that most of us simply haven’t been taught the skills we need to do relationships well. This fits in with Imago Relationship Coaching beautifully –

We assume love is enough
We assume good intentions matter most
We assume that if something doesn’t make sense to us, it shouldn’t really matter

That – Fray argues – is where so many of us go wrong.

It is this lack of empathy in action that leads to resentment, disconnection, and heartbreak.

What I Love, And What I Recommend

As a couples therapist, I see this dynamic play out in session after session. It is rarely “infidelity”, “money”, or “sex” that is the true issue, though they may be symptoms.

The underlying cause is often this exact pattern Fray describes:

One partner raises a concern (e.g. the glass)
The other minimises it (“It’s not a big deal”)
The first feels dismissed, not heard
The cycle repeats
Resentment builds
Intimacy fades
And finally, someone says, “I just can’t do this anymore”

Fray writes in a way that is particularly accessible, especially for men and anyone who struggles to see how their good intentions can still cause harm. His voice reminds me of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson, and the relationship wisdom of The 5 Love Languages.

I especially offer this book to the men I coach who want to understand the nuances – what went wrong, and how to get it right moving forward. It invites insight and ownership, and it does so without shame or blame. It opens up reflection in a way that is honest and transformative.

You will laugh, and you will cringe. You might want to throw the book across the room (especially if your partner is reading it and starts underlining passages). But more than that, you will see yourself, and that is what makes this book so powerful.

Final Thoughts, And A Gentle Invitation

What Fray learned the hard way is something many of us need to learn, ideally before we lose what matters most. It is not just about putting the glass in the dishwasher. It is about showing that your partner’s feelings matter. That their needs matter. That they matter.

And yes, we can learn that.

Whether through books like this, or guided support such as our Imago workshops, therapy, or intensives, healing is possible – and deeply rewarding.

Because maybe – just maybe – this is how your marriage begins again.

Happy reading !

How Your Couples May Be Getting Stuck & What You Can Do About It

Last updated on August 14th, 2025 at 07:25 am

If you work with couples, you know the feeling.

You’ve introduced great tools. You’ve taught active listening, mirroring, and validating. You’ve helped them identify their cycles.

And yet… something still feels stuck.

One partner keeps shutting down. The other grows more reactive.

You’re managing emotional flare-ups, dissociation, blank stares – and despite your best efforts, it feels like you’re not getting to the root of the issue.

Sound familiar?

You are not alone.

Whether you are a seasoned couples therapist or new to relational work, these challenges are increasingly common. We know this from the ACES studies and neuroscience advances – trauma is everywhere. And they are often not a sign of clinical inadequacy, but of something deeper: unmet trauma showing up in the room.

That is why trauma-informed couples therapy is not just a buzzword – it is becoming an essential skillset for every therapist who works with relationships.

When Talk Therapy Is Not Enough

The traditional communication-based models – like Imago, EFT, Gottman, or PACT – are powerful. But when a client’s nervous system is overwhelmed by unresolved trauma, insight alone often does not land.

That is when you see:

Looping arguments that never resolve
One partner freezing or becoming flooded
Outbursts that seem out of proportion to the topic
Sessions where you leave drained or uncertain

This is where trauma-informed, body-aware approaches can create real shifts.

As trauma specialist and senior Imago therapist Maureen McEvoy says:

“When we integrate nervous system awareness and parts work into our couples sessions, we meet people where they are – not just where we want them to be.”

Why This Workshop Is A Must-Attend

We are thrilled to welcome Maureen McEvoy (Canada) to Sydney this November for a rare two-day workshop designed specifically for couples therapists:

🧠 Healing Trauma, Restoring Connection
🗓️ 8–9 November 2025 | 📍 Crow’s Nest Community Centre, Sydney
🌐 Book now to avoid disappointment

This is Maureen’s only Australian appearance in 2025, and it is a chance to learn directly from one of the field’s most integrative, compassionate, and experienced trainers.

She brings over 30 years of experience in:

Imago Relationship Therapy (Certified Senior Advanced)
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy
Somatic Experiencing
PACT
Creative approaches such as art therapy
Justice Institute trauma counselling education
Clinical supervision and therapist mentoring

Whether you are Imago-trained, PACT-oriented, EFT-inspired, or creatively curious, this training will enrich your practice.

