Author: Philipa Thornton

Relationship Advice for Couples Counselling Sessions

Updated January 2025
Discover the secret to unlocking a deeper connection and getting the most out of relationship counselling. Let’s start your journey to love and understanding!

Bring Your Relationship Back to Love

If you’re reading this, you’ve taken the first courageous step toward strengthening your relationship. At Marriage Works, we want to assure you: you’re not alone.

Many couples come to us feeling stuck, uncertain, or disconnected. Whether you’re struggling with communication, intimacy, or trust, relationship counselling can transform your partnership and bring back the love you thought you’d lost.

Through evidence-based approaches like Imago Relationship Therapy, we’ll help you heal, reconnect, and create the relationship you’ve always wanted.

What is Couples Therapy, and How Can It Help?

Couples therapy, including Imago Therapy, focuses on:

  • Improving communication and reducing conflict.
  • Rebuilding trust after challenges like infidelity or betrayal.
  • Enhancing intimacy and emotional connection.
  • Understanding how past experiences influence your current dynamics.

Imago Therapy is particularly powerful because it shows you how to turn conflict into connection. By exploring the deeper needs behind your frustrations, you and your partner can build a relationship based on empathy, understanding, and love.

Your Guide to Thriving in Couples Counselling

1. Set Inspiring Goals

Start by envisioning the relationship you truly desire:

  • How do you want to feel in your partnership?
  • What kind of partner do you aspire to be?
  • What’s holding you back from achieving this vision?

When you focus on your personal growth, you’ll see incredible changes in your relationship.

2. Focus on Self-Reflection

Relationship counselling works best when you look inward. Instead of trying to change your partner, shift your energy to:

  • Understanding your triggers and emotional patterns.
  • Building healthier communication skills.
  • Nurturing your own emotional growth.

By focusing on your transformation, you create space for your partner to grow, too.

3. Prepare for Every Session

To get the most out of couples therapy:

  • Reflect on your progress and goals before each session.
  • Avoid dwelling solely on recent arguments. Instead, think about what you want to learn or achieve together.

Being intentional about your time in therapy will lead to breakthroughs that deepen your connection.

Imago Relationship Therapy: A Path to Hope and Healing

Have you ever felt like your arguments never get resolved, or that you and your partner just don’t understand each other? You’re not alone. These patterns are common, but they don’t have to define your relationship.

In Imago Therapy, we explore how early life experiences shape your relationship dynamics. Through tools like the Imago Dialogue, couples learn to:

  • Communicate with empathy and validation.
  • Heal past wounds that impact the present.
  • Turn conflict into an opportunity for growth and intimacy.

Imago Therapy is all about seeing your partner with fresh eyes and creating a safe, loving environment where both of you can thrive.

Building Hope in Your Relationship

Creating a strong, fulfilling partnership takes effort, but it’s absolutely worth it. Here’s how to stay hopeful and motivated:

  • Celebrate small wins: Every positive change, no matter how small, is a step forward.
  • Be patient with each other: Growth takes time, but the rewards are lasting.
  • Stay curious: Approach your partner with openness and a willingness to understand.

Remember, even the most challenging moments can bring you closer when you work as a team.

Common Questions Couples Ask About Counselling

  • “Can therapy help us save our relationship?” Yes, therapy provides tools to rebuild trust, improve communication, and heal from past hurts.
  • “How do we reconnect emotionally?” Therapies like Imago Relationship Therapy and Resource Therapy can help you rekindle intimacy and strengthen your bond.
  • “What if my partner isn’t ready for therapy?” You can still start the process of personal growth, solo. This often inspires your partner to join you on the journey.

Take the First Step Toward Love and Connection

At Marriage Works, we offer transformative therapies, including Imago Relationship Therapy, EMDR, DBR, and Resource Therapy, to help couples overcome challenges and create lasting, meaningful change.

Whether you’re looking to:

  • Improve communication and resolve conflicts.
  • Rebuild intimacy and trust.
  • Navigate life transitions like marriage, parenting, or retirement.

We’re here to support you every step of the way.

Start Your Journey Today

You deserve a relationship filled with love, trust, and connection. Don’t wait to make a change.

Call us today at 0434 559 011 for a free 15-minute consultation, or email Philipa Thornton at philipathornton@gmail.com.

Let’s work together to create the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

Big love to you all,
Philipa xx

11 Ways to Reflect on Your Intimate Relationship Through a Parts Therapy Lens

Goodbye 2024, hello 2025. It’s the perfect time to reflect on your most important relationship—your partnership. Relationships, like individuals, are made up of many “parts.” In Resource Therapy, we understand that each of us brings a collection of inner resources to the table, shaping how we love, connect, and respond to our partners.

But there’s another lens to consider: Imago Relationship Therapy. Imago helps us understand that the dynamics of our adult relationships are deeply influenced by the unmet needs and wounds of our childhood. These influences often determine which “parts” show up in our relationships—both the parts that nurture connection and the ones that may create distance or conflict.

By combining the insights of Resource Therapy and Imago, we can reflect on the interplay between our inner parts and the unconscious patterns that drive our interactions. This reflection allows us to deepen understanding, celebrate growth, and address areas where we long for greater connection or healing.

Here are 11 prompts to guide you and your partner in reflecting on your relationship this year.

1. Celebrate Your Wins as a Couple

What’s one thing you achieved together this year that made your relationship stronger?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: Which parts of each of you stepped forward to create this success—perhaps a collaborative or supportive part?
  • Imago Perspective: How did this achievement meet a need that stems from your childhood experiences?

2. A Moment You Felt Deeply Connected

When did you feel most aligned with your partner this year?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: What part of you stepped forward to enjoy or strengthen that moment?
  • Imago Perspective: How did that moment reflect a shared healing of unmet childhood needs?

3. How You Navigated a Challenge Together

What was a difficult moment or challenge you faced as a couple, and how did you get through it?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: Which parts of each of you supported resilience or contributed to tension?
  • Imago Perspective: How might this challenge have triggered old wounds, and how did you work together to repair and reconnect?

4. When Your Protective Parts Stepped In

Reflect on a time when your protective parts (e.g., defensiveness, withdrawal) showed up in your relationship.

  • Resource Therapy Insight: How did those parts affect your connection, and what might they have needed?
  • Imago Perspective: How do these protective behaviours link back to childhood survival patterns, and what understanding can you offer each other?

5. A Vulnerable Moment You Shared

When did you allow a vulnerable part of you to open up to your partner?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: How did your partner’s response impact that vulnerable part of you?
  • Imago Perspective: How did this moment create safety and healing in the relationship, and how can you continue to foster it?

6. How You Supported Each Other

What’s one way you showed up for your partner when they needed you?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: Which nurturing or compassionate parts of you stepped forward?
  • Imago Perspective: How did this act of support help meet a need your partner may have carried since childhood?

7. A Relationship Habit You Improved

What’s one habit or dynamic in your relationship that improved this year?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: Which parts of each of you contributed to making this change possible?
  • Imago Perspective: How did this shift address a recurring pattern or unmet need rooted in early relational experiences?

8. Where You Could Grow Together

What’s one area in your relationship where a part of you feels stuck or resistant?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: How can you work with these parts to support growth in the year ahead?
  • Imago Perspective: How might this area of resistance reflect a deeper unmet need for love, to be seen, heard or acknowledged, or fear that originated in childhood?

9. A Moment of Playfulness

When did your playful parts shine as a couple this year?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: How did those moments bring joy and lightness to your connection and what part of you was out on deck?
  • Imago Perspective: How do playful interactions help heal past wounds and create new, joyful experiences together?

10. The Role of Your Inner Critic

Reflect on a time when your inner critic or perfectionist part influenced how you interacted with your partner.

  • Resource Therapy Insight: How could you respond differently to this part in the future? Ask it what it needs…
  • Imago Perspective: How might this critical voice be tied to messages you internalised in childhood, and how can you offer yourself (and your partner) more compassion?

11. A Vision for Your Relationship in 2025

What’s one goal or dream a hopeful or inspired part of you has for your relationship in the year ahead?

  • Resource Therapy Insight: How can you nurture that vision together, encouraging the parts of you that want connection and growth?
  • Imago Perspective: How does this dream create opportunities for both of you to feel truly seen, valued, and safe?

Why Reflecting on Your Relationship Matters

Taking time to reflect on your relationship allows you to better understand how your inner world intersects with your partner’s. By recognising which parts of yourself and your partner have been most active this year—and exploring the unconscious patterns that drive your dynamics—you can create a deeper, more intentional connection.

These prompts are great for journaling, discussing during a quiet moment together, or even exploring in a therapy session. You don’t have to rush through all 11—just pick the ones that resonate and let them guide you.

Here’s to a new year filled with deeper connection, healing, and joy in your relationship! If these reflections sparked insight for you, I’d love to hear about it. Let’s keep building love that lasts. 💕

With Love, and Light,

Philipa

Celebrating You: A Heartfelt Thank You from Marriage Works

Hello, dear Marriage Works family,

As we reflect on this year and all the incredible stories we’ve been privileged to be a part of, we want to take a moment to celebrate you. Whether you’ve walked into our sessions as a couple, joined us for a workshop, or simply sought tools to strengthen your connection, you inspire us every day. Your courage, resilience, and commitment to love remind us why we do what we do.