Trauma healing. How Your Couples May Be Getting Stuck – And What You Can Do About It

What You Will Learn

In two experiential, practice-rich days, you will explore how to:

Work safely with trauma activation in the couple space
Identify trauma responses like freeze, fight, and dissociation in session
Use somatic and parts-based techniques to reach stuck clients
Integrate co-regulation tools and nervous system language into your framework
Support both partners while staying grounded and present yourself
Combine Imago, EFT, PACT, and other approaches through a trauma-informed lens

This workshop is not just about information – it is about transformation.

You will walk away with practical skills, renewed confidence, and a fresh sense of what is possible in your couples’ work.

Who It’s For

💪 You’re a couple’s therapist who has hit roadblocks in sessions
💪 You want to integrate body-based and trauma-informed tools into your relational work
💪 You feel a calling to deepen your presence and precision with complex couples
💪 You crave a training that is warm, experiential, and deeply practical

This training is open to therapists of all models and modalities. And if you are newer to couples work? It is the perfect foundation to build your confidence from the ground up.

Bonus Benefits

🟡 A beautiful Sydney weekend
Enjoy time with colleagues, connect with the Imago and wider therapy community, and take a tax-deductible CPD trip to a fabulous city.

🟡 Connection & Collegiality
Maureen’s teaching style is warm, inclusive, and collaborative. You will learn in a space where your experience is valued, and your questions are welcomed.

🟡 Practical Tools You Can Use Right Away
You will leave with worksheets, practices, and somatic tools ready to bring into your next session.

Final Places – Register Now

🎟️ Early bird price: $995 (ends 31 August)

This event is hosted by Philipa Thornton and Chris Paulin, wife and husband co-directors of the Australian Resource Therapy Institute. We are proud to bring this rare opportunity to the local community, and we look forward to welcoming you.

🌿Secure your seat now, spaces filling fast! Transform your couple’s work from stuck… to healing.

Re-Romanticising Your Relationship: Why Fun and Pleasure Matter

One of the most joyful concepts in Imago Relationship Therapy is re-romanticising. This concept involves intentionally reviving the spark, appreciation, and playfulness that often fade in long-term relationships.

If you have ever thought, “We love each other, but the fun has disappeared,” you are not alone.

Life gets busy. Stress, work, parenting, and emotional disconnection can take their toll.

But the good news is that connection and joy can return when we put intention behind our actions.

What Is Re-Romanticising?

In Imago Relationship Theory, re-romanticising is about reawakening positive energy in your relationship. It is not about grand gestures or manufactured romance. It is about making small, consistent choices that help your partner feel seen, valued, and loved.

Think of it as a return to those early days when everything felt exciting. But this time, you are doing it with deeper understanding and intention. You choose connection, even when it does not come easily.

Why Fun Is Foundational

One of the most overlooked ingredients in a healthy relationship is fun. Playful moments help us bond, regulate stress, and remember why we chose each other in the first place.

In our Marriage Works couples sessions, we often hear things like:

“We do not laugh together anymore.”
“We have lost our spark.”
“Everything feels like a to-do list.”

If this sounds familiar, it might be time to prioritise joy again. That can look as simple as:

Dancing in the kitchen
Sharing a funny memory or an inside joke
Sending a flirty message midday
Taking a walk without your phones
Playing a silly board game or card game

Joy is not frivolous. It is fuel for emotional safety, resilience, and intimacy.

Bringing Pleasure Back

Another part of re-romanticising is reconnecting physically and emotionally through pleasure. In long-term relationships, physical intimacy can become routine or even disappear altogether.

When we lose playfulness, desire often fades too. But pleasure can be a powerful way to reconnect. Not just sexually, but in all five senses. Holding hands. Making eye contact. Laughing and exploring touch in a non-pressured way.

This is where tools like OMGYes can make a real difference.

What Is OMGYes?

OMGYes is a research-based platform that explores what brings women physical pleasure. Based on findings from over 20,000 people, it offers videos, interviews, and interactive touchable tools that help users explore intimacy with confidence and clarity.