At Marriage Works, our passion lies in helping couples like you rediscover the joy of connection. One of the cornerstones of our work is Imago Relationship Therapy, a transformative approach that has helped countless couples move from conflict to connection. Imago teaches us that the challenges we face in relationships often have roots in our past. By addressing these unconscious patterns, Imago provides a pathway to healing and deeper intimacy.

A key tool in Imago therapy is mirroring. This is a simple yet profound practice is often a game-changer for relationships. Mirroring involves deeply listening to your partner and reflecting back on what you’ve heard. It’s not just about repeating words—it’s about creating a space where both partners feel truly seen and heard.

So often, conflict arises not because we don’t care, but because we don’t feel understood. Mirroring bridges that gap. It slows down the conversation, reduces reactivity, and fosters empathy. When couples take the time to mirror, they step into each other’s world, acknowledging emotions and experiences without judgment. It’s a relationship-saving tool that helps break the cycle of blame and defensiveness.

We’ve witnessed incredible transformations when couples embrace mirroring. Partners who once felt miles apart suddenly find themselves reconnecting, often with tears of relief and joy. It’s a reminder that communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about listening with an open heart and a willingness to understand.

But we also know that the journey isn’t always easy. Some days, it feels like love is a mountain you’re climbing, with missteps, stumbles, and storms along the way. We want you to know that it’s okay to find the journey tough sometimes. Relationships, like life, have their ups and downs. The fact that you’re here, working on your connection, shows just how strong and determined you are.

Chris and I, along with the entire Marriage Works team, want to honour your effort. We see you showing up even when it’s hard, embracing vulnerability when it feels uncomfortable, and making space for growth when the world around you feels overwhelming. These are no small feats, and we applaud your dedication to each other and your shared future.

If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re barely hanging on, please know you’re not alone. Tough times can feel isolating, but they’re also an opportunity to lean into the love and support of your partner. And if you need a little extra guidance, we’re always here to help. Whether it’s through a one-on-one session or a transformative workshop, we’re committed to walking this path with you.

As we look ahead, we’re thrilled to continue offering opportunities to grow and connect, including our ‘Getting the Love You Want’ workshops and other programs designed to help you build the relationship of your dreams. Every story we share together enriches our journey, and we can’t wait to see what the future holds for each of you.

Thank you for trusting us with your hearts and your hopes. It’s a privilege to be part of your journey, and we’re so grateful for the love and energy you bring to Marriage Works.

With warmth and gratitude,
Philipa & Chris

P.S. If you’re ready for your next step, explore our workshops or reach out for a session. We’re here to help you create a love that lasts. ❤️

Harnessing Our Brain’s Power: DBR, The Secret to Success?

In the ever-evolving field of mental health, innovative therapies are revolutionising how we address stress, trauma and emotional distress. One such ground-breaking method is Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR), a therapy that taps into the brain’s foundational processes to facilitate profound healing.

As a Level 2 trained DBR therapist and psychologist, Philipa Thornton is uniquely equipped to guide individuals on their journey toward emotional freedom and resilience. This blog explores how DBR works and why it’s a transformative option for those seeking meaningful change.

What is Deep Brain Reorienting?

Deep Brain Reorienting, developed by Dr. Frank Corrigan, is a neurobiologically informed approach that focuses on the brainstem—the most primitive part of our brain. Unlike traditional therapies that address cognitive or behavioural symptoms, DBR engages with the body’s innate healing mechanisms to resolve trauma at its core.

This therapy identifies and releases deeply stored physical and emotional imprints, often stemming from overwhelming experiences that bypassed conscious processing. These unresolved imprints can manifest as persistent anxiety, emotional disconnection, relationship issues, or chronic patterns of stress.

How Does DBR Work?

DBR involves a structured yet gentle process of reconnecting with the body’s shock sensations linked to traumatic events or moments of grave concern. Through careful guidance, and therapist attunement individuals access the brainstem’s initial response to trauma, allowing the nervous system to reorganise and reprocess these experiences. This promotes emotional release and long-term balance.

For instance, if someone carries unresolved tension from an early life event, DBR helps access and integrate these implicit memories. By working at this foundational level, the therapy fosters emotional healing that is both deep and lasting.

Who Can Benefit from DBR?

Deep Brain Reorienting offers hope for individuals who:

  • Struggle with PTSD, emotional dysregulation, or chronic fear.
  • Experience anxiety or depression tied to unresolved past events.
  • Have attachment wounds originating in early relationships.
  • Feel stuck despite trying other therapeutic approaches.

As a therapy that connects directly with the brain’s autonomic responses, DBR is particularly effective for addressing pre-verbal trauma that may be inaccessible through conventional talk therapy.

The Science Behind DBR

DBR’s efficacy lies in its grounding in neuroscience. Trauma often disrupts the brain’s natural processes, leaving individuals in a state of hyperarousal or emotional shutdown (van der Kolk, 2015). DBR targets the brain stem to restore this disrupted balance, facilitating the integration of traumatic memories and enhancing overall well-being.

What to Expect in a DBR Session

In a safe and supportive environment, clients are guided to connect with their body’s sensations tied to past trauma. This somatic focus allows for the gentle release of deeply held emotional patterns. Memory reconsolidation occurs within the session. As a certified DBR practitioner, Philipa Thornton ensures that sessions are paced to prioritise safety and emotional comfort, fostering trust throughout the healing process and offering a new perspective.

Why Choose Deep Brain Reorienting with Philipa Thornton?

Philipa Thornton brings a wealth of expertise as a psychologist and Level 2 trained DBR therapist. Her compassionate approach ensures that each client receives personalised care tailored to their unique needs. DBR’s focus on the brain’s most fundamental layers enables transformative healing beyond surface-level change.

Whether you’re navigating the aftermath of trauma, seeking relief from chronic emotional pain, or looking to break free from old patterns, Philipa’s experience and dedication make her an exceptional guide on your journey toward emotional well-being.

Begin Your Healing Journey Today

Deep Brain Reorienting offers a path to profound and lasting change. Under the expert caring guidance of Philipa Thornton, you can access the brain’s innate capacity for healing and experience greater emotional freedom.

Contact us to learn more or schedule a consultation. Take the first step toward a brighter, more balanced future.

References:

  • van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
  • Corrigan, F. (2020). Deep Brain Reorienting: A New Model for Understanding and Treating Trauma.
  • Corrigan, F. M., & Christie-Sands, J. (2020). An innate brainstem self-other system involving orienting, affective responding, and polyvalent relational seeking: Some clinical implications for a “Deep Brain Reorienting” trauma psychotherapy approach. Medical Hypotheses, 136, 109502.

Is It Too Late for Your Relationship? An Imago Psychologist Shares.

Have you ever wondered, if is it too late to save my relationship?

Whether you’re standing on the brink of separation, feeling emotionally disconnected, or simply stuck in patterns that no longer serve you, this question can haunt even the most loving couples. But here’s the good news: as long as two people are willing to show up, explore, and reconnect, it is never too late.

Relationships, much like life itself, are filled with seasons.

Some seasons are bursting with joy and connection, while others feel distant or fraught with challenge.

What if I told you that these challenging moments could become opportunities? By using proven methods like Imago Relationship Coaching and tools like the Last Resort Technique, you and your partner can rediscover the love that brought you together in the first place.

Let’s dive into why it’s never too late to revive a relationship and how these powerful approaches offer hope, healing, and a fresh perspective.

Why Do We Feel It Might Be Too Late?

First, let’s acknowledge the emotional exhaustion that often leads to this question. Whether it’s unresolved arguments, infidelity, or years of unspoken resentment, couples can reach a point where giving up feels easier than holding on.

There may even be a sense of defeat: “We’ve tried everything. Why bother?”

But relationships don’t falter because of a lack of love. More often, it’s because the love has become obscured beneath layers of misunderstanding, complaint, criticism,  hurt, and unhealed wounds.

This is where a fresh approach can shift everything.

Imago Coaching: From Conflict to Connection

Developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Relationship Therapy has transformed relationships around the globe. It works on the understanding that:

  • Conflict in a relationship is not a sign of incompatibility; it’s an invitation to grow.
  • The root of many disagreements stems from unmet childhood needs or unconscious emotional triggers.
  • Lost parts that have adapted to protect us.

Imago offers couples the tools to:

  1. Communicate effectively – Instead of pointing fingers or falling into old patterns, Imago introduces the structured Intentional Dialogue technique. This allows partners to truly hear each other—sometimes for the first time in years. You’ll learn how to speak with vulnerability and listen with empathy, creating a safe space for honest connection.
  2. Understand your partner’s world – By uncovering the deeper reasons behind your reactions, you gain clarity on why conflicts happen and how to respond with compassion rather than defensiveness.
  3. Reconnect emotionally – When couples are stuck in resentment, affection and intimacy often fall by the wayside. Imago focuses on rebuilding emotional safety so partners can open their hearts again.

The beauty of Imago Therapy is its emphasis on hope.

It doesn’t matter how far apart you feel or how long you’ve struggled. If you are both willing to step into the process, healing is possible.

The Last Resort Technique: When One Partner Has Checked Out

Sometimes, one person feels done with the relationship while the other wants to fight for it. This can be a deeply painful place to be. Enter the Last Resort Technique.

Popularised in relationship coaching circles, Michelle Weiner Davis’s Last Resort Technique is a series of steps designed for situations where one partner has emotionally (or physically) checked out.

It focuses on personal growth, self-responsibility, and changing the dynamic—often sparking a shift in the relationship itself.

Here’s how it works:

  1. Stop pursuing or begging – Desperation or pushing only drives a disconnected partner further away. Instead, focus on yourself and your own well-being.
  2. Get back to being your best self – By rediscovering your joy, confidence, and individuality, you not only improve your own life but also create a more attractive and inspiring energy.
  3. Offer positive interactions – Small, kind gestures and moments of genuine connection can help shift the energy in the relationship.

This technique is about taking radical responsibility for your side of the dynamic. While it doesn’t guarantee results, it has reignited countless relationships where hope seemed lost.

A New Perspective: The Relationship as a Mirror

Both Imago Therapy and the Last Resort Technique operate on a shared understanding: relationships are mirrors. Your partner reflects back parts of yourself that need attention, healing, and growth. This perspective is powerful because it moves away from blame and instead focuses on opportunity.

What if your current struggles are not the end, but rather an invitation? What if the relationship you want is still waiting on the other side of healing?

It’s Never Too Late to Choose Love

There is no timeline for change. Whether you’ve been together for two years or two decades, the opportunity to reconnect remains. Even couples who felt utterly lost have rediscovered joy and intimacy by committing to the process.

Here’s what I often tell my clients:

It’s not about who you were yesterday; it’s about who you choose to be today.

If you’re struggling in your relationship, I invite you to consider Imago Couples Therapy or the Last Resort Technique. These approaches are not about placing blame or finding quick fixes. Instead, they offer practical tools and insights to help you rebuild understanding, trust, and love.

Take the First Step

If you’re feeling disconnected or uncertain about your relationship’s future, remember—it’s not too late. Even the smallest shift in perspective can create ripples of change.

Reach out to a qualified Imago Couples Therapist or explore resources like the Last Resort Technique. Invest in yourself, your partner, and the love you share. Because at the end of the day, love is always worth fighting for.

Are you ready to rediscover connection and joy in your relationship? Let’s start the journey together. Contact us today to learn more about Imago Couples Therapy and how it can help you and your partner reconnect in ways you never thought possible.

Your relationship deserves it. You deserve it.

Philipa Thornton,

Your Imago Relationship Psychologist and Coach.

The Power of Connection: How Imago Relationship Therapy Helps

Good communication is the heartbeat of any healthy relationship. Yet, many couples find themselves stuck in cycles of misunderstanding, conflict, or emotional disconnection, sadly.

This is where Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) can be a game changer.

By teaching practical, science-backed tools, IRT helps couples build understanding, empathy, and a deeper connection with one another.

Let’s explore how IRT transforms communication and offer a few tips you can apply right now in your relationship—no therapy session required!

How Imago Relationship Therapy Works

At its core, IRT is about fostering empathy and connection by understanding your partner’s inner world. The therapy was developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, who discovered through their partnership many of our conflicts in relationships stem from unmet childhood needs. This fits it with Attachment research. IRT helps couples move from blame and reactivity to a place of mutual understanding and care.

One of the hallmark tools of IRT is the Imago Dialogue—a structured conversation that promotes active listening, validation, and empathy. It empowers partners to truly hear each other, free from judgment, and communicate with intention and respect.

Why Communication Matters

Couples who communicate effectively are better equipped to navigate life’s challenges, resolve conflicts, and sustain emotional intimacy.

IRT improves communication by:

  • Teaching you to listen actively without interrupting.
  • Helping you validate your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t fully agree.
  • Encouraging empathy by asking, “What’s it like to be you?”

By addressing the root causes of misunderstandings, couples can foster a safe and loving environment where both partners feel seen and valued.

Tips to Use Imago Power Tools in Your Partnership

Even without attending therapy, you can integrate some of IRT’s powerful techniques into your relationship today.

  1. The Power of Mirroring
    When your partner speaks, repeat back what you hear before responding. For example, “What I hear you saying is…” This simple act ensures your partner feels understood and can clear up any miscommunication.
  2. Practice Validation
    After mirroring, acknowledge your partner’s perspective with a phrase like, “It makes sense that you feel that way.” Validation doesn’t mean agreeing—it’s about showing empathy and acknowledgment that is how your mate sees things.
  3. Schedule Safe Conversations
    Set aside a regular time each week to discuss your feelings, needs, and concerns. Create a space where both of you can share openly without fear of criticism. We call this the zero-negativity opportunity in Imago.
  4. Turn Complaints into Requests
    Instead of saying, “You never help around the house,” try reframing with a positive request: “It would mean so much to me if you could help with the dishes tonight.” This shifts the tone from blame to collaboration. Our partners usually want to help us and this allows them to know what you are wanting. We have to use words and if they are kind we are more likely to listen and take them on board.

Stay Connected with Love in the Real World

Building a strong, connected relationship takes work, but the rewards are immense. If you’re ready to deepen your bond and learn more tools to improve your relationship, couples workshop opportunities in person and online, sign up for our newsletter, Love in the Real World. Each month, we’ll send you practical tips, insights, and resources to nurture your partnership.

Sign up here for Love in the Real World Newsletter today

Because love, when nurtured with care and intention, is one of life’s greatest joys.

Warmest wishes,

Philipa and Chris xoxo

Your Attachment Style and the Success of Your Relationship: An Imago Therapy Perspective

The relationships we experienced in early life profoundly shape how we connect with others in adulthood. As an Imago Relationship Therapist, I often see attachment styles as the foundation for understanding relational dynamics. Imago therapy beautifully integrates attachment theory, helping couples transform their connection by uncovering how childhood experiences influence their patterns of love.

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where your partner felt emotionally unavailable? Or perhaps you’ve felt drained by a partner’s constant emotional demands? These patterns can leave you questioning yourself, wondering, “Why can’t I make relationships work?”

The answer lies in attachment theory, one of the most impactful frameworks in relational psychology. Imago therapy builds on this by exploring how unconscious dynamics from childhood play out in adult romantic relationships. By understanding and healing these patterns, you can create the secure, loving relationship you long for.

The Attachment Urge and Your Relationship Dynamics

In Imago therapy, we view romantic relationships as opportunities for healing childhood wounds. When your attachment system is activated, it’s often because your partner unknowingly mirrors unmet needs or painful memories from your early caregivers.

Ask yourself:

  • Were your caregivers emotionally available, inconsistent, or neglectful?
  • Who did you turn to when you were upset as a child?
  • Did you feel seen, heard, and valued—or left to fend for yourself?

These early experiences form your attachment style, shaping how you relate to romantic partners. There are four main adult attachment patterns, and understanding yours is key to shifting your relationship dynamics.

Attachment Styles in Imago Therapy

Attachment theory identifies secure and insecure attachment styles, each influencing how we navigate love.

  1. Secure Attachment:
    If your caregivers were responsive and attuned to your needs, you likely developed a secure attachment style. Secure individuals approach relationships with confidence, openness, and a belief that their partner will be there for them. Imago therapy supports couples in cultivating this security, even if it wasn’t part of their early experience.
  2. Anxious Attachment:
    Inconsistent caregiving often leads to anxious attachment, where individuals feel unsure about their partner’s availability. They may seek constant reassurance or cling to their partner, fearing abandonment. Imago therapy helps anxious individuals soothe these fears by fostering emotional safety and connection.
  3. Avoidant Attachment:
    Neglectful caregiving can lead to avoidant attachment, where individuals prize independence and struggle with vulnerability. They often keep their partners at arm’s length. Imago therapy gently challenges avoidant partners to open up, creating a safe space for emotional intimacy.
  4. Disorganized Attachment:
    Trauma, chaos, or abuse in childhood often leads to disorganized attachment. These individuals fear closeness but also crave it, resulting in a push-pull dynamic in relationships. Through the Imago dialogue process, couples can unpack these patterns and rebuild trust.

Healing Attachment Wounds Through Imago Therapy

The good news? Attachment styles are not fixed. With awareness and intentionality, you can shift toward secure attachment. Imago therapy offers a structured, compassionate approach to this transformation.

Here’s how:

  • Awareness: By identifying your attachment style and recognising how it plays out in your relationship, you gain clarity about your triggers and patterns.
  • Conscious Choices: Imago therapy encourages you to choose behaviours that build connection, even when old fears arise.
  • Reparenting: Through loving, responsive interactions, you and your partner can “reparent” each other, healing wounds from the past.
  • Safety: The Imago dialogue process fosters emotional safety, allowing both partners to feel seen, heard, and valued.

Choosing Connection Over Fear

Unhealthy relationship patterns often feel familiar because they echo our early experiences. Imago therapy invites couples to move beyond these unconscious reenactments, creating a relationship that feels both exciting and secure.

For those seeking love, choosing a partner with a secure attachment style—or working to develop security together—can profoundly impact your relational satisfaction. Healing doesn’t mean never feeling triggered; it means having the tools and support to navigate those triggers together.

Recommended Resources for Deeper Connection

If you’re curious about attachment and how it influences your relationship, consider these essential reads:

  • Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt is the cornerstone book of Imago therapy, offering insights and exercises to transform your relationship.
  • Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson: Learn how to use attachment principles to strengthen emotional bonds.
  • Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller: A primer on attachment styles and how they play out in adult relationships. Excellent for those on the dating apps.
  • Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin: A neurobiological approach to building secure, lasting relationships.

Your attachment style doesn’t define your destiny—it’s a starting point for growth. With awareness, effort, and the right support, you can rewrite your love story and create a relationship where you and your partner thrive.

Remember, your past may shape you, but it doesn’t have to limit you. In the safe container of an Imago relationship, healing and connection are always possible.

Love to learn about your adventures. Especially if you have attended a Getting the Love You Want workshop. Great to know what happened for you both.

By Philipa Thornton, Psychologist & Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist

Supporting Relationships with Imago Principles: A Path to Connection

Relationships are a beautiful dance between two individuals, each bringing their unique experiences, values, and perspectives. But sometimes, navigating this dance can feel like a challenge, especially when misunderstandings, conflicts, or emotional disconnection arise. That’s where Imago Relationship Therapy steps in—a powerful approach designed to deepen connection, heal past wounds, and foster a more harmonious partnership.

At Marriage Works, we embrace the transformative principles of Imago Therapy to support couples on their journey toward thriving, loving relationships. Understanding and applying these principles can make all the difference if you’re facing a crossroads or want to deepen your bond.

What Is Imago Therapy?

Imago Therapy, developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, is built on the idea that we unconsciously seek partners who reflect our primary caregivers’ qualities (both positive and challenging). These dynamics often lead to familiar patterns in adult relationships. The good news? Imago Therapy offers tools to turn these patterns into opportunities for growth and connection.

Core Imago Principles to Enhance Your Relationship

  1. Conscious Communication
    Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Imago principles emphasize intentional dialogue, a structured approach where partners take turns speaking and truly listening. This process fosters understanding, reduces defensiveness, and ensures both partners feel heard and valued.

How to Apply It:
Practice the “Intentional Imago Dialogue.” Start with mirroring your partner’s words, validate their feelings, and empathize with their experience. This creates a safe space for vulnerability and connection.

  1. Understanding Triggers
    In relationships, conflicts often stem from unresolved childhood wounds. Imago Therapy encourages couples to explore these triggers and recognise them as opportunities to heal and grow. By understanding the roots of your partner’s reactions, you can respond with compassion rather than defensiveness.

How to Apply It:
When tension arises, pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “What is this really about for me or my partner?” Discussing these deeper emotions can transform conflict into closeness. We can use either the Behaviour Change Request Dialogue or the Parent-Child dialogue.

  1. Co-Creating a Vision
    Relationships thrive when couples work together to build a shared vision. Imago Therapy inspires partners to move beyond power struggles and create a “conscious relationship” where mutual respect and growth are prioritised.

How to Apply It:
Sit down with your partner and discuss your dreams, goals, and what you both want to create in your relationship. Write it down and revisit it regularly as a couple. The Vision dialogue promotes hope and connection.

  1. Reigniting Romance
    Over time, the spark in relationships can dim, but Imago Therapy reminds us that romance is not a one-time event—it’s a practice. By intentionally investing in connection, couples can rediscover joy and intimacy.

How to Apply It:
Schedule regular “date nights” and surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures. Small acts of love nurture the bond and keep the romance alive. What are your caring behaviours, your love languages and most importantly what are your partners? Knowing these can reignite the romance.

Why Imago Principles Work

What makes Imago Therapy so effective is its focus on collaboration rather than blame. It helps couples view challenges as opportunities to heal and grow together, creating a foundation of mutual trust and understanding.

Take the Next Step

At Marriage Works, we offer Imago workshops and couples counselling tailored to help you apply these principles in your relationship. Our “Getting the Love You Want” workshops provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore their patterns, deepen their connection, and rediscover the love they share.

No matter where you are in your relationship journey, Imago principles can support you in building a partnership filled with joy, understanding, and love. Take the first step today—your relationship is worth it!

If you’re ready to transform your relationship, contact us at Marriage Works or sign up for our next couples workshop with the newsletter. Let’s work together to help you get the love you want.

With Love in the Real World,

Philipa & Chris

Dive into Deeper Connection: Increasing Intimacy & Sexual Satisfaction.

Are you longing to feel closer to your partner? Whether you’re facing challenges in your relationship or simply want to enhance the bond you share, deepening your emotional connection can make all the difference. Sophie Slade and her partner David, experts in relationship therapy, are hosting their transformative Increasing Intimacy Program in Sydney on November 16-17, and you won’t want to miss it!

Why Focus on Intimacy?

Intimacy is more than just physical closeness. It’s about feeling seen, heard, and understood by your partner. Over time, life’s challenges—busy schedules, stress, and even miscommunication—can create distance between partners. That’s where Sophie’s unique approach, grounded in Imago Relationship Therapy, comes in. It’s designed to help you reconnect and truly experience the joy of a fulfilling relationship.

What is Imago Therapy?

Imago Therapy is a powerful framework for couples that focuses on healing and growth through understanding. It teaches couples how to communicate more effectively by identifying unconscious triggers and working through them together. Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, Imago Therapy emphasizes the idea that conflict, when approached correctly, is an opportunity for healing.

During Sophie and David’s workshop, you’ll learn techniques rooted in Imago to:

  • Understand the deeper reasons behind your conflicts.
  • Foster greater empathy and compassion.
  • Rebuild trust and emotional safety.
  • Rekindle passion and joy in your relationship.

Why This Workshop is Perfect for You

If you’ve been seeking ways to improve your relationship, this workshop offers practical, immediate tools that you can start using during the event itself. Sophie Slade is a Master Imago therapist, bringing years of experience to this highly engaging and interactive two-day event. What makes this workshop truly special is that Sophie and David lead the way as a couple—they’ve experienced the joys and challenges of intimacy firsthand and share their insights with warmth and honesty. Their personal and professional journeys reflect a deep understanding of what it takes to cultivate lasting love.

The Key Benefits You’ll Gain

  • Effective Communication Skills: Learn how to express your needs in ways that invite your partner into understanding rather than defensiveness.
  • Deeper Emotional Connection: Discover how to become more present with your partner, improving both emotional and physical intimacy.
  • A Fresh Perspective on Conflict: See conflict as a way to grow closer and resolve long-standing issues with compassion.
  • Practical Tools for Daily Life: You’ll leave with exercises you can easily incorporate into your relationship to sustain long-term happiness and connection.

The Time for Transformation is Now!

The Increasing Intimacy Program is not just for couples in crisis—it’s for anyone who wants to deepen their bond and create a lasting, loving partnership. Whether you’ve been together for a few years or a few decades, this workshop will reignite the connection that first brought you together. Imagine walking away from this weekend with new insights, a renewed sense of love, and practical ways to keep that connection alive.

Secure Your Spot Today!

Don’t wait! Space is limited, and this intimate event offers a unique opportunity to work with Sophie Slade, an Imago Master therapist, alongside her partner David. This workshop promises a safe, supportive environment where you and your partner can rediscover the joy of a thriving relationship.

Join us in Sydney on November 16-17 Crows Nest, and take the next step toward lasting intimacy and happiness. Click here – Register to secure your place in this life-changing event!

Let’s build a stronger, more connected future together.

Last Chance to Learn Life Skills and Save!

The Super Early bird can’t last, it ends this week. Don’t miss your opportunity to experience Getting the Love You Want in Sydney Nov 16/17. This is Imago Relationship’s premier couples retreat.

Crafted by relationship healers Helen Lakelly- Hunt and husband Harville Hendrix from their hard won knowledge. Your will learn how to communicate clearly, kindly on the big and little stuff of day to day living in connection.

Imagine feeling the spark reignited, yes you know the one, when you first met and couldn’t get enough of each other! Somehow you got lost on the way, busy-ness, children, and work pressures may have led to a sense of loneliness, even regret.

Hope beckons. With two days of excitement rediscovering each other.

Fall in love all over again.

This retreat provides you with practical real world skills. Say goodbye to old stuck patterns, feeling alone and sad. Say hello to yourself and your partner.

How will your children feel, seeing their Mum and Dad touching, caring, and talking not just stuck fighting? I’d guess a sense of safety and security. Their adults have got this. How amazing.

Hurry limited spaces. Please call us Philipa on 0434 559 011. Email me at philipathornton@gmail.com

You don’t want to miss this relationship recharge.

Sending Love and Light,

Philipa