It is practical, inclusive, and designed to help couples talk more openly about what feels good.

Many of the couples we see use OMG Yes as a fun, non-threatening way to start conversations about sex and connection.

It is not therapy, but it can be a helpful complement to your journey together.

Limited-Time Sale Now On

At the time of writing, OMGYes is offering a 4th of July sale. If you are curious, now is a great time to explore it. We are not affiliated. We simply love anything that helps couples deepen their connection in real-world ways. No commission here, just a desire – excuse the pun, to share the fun.

A Challenge for You

Try this: do one thing this week to re-romanticise your relationship. Choose something fun, light, and a little bit unexpected.

Focus on connection, not perfection.

And if you would like structured support with your relationship, consider joining one of our Getting the Love You Want workshops. These transformative weekends help couples heal patterns, increase safety, and bring joy back into the relationship.

Because love is not just about staying together. It is about thriving together.

Philipa Thornton, psychologist and certified Imago Relationship Therapist at Marriage Works. We help couples reconnect through the power of intention, dialogue, and fun.

Why Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy Is the New Gold Standard, And How You Can Lead the Change

Last updated on August 14th, 2025 at 07:27 am

I am sure you see it, you hear it, in your therapy rooms, online – worldwide, one issue keeps showing up, and showing up hard: trauma.

Unhealed childhood wounds, nervous system shutdowns, and attachment ruptures are driving conflict, disconnection, and despair in modern relationships. As therapists, we witness couples struggling to love each other through the pain of their pasts.

Too often, we are left wondering: How do I help them heal together, not just survive apart?

That’s exactly what Healing Trauma, Restoring Connection, is here to answer.

🧠 The Heart of the Problem

Trauma, especially developmental or relational trauma, does not stay in the past. It lives in the present moment.

In tone of voice. In body posture. In the silence after a sigh.

When couples are trauma-triggered, logic disappears, and love is no longer safe. They move into fight, flight, freeze, flop, or fawn. Your therapeutic tools need to meet them there.

🛠️ This Is Where Real Change Begins

That’s why we’ve created a transformational two-day workshop designed specifically for psychologists, couples therapists, and trauma-informed practitioners:

Healing Trauma, Restoring Connection
📅 November 8–9, 2025
📍 Crow’s Nest Community Centre, Sydney
🕘 9.00 am – 5.00 pm each day

This is not just another CPD box to tick. This is the kind of professional development that changes your practice, and your confidence forever.

Led by Canadian trauma expert Maureen McEvoy, this workshop blends cutting-edge neuroscience, attachment theory, and parts-based therapy with experiential exercises and real-world skills. You’ll explore how to:

Identify trauma responses in relational conflict
Use co-regulation to create safety in the session
Integrate Imago, PACT, EFT, and creative approaches like art therapy
Work with disorganised attachment and somatic cues
Apply structured interventions that restore connection, not just communication

👩‍🏫 Why Maureen?

Maureen McEvoy is one of Canada’s most respected trauma clinicians, a Certified Advanced Imago Therapist, and an acclaimed educator at the Justice Institute of British Columbia. With over 30 years of experience and a heart as steady as her clinical wisdom, Maureen brings warmth, clarity, and humor to even the heaviest topics.

💡 Your Invitation to Step Forward

If you’ve been craving more confidence in trauma work…
If you’re ready to go beyond theory and into embodied skills…
If you want to bring depth and safety into the therapy room—consistently, safely, creatively…

This is your moment, dear couples therapists, couples curious psychologists, and counsellors.

📩 To register, email Philipa or visit Master Classes Couples Therapyist Training

🛑 Spaces are limited, and this is Maureen’s only Australian appearance in 2025.

Because the world needs more therapists who can hold trauma with courage, and guide couples back to each other.

QR Code for Australia’s Official Imago Association of Therapists

Last updated on May 19th, 2025 at 09:31 pm

Association of Imago Relationship Therapists Australia — Start your therapy journey here. For therapists learn Imago, connect with couples counsellors.

I often refer to Imago Therapy in my blog. That’ s because I use it personally and professionally. The skills I have learnt there have helped us so much. This is why I share this today, a list of beautiful therapists in Australia. The QR code that will take you directly to this amazing site